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We present interactive workshops and private sessions with systemic
coaching, happiness, resolving family chaos and relationship bonds. Email us.
Happy Ever After
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We must
understand love; we must be able to teach it, to create it, to
predict it, or else the world is lost to hostility and to suspicion.
Abraham Maslow |
Although most people commence partnership to
experience and share happiness, there are many obstacles. The
greatest problem is often a lack of partnership skills.
Perhaps you learned about partnership as a
child (... the handsome prince met the beautiful princess
and they lived happily ever after). Perhaps you learned from your parents
and relatives. Perhaps you
learned about love from movies or (oh no) the lyrics of rock music.
With good
intentions you may have unrealistic dreams, sad expectations or toxic beliefs.
Premarital Counseling
. Couple Coaching .
Predictable Partnership
Staying Together
Soulwork couple coaching begins with an
exploration of your goals, complaints and values. Each partner is asked "Can
you be faithful to yourself and to your partner?"
- If the answer is "Yes",
"How do you want to share love with your
partner?"
- If the answer is "No",
Soulwork couple coaching moves to Evaluating Partnership.
Many couples who separate or divorce
could build happy partnerships. They could fulfill or transcend both partners'
needs, goals and dreams - in a world where so many people stay together in unhappy
partnership, bonded by
anger or guilt, or by community or religious rules, or by financial and
business commitments, even when both partners want to separate.
Enjoying Partnership can help you
build relationship happiness that can have a lasting and profound effect on
your partnership
- helping both of you change unpleasant conflicts into positive discussions
about what you each want, independently and together, and the shape of a
partnership that can fulfill both of your desires.
If you assume that your partner should accurately guess your desires,
then your partner's poor guessing may seem to indicate a lack of love or
commitment, and happy partnership may seem impossible. You may forget your
partner's qualities, instead perceiving your partner though limiting or depressing beliefs
(e.g. "My partner cannot cook, so I must stay home and make dinner while
my friends go to the theater").
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We attended
marriage counseling and I always left feeling beaten up ... I do not
think that anyone asked enough questions. My
husband asked if the experiences of his family of origin could play
a part in our marriage. I thought it might. The counselor said NO!!
We are still fumbling with this six years and four counselors
later... LR Houston, Texas 2004 |
Desires, Wishes & Requests
Expressing your desires and goals helps show your trust and
your readiness to fulfill your partner's desires and goals. If you are committed
to a partnership or marriage, you will likely search for creative
and interesting ways to fulfill your partner's desires.
Some desires will not be fulfilled. You have different priorities
or commitments, beliefs, emotions, habits or finances, so one of you may refuse to
fulfill a desire. A refusal need not threaten your partnership - unless the refusal
is a non-negotiable requirement or demand about a central
or core issue.
A requirement or demand often begins
with words like, "For our relationship to
continue, you must ..." - for more on relationship demands see
Evaluating Partnership.
Although no solution can satisfy every couple, most
couples can find satisfying solutions. The relief of expressing your deepest desires and
receiving your partner's responses, is closely followed by increased trust and
intimacy. This surge of love can empower you both to solve real life challenges rather than
to hide or avoid them.
Soulwork Partnership Coaching
Soulwork does not solve your
problems for you. Instead, Soulwork helps you solve whatever STOPS you
from solving your problems. Soulwork coaches you and your
partner to become each other's best
resource. Soulwork assists you and your partner to:
- communicate and evaluate your unspoken messages
- communicate your desires and requests fully and accurately
- dissolve your entanglements, trauma and any toxic history
- find solutions for your partnership challenges
- solve your problems together as resourceful, caring adults
The duration of couple coaching depends on your commitment
and resourcefulness; and on the coach’s sensitivity,
flexibility and skill. An experienced Soulwork coach can provide
couple coaching to a motivated, resourceful couple (who are not
in crisis and who can cope with stress) in about 8 - 16 hours. The
time depends on motivation and the number of issues to resolve.
Get Ready for HappinessMany couples want to make space for happy partnership.
You can prepare this space with individual coaching for both partners separately.
- Many relationship entanglements (e.g. unhealthy bonds to
parents or past-partners) and guilt issues (e.g. family secrets and betrayals) can be
dissolved during preparatory individual systemic coaching with both partners.
- Many existential issues that
impact a partnership (e.g. identity loss, identifications,
relationship entanglements or emotional trauma)
can be resolved during individual systemic coaching.
- If you or your partner doubts whether you want
a committed, long-term partnership, the complementary
Evaluating Partnership helps clarify
doubts.
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Committed partners can choose to improve their partnership by discussing
their desires, dissolving their conflicts, planning their goals and
developing their qualities. These activities expose real human beings
and real human dreams of happiness, while deciding how both can
express and receive love during everyday activities. |
Objections & Commitments
Clear commitments from both you and your partner is a source of power for
resolving issues - even heavy issues such as abandonment,
abuse, betrayal and adultery.
Your commitment accelerates the resolution of partnership challenges
and helps partners confirm and increase their commitment to their combined happiness.
Objections to commitment have many possible sources. The most common
objections to partnership represent the lack of shared values, or the
presence of unresolved
feelings of connection (bonds) - often to a parent, sibling or previous partner.
Emotional Incest .
Relationship Bonds
If you avoid commitment, you may feel guilt or fear from past
disappointments; you may doubt your competence as a partner or you may prefer manipulation to cooperation.
Maybe you use trivial excuses to start arguments, (e.g. "You put too much salt in the soup!"), or
you withdraw, perhaps into depression, obsessions, addictions or symptoms of
psychosis.
Depression
. Addiction .
Schizophrenia .
Bipolar Disorder
Steps to Enjoying Partnership
Enjoying Partnership coaches you and your partner to
simultaneously and resourcefully
dissolve your conflicts, discuss your desires, solve
your challenges and dissolve:
- miscommunications
(e.g. arguments about responsibility, or meanings of actions)
- nonverbal objections (e.g. saying
"Yes" while shaking your head "No")
- meaningless, confusing, negative, conflicting or abstract communication
- transferences and transference loops (e.g. one of you responds to the other
as if the other partner were someone else)
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Overview of Enjoying Partnership
For Relationship Coaches, Marriage Counselors,
Therapists etc
Enjoying Partnership is for
partners who want a committed long-term partnership together. If one or both
partners are not committed to a
long-term relationship, Individual Systemic Coaching
or Evaluating Partnership are recommended.
Required systemic coaching skills: Relationship Matrix, Couple
Reframing, Couple Mirror, Double Vision, Conflict Resolution and Dissolving Transference Loops.
Required individual coaching skills: dissolving objections,
relationship diagnosis, clarification, goalwork, interactive metaphors,
relationship bonds and trauma resolution.
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Check if one or both partners object to
"staying together"
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Coach partners to clearly define
their desires and responses
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Dissolve impasses, objections and transference loops
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Dissolve entanglements with
parents, siblings and past-partners etc
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Repeat until the partners can resourcefully discuss
and plan goals
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Coach partners to solve real-life
challenges resourcefully
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Repeat steps 4 - 6 until the partners can resourcefully solve
real-life challenges without coaching assistance
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Enjoying Partnership is complete when you and your partner
can resourcefully discuss any desire, conflict or life challenge; and feel
ready to handle future (unknown) challenges. The happiness of this success is only possible
if both partners are committed to long-term partnership. Further
objections indicate yet-unsolved doubts, conflicts or transferences.
If a coach leads both you and your partner through Evaluating Partnership
and/or Enjoying Partnership, both you and your partner
can experience each other's sense of life. This gives space for both
your individual and partnership qualities to emerge,
instead of your limiting beliefs, unpleasant emotions and conflicts.
After exchanging desires, you and your partner may want to solve
difficult issues. This is where transferences, trauma,
emotional blocks and limiting beliefs may become conscious. The first time
you open your Pandora's Box, you may be surprised at
the contents. Full resolution of all issues may require further
coaching or other professional assistance (physicians, financial experts, lawyers, etc).
Make an appointment
Systemic coach training welcomes friendly people who are motivated and
emotionally stable. Coach people to gain clarity, dissolve success and relationship issues, and understand what makes sense in life.
Help people build success and quality relationships. You can help people fulfill their dreams.
Predictable Partnership . Dependency . Space
for Love . Learning Disabilities
Evaluating Partnership .
Corporate Partnership . Divorce
Coaching
Father-Daughter Bonds . Mother-Son Bonds . Couple Coaching Flowchart
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