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Emotional Issues
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Operating Principles of Systemic Solutions
Emails from a Coaching Forum with Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching & Mentorship

From an email forum ...

Tim: Martyn ... you've described where Systemic Coaching fits in the flow of things - so what is it you actually do? What are the operating principles of Systemic Coaching?

Martyn: That's a BIG question Tim ... answering it may take a few cups of coffee, and maybe a web page!

1 Stuff Happens!

We were coaching people to get what they want.

We found that VERY few people know what they want.

Stuff seemed to get in the way.

Stuff like confusion or limiting beliefs or unpleasant memories

And for those who did know what they want, stuff also got in the way.

Such as low motivation or chronic aggression or self-sabotage

At first we dismissed the stuff as insignificant emotional garbage

That didn't help at all

So we tried to fix the stuff with massage and diets and positive thinking

And we tried ignoring the stuff to make it go away

And we tried to fix the stuff with hypnotherapy and NLP

And we talked endlessly about why the stuff was there

And we tried to fix the stuff with magical energies

And we tried prayer - hoping intensely that the stuff would go away

And we got pretty good at failing (I mean - at collecting feedback)

Our fixes often had short term benefits and unpleasant consequences

Later we found that the stuff usually makes sense - but emotionally, not rationally

2 Stuff hits the fan

We began researching emotions and the rules of emotional logic

And we found relationships ... and relationship systems

And hard questions we couldn't easily answer

"Can emotions exist independent of relationships?"

We started looking at the role of emotions in relationships.

Fortunately, a whole culture had already done that;

the Aloha culture of old Hawaii

And I had spent a lot of time with native Hawaiian healers

Who believe that "Your health reflects your relationships"

And "Heal your body by healing your relationships"

But this type of healing is not scientific

Which is a blessing and a curse and a blessing

As we translated Hawaiian magic into Western concepts

We applied concepts from systems theory;

And systemic coaching was the best name we found so far

3 Stuff is OK if you speak to it nicely

Operating Principles ... sound so ... carved in stone,

and we haven't formalized or even listed ours

Here are a few, and some are straight translations from Hawaiian:

We are surrounded by ghosts ... of the dead ... and of the living

And we do not really know who is dead or who is living - they co-exist

We are influenced by our ancestors, and we carry their burdens

We try to complete what our ancestors did not complete

There are no family secrets - we respond to them unconsciously

And we take our families with us wherever we go

Perhaps especially to work ... where we may forget who is who.

Transferences are mistaken identity; we may be confused

About who is a parent and who is a partner and who is a child

And who is a boss and who is a client and who is an employee

And we may forget who we are, and lose identity

And maybe feel like with someone else, perhaps a victim

And we may express their angry emotions: victim identified

Or we may say we are possessed - by a dead person

And express melancholy with dead person identification

Or we express our parents' conflicts - by living in identity conflict

And we found solutions for these ... and more.

Coaching with Martyn Carruthers

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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email