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Interview with Martyn
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Business Coaching Humor
Funny tales for Business Coaches © Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Training

Humor is risky - perhaps a third of people enjoy it, a third don't care and a third consider it irrelevant (at best). However, a sense of humor may help a coach or consultant stay resourceful in the midst of chaos. Some people don't understand the term “sense of humor”.

Most of what follows was mostly heard during our systemic coaching or training.


He who laughs last thinks slowest!

  • Management Coaching is one-half bureaucracy, one-third crisis, one-quarter routine and one-eighth accomplishment ... and never enough time to check the math.
  • Corporate Consultants must have equal parts of perspiration, inspiration and resignation; and must be convincingly confident ... especially when uncertain about the next step.
  • Consulting: If you're not paid for solutions, are you paid to delay solutions?

Domestic Coaching!

  1. We were both self-employed coaches seeking a teamwork opportunity
  2. Our first date was test marketing and determining the worst case scenario
  3. We were late for a consumption function, so we adjusted our process flow
  4. Our first month was our diagnostic period for market research
  5. Our first argument ineffectively profiled an administrative situation
  6. We respected each other's displayed assets and core competencies
  7. We evaluated each other's strategic paradigms using expert modeling
  8. Our Valentine cards listed executive summaries in bulleted points
  9. We decided on a functional merger to create a traditional organization
  10. We select domestic consumables using decision-tree analysis
  11. Going to bed is now a value-added win-win situation with the co-CEO
  12. We celebrate our anniversaries with performance reviews
  13. And now we are parents with a new team member on board
  14. We and our junior executive share many mutual learning opportunities
  15. ... with endless potential for destructive testing and constructive feedback
  16. We considered re-engineering and downsizing our organization
  17. ... but instead we reorganized into a quality-team based hierarchy
  18. Obviously, our contingency planning avoided divestiture
  19. So we are marketing our combined systemic expertise
  20. We offer in-house skill-based experiential intensives in domestic performance

Questions Consultants Hate (personal experiences)

  1. How can we concentrate our resources on all of our projects?
  2. Can you list all the unknown problems we will encounter?
  3. While you are completing this project - can you also ... ?
  4. I can't put this off any longer ... will you do it for me?
  5. Why didn't you tell us the effective solutions first?
  6. Can you delay finding that solution until ... ?
  7. Can we delay paying you until ... ?

But all you did was ask us questions - we found the answers by ourselves!

Management: 10 (personal experiences)

  1. My project is important ... don't do anything more important!
  2. We can't reveal our communication problems to employees!
  3. You must strongly recommend that they keep my position!
  4. I can't tell them that you solved that problem in one day!
  5. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting my schedule!
  6. I shouldn't have to tell you what I am hiring you to do!
  7. You must confirm what I have already recommended!
  8. If I wanted it tomorrow, I would ask for it tomorrow!
  9. If you get me promoted - I will get you more work!
  10. I don't have time to tell you exactly what I want!

Consultants: 5 (mixed sources)

  1. If you can solve it in a week, get a three month contract
  2. Give expensive advice on topics you know little about
  3. Hyphenate words-that-don't-need-to-be-hyphenated
  4. Call it what you like, but be ready to fire people
  5. Agree with all general statements
  6. Help us out, consultants...

Success is too important to take seriously!

Management Styles (loosely based on Dr Clare Graves research)
1. Survival: What teamwork? You're on your own!
2. Family: Teamwork is doing it the way that grandfather wanted it done!
3. Power: Teamwork is easy - just do what I say!
4. Establishment: Teamwork is doing it by the book!
5. Success: Teamwork follows the Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules!
6. Consensus: Teamwork is being nice to each other!
7. Systemic: If you were team leader yesterday, today you make the coffee!
8. Global: If it doesn't save a whale - it's not worth doing!

Demotivating Motivation (heard in passing)

  1. Their mindless jobs are better than no jobs at all!
  2. We will cancel vacations until productivity rises!
  3. We remove the light at the end of their tunnel until production increases!

Unbelievababble (from news services)

  • AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. Walter received a $26 million severance package.
  • In Oregon, USA, a 27-year-old unemployed man with an MBA murdered three people. "There are too many MBAs" he said, "if I had chosen another field, this may not have happened..."
  • This line waits for your true (or at least plausible) stories
  • ...


  1. All web pages are made with recycled electrons.
  2. Occasionally, we test new forms of spelling, punctuation and grammar.
  3. No managers or consultants were harmed during the construction of this page.

Martyn Carruthers

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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email