Systemic Management Coaching Systemic Solutions Relationship Management Systemic Coach Training

Soulwork America / Hawaii Soulwork Canada Soulwork Croatia / Hrvatska Soulwork Polska Soulwork Italia Systemic Solutions  Deutschland Soulwork Czech Systemic Solutions Slovakia  Training & Telephone Coaching for Managers & Leaders  Case Histories

Check Spelling

Home
Private Coaching
Coach Training
Workshops
Calendar
Humor

Systemic Coaching & Coach Training Holidays
including
Hawaii  Nepal Egypt  Croatia Czech  Poland

Please help us share this knowledge

Interview
Disclaimer
Disclosure

Telephone Coaching

Accelerated Learning
Chaos Theory
Clear Communication
Coaching Contracts
Coaching Philosophy
Code of Conduct
Compliance & Abuse
Conflict Resolution
Dependence
Difficult Employees
Downsizing
Emotional Incest
Emotional Intelligence
Evaluate Partnership
Exit Coaching
Expert Modeling
Fees & Finances
Goals & Goalwork
Human Consciousness
Human Systems
Knowledge Mgmnt
Mentorship
Organize Training
Partnership
Privacy
Private Coaching
Psych-Ops
Refugees
Select a Coach
Select Clients
Single Parents
Soul at Work
Systemic Training
Specialty Coaching
Stress Relief
Systemic Education
Systems Theory
Systemic Coaching
Training Abuse
Verbal Aikido
What is Coaching?
What Coaching Costs

The Relationship Coaching Institute

Philosophy for Relationship & Life Coaching

From Systemic Coach Training Manual by Martyn Carruthers

We present interactive seminars and demonstration-rich workshops on systemic coaching, emotional intelligence, family chaos and relationship bonds. Email us about workshops.

Living and non-living elements of our ecosystem influence each other in complex patterns of interdependency, and human relationships are part of that complexity. Human relationships are influenced by biological imperatives (e.g. you need intimacy), governmental regulations (e.g. how much intimacy is allowed?), cultural traditions (e.g. where you can be intimate?) and family rules (e.g. with whom you may enjoy intimacy?).

Each human being is a member of many relationship systems, and subject to the often-complex, often-contradictory and often-unknown rules of those systems. Complex relationship rules often hide under simple verbalizations (e.g. "Be polite" as guidance for behavior when meeting strangers).

Systemic rules are often confusing and paradoxical - in some human relationships it is against the rules to discuss the rules. Common punishments include criticism and ostracism.

Relationship rules can be explored by observation, conversation and testing. Objective rules are often conscious and documented, following patterns set by tradition and precedence. Subjective rules are often unconscious and unwritten, following patterns learned during childhood.

Coaching Philosophy & Coaching Technique

Within complex relationship systems, there are no right cultures, no true worldviews and no correct philosophies. Nor are there right ways to change. There are rules and consequences. Effective relationship solutions can be provided by people who understand systemic rules and the consequences of systemic change - and who are motivated to provide them.

Many student helping professionals don't want philosophy - they only want technique. Yet technique without understanding can lead to failure or worse. Students obsessed with technique do not realize that systems theory enables them to create and customize systemic interventions. Understanding system dynamics inspires creativity. Obsession with technique can lead to client abuse and mentor damage.

Changing or modifying relationship behavior for a short term is relatively easy. Changing relationship behavior in ways that benefit the families of origin, friends, teams, partnerships and communities for long periods requires an in-depth knowledge of those relationship systems.

Good relationship coaching is not about technique - it's about integrity. "Is a proposed change in the best interest of everybody involved?" This simple question asks that consequences to other people be considered and evaluated.

[ Coaching in Chaos . Expert Modeling ]

Limits to Conversation?

Changing relationships needs candid and kind conversations. Many attempts have been made to codify, guide, regulate and limit the conversations that are called coaching, counseling, consulting and therapy. The presuppositions of those codes, guidelines and regulations reflect the beliefs of the writers about the needs of the readers.

The International Coaching Federation (ICF), for example, define a coach's responsibilities based on a presupposition that every client is expert, creative, resourceful and whole.

ICF Coaching Philosophy

The International Coach Federation ... honors the client as the expert in his/her life and work, and believes that every client is creative, resourceful and whole. Standing on this foundation, the coach's responsibility is to:

  •  Discover, clarify, and align with what the client wants to achieve
  •  Encourage client self-discovery
  •  Elicit client-generated solutions and strategies
  •  Hold the client responsible and accountable

From ICF Standards, revised July 2002

Abstract guidelines lacking supportive evidence may sound nice and impress readers. They may be true for some people, but cannot provide useful guidance for complex conversations. Based on our years of experience, most people are not expert in, but blissfully unaware of their systemic dynamics; most people cannot specify what they want; self-discovery may discover unpleasant emotional issues; client-generated solutions may be highly unrealistic and many people strive to avoid responsibility and accountability.

Personal Philosophy

Your personal philosophy is about how you perceive life. It reflects your moral standards and principles and it influences your opinions, values and beliefs. Your personal philosophy influences how you understand reality, how you make decisions, how you behave and how you accept the consequences of your actions.

A personal philosophy reflects relationship integrity and influences how a person relates to trainers, colleagues and clients. Knowing this can help you decide how to trust a person. Some questions can help indicate whether a person is using technique, or coaching unique human beings:

  • Why do you want to help me change my relationships?
  • Why do you ask me for this particular information?
  • Why do you give me this advice?
  • Why do you choose this strategy?
  • What do you expect to result from this change?

Relationship Coaching: Codes of Ethics

As a personal philosophy is abstract; practical ethics are easier to specify. Practical codes of ethics for relationship coaching can include:

  1. offering paid services only if competent
  2. claiming only qualifications that are possessed
  3. respecting each member of a relationship system
  4. clarifying relationships and boundaries with clients
  5. maintaining confidentiality
  6. upholding applicable laws
  7. making appropriate referrals

How to Become Whys

Relationship coaching is a series of conversations. For conversations to be useful, and for changes to be beneficial and lasting, coaching conversations cover a spectrum of topics. The topics often include education about the causes of relationship habits, the consequences of changing and not changing, and about how to develop appropriate relationship skills.

A coach and client can also discuss their relationship:

  • how the coach's goals, training and experience are relevant
  • how the clients' background and history support his or her goals
  • how they can together choose appropriate techniques or strategies
  • how they can test success and effectiveness in the real world
Questions that explore coaching integrity include "What does a client want?", "What does a client pay for?" and "What does a client get?" These questions apply equally to students.

The philosophy of Soulwork systemic coaching has been evolving since its creation in 1994.

[ Soulwork Code of Conduct . Systems Theory ]

Systemic Coaching Philosophy

A systemic philosophy of coaching integrates empathy, acceptance, empowerment and authenticity to help people begin, improve, maintain and end relationships. A systemic coach can recognize relationship types and patterns, and predict the consequences of changework.

Systemic coaching is about observing and managing relationships. Expertise in systemic coaching requires training, supervision and mentorship to:
  • dialogue without need or dependency
  • fine-tune goals that affect many people
  • recognize cross-generational relationship patterns
  • resolve relationship transferences and identifications
  • fulfill responsibility to self, client and clients' systems
  • live with integrity

Systemic coaching is not psychotherapy - it does not not require regression nor deep analysis of past events. It is not religious - a systemic coach is not an authority on how people should live their lives. It is not psychology - we have no pre-systemic fascination with statistics. Nor is it medicine - a coach does not diagnose medical conditions nor prescribe medical treatment. And it is certainly not New Age - we prefer prophet-free organizations.

Systemic diagnosis, goal diagnosis and Dreamwork are basic tools of our systemic coaching - for resolving identity loss, trauma and mentor damage. With these tools, systemic coaching can:
  • provide a safe environment for complex change
  • provide systemic diagnosis of relationships
  • foretell consequences of relationship choices
  • indicate the conditions for each choice
  • indicate skills that can fulfill the chosen offers
  • indicate tests of effectiveness in the real world

Bottom Line

A coach with an appropriate personal philosophy, suitable training, quality supervision and a desire to live with integrity can help clients achieve miracles. A lack of one of these can allow a coach to abuse clients, perhaps bringing confusion or suffering to families or other relationship systems. Client damage can hurt both the coach and the abused clients. The bottom line? Get high quality systemic coach training, presented by experienced trainers who demonstrate systemic coaching with many different people.

Do you want effective coaching or systemic coach training? We train people to coach individuals, partners and teams to resolve a wide range of emotional and relationship challenges.

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005, 2009 All rights reserved.

 


Home . Emergencies . Strategic Planning . Management Training . Humor . Fees . Privacy

Please help us share this knowledge

The Relationship Coaching Institute
 
 
Private Coaching  ...  Professional Training  ... Your Next Step
America: PO Box 675, Honaunau, Hawaii, 96726 USA

Europe: Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia
For Systemic Solutions, email us at

Hawaii
+1 808 328 9570

Ontario
+1 905 664 8844

Europe
+38 591 881 2682

Australia
+612 (Sydney)

Workshop

Systemic Coach Training  (Calendar)

Systems 1 How to evaluate relationship dynamics and recognize common entanglements
Systems 2 How to define life goals, identify blocks, resolve objections & plan for success
Systems 3 How to provide or continue goalwork using interactive metaphors and Dreamwork
Systems 4 How to dissolve the consequences of abuse and trauma, and rebuild motivation
Systems 5 How to change limiting beliefs and codependence for emotional freedom
Systems 6 How to recognize and resolve identity loss: recover lost qualities and lost skills
Systems 7 How to resolve therapist or spiritual damage and provide inspirational mentorship
Systems 8 How to coach partners to build lasting happiness and avoid partnership breakdown
Systems 9 How to coach parents to resolve family problems and to set and enjoy family goals
Systems 10 How to coach team leaders to develop teams while solving team problems
Specialty Advanced workshops and specialty training tailored to fulfill your goals and needs

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2009 All rights reserved. These Systemic Solutions were primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We coach and train people to succeed by solving emotional and relationship problems. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Link to our pages, but get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.

Sign up for PayPal and start accepting credit card payments instantly.