Happy partnership is not about finding a perfect partner.
Happy partnership is about resolving conflicts together.
Continued from Solutions for
Real partners have real conflicts, discussions and
Do you want a "happy ever after"? If you and
partner have no arguments or conflicts - maybe you are still on
honeymoon ... or perhaps you are having
an affair ... or do
you stay together for other reasons than intimacy?
I wanted to talk to my husband about how we
can improve our
He said that if we had to talk about it, that meant it wasn't working.
If you appear to have no conflicts - are you in a partnership
or a dictatorship? Or is someone hiding unpleasant
emotions or avoiding important issues? Do you
resolve conflicts or
do you ignore them and hope that they will go away?
|Common Relationship Conflicts
Money and budgets
(S)he won't listen to me
(S)he avoids conflicts
If you want to check your partnership skills, see
Patterns of Partnership
We often help couples dream together
- to create shared dreams of happiness and then explore how they can make
their dreams come true. Dreaming together is sowing seeds ... working together
provides the sunshine and rain ... lasting happiness is
the harvest. While itís easier to talk about dreams during a honeymoon; itís
important to remember your dreams during a conflict.
My husband and I understand each
other now. Things that got on my nerves no longer
bother me. We can talk at length on just about any topic. We have
not had a
match or resentment since your couple counseling. Philadelphia
Have you told your partner how you want
to be loved? Have you explored how your partner wants to be loved?
We help people discuss feelings as well
as behaviors - both as relationship first aid
and as a way to make better decisions.
You probably know very well what each
other likes and dislikes.
Do you use this knowledge to irritate each other? London
We help partners understand, appreciate and validate each other's
perspectives, history, beliefs and values, as a basis for mutual support and
cooperation. Enjoying partnership is usually
much more fulfilling than
Coaching & Soulwork Therapy
Put ELATION in RelationSHIP
Do you wait until your conflicts reach CRISIS before you seek help?
The earlier you improve your relationship - the more likely that you
can solve your issues easily.
When I asked my husband to help
with the housework, he would stall and forget it.
If I was angry, he accused me of
over-reacting. If I reminded him of his promises,
he complained I was
nagging. After our couple counseling with you, we ENJOY
doing most housework
together! Other parts of our life are better too! Hawaii
We help partners change old habits that lead to boredom
and frustration. If both of you commit to evaluating your partnership,
and if both of you choose to be mature - budgets can be made, frustration
and boredom can be reversed, and arguments can become stimulating
We are gay and we have been together
for five years. You helped us remodel our
and plan what we can do if my HIV positive partner develops AIDS.
If a partner rejects possibilities for reconciliation, then
indifference, affairs or separation may seem inevitable. Although
we provide separation coaching - we prefer to help partners find
better ways to express and receive love. Do you want your partnership
to get lost in boredom or affairs? Do
you have space for love?
Finding happiness together usually requires both partners sort out a lot of
old habits, not only the "right" way to make coffee or clean the bathroom but
any "I know I'm right " thinking habits. Much better to approach each
other with a "let's find out together what works best for us" attitude.
What old habits might block your progress?
Your Partner is not Perfect
And neither are you. Many people who separate are motivated by fantasies
... perhaps a more perfect person may be out there looking for you ... or maybe your partner had an affair.
Most relationship conflicts are
problems - and you can resolve most of them - or prevent them.
I married a perfect woman.
She was gorgeous, sexy and rich ... we had a wonderful time at her
expense. But when her dad had money problems, we both had to work and we
argued every day. Your couple coaching helped us ... we may not
have fancy cars and
expensive holidays now, now we are adult partners ...
not adult children! London
We help couples evaluate and improve their partnership - and improve
their relationships with their families, ex-partners, friends and colleagues.
We help people change old habits and make
healthy decisions about their lives together.
When we ignored our problems, we damaged our
Our love got bogged down in passive-aggression and codependence.
Why did we wait? We didn't know that change was possible! Birmingham
Check your partnership skills, see
Patterns of Partnership
show appreciation and gratitude to each other
||One or both are often
dissociated, irritated, depressed, bored, critical or show contempt
respond to most verbal and nonverbal communications
||One or both
ignore, avoid or shorten most communications
events in their history
review their relationship history
|Partners greet after time
apart and ask about each other's activities and other news
||They rarely interact when
together, without even silent intimacy
|Partners enjoy meeting
each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment
||One or both often ignore or
criticize the other's goals and needs
|Partners discuss goals
and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared meanings.
||They rarely discuss
goals, values or dreams
|Partners often go out
||They generally prefer
to go out alone
projects which require committed cooperation
||One or both
often avoid, ignore or give small attention to shared projects
|They wish to stay together
to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness
||One or both want to separate but
cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints
|They respect most of each
other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences
||One or both show contempt
for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes
|Partners want to walk
through life together
||One or both partners want
Double Vision and Mature Love
Are you enmeshed in previous relationships?
We help you untangle from parents, ex-lovers, etc. While we prefer to
help partners enjoy happy and fulfilling lives together, we help
some couples separate and disconnect as peacefully as possible.
Your couple counseling transcended
sexual attraction and personal gain ... you helped us
explore our needs and define our desires ... we have so many thanks ...
Do you want to manage your emotions and enjoy happier relationships?
Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Training
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 1998-2017 All rights reserved