Soulwork Home Page

Check your spelling

Soulwork Online Help

Soulwork Humor: Funny stories


Soulwork Systemic Coaching: Summary

Soulwork Coach Training

Soulwork FAQ Questions & Answers


Emotional Issues
Anger & Rage

Eating Problems
Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Inner Child

Pain Control
Stress Relief

Toxic Beliefs
Trauma & Stress
Weight Loss


Relationship Problems

Dissolve Conflicts
Emotional Blackmail

Enjoy Partnership
Evaluate Partners
Long-Distance Love
Love & Hate

Past Partners
Sexual Issues
Soul Mates


Family Challenges

Brothers & Sisters
Divorce & Children
Emotional Incest
Family Meetings
Family Secrets

Fathers & Daughters
Fathers & Sons
Learning Disorders
Mothers & Daughters
Mothers & Sons

Parental Alienation


Life Lessons
Bad Habits
Being Alone
Children's Challenges
Observing Feelings

Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
Self Esteem
Self Improvement
Self Intimacy
Stress & Relaxing
Therapist and Clients


Chaos Coaching

Inner Conflict
Expert Modeling
Learning Disorders

Sexual Abuse
Soul of Soulwork
Systemic Management
Therapist Abuse
Training Abuse



Interview with Martyn
Fee, Cost, Price

eXTReMe Tracker

Quantum Leap In Consciousness
Lessons of Life © Kosjenka Muk

Coaching with Kosjenka    Soulwork Croatia / Hrvatska

Do you want to make your own decisions?

Solving Problems

Would you enjoy private coaching or professional training on self-esteem, verbal aikido, solving relationship problems, lasting happiness and better relationships? Kosjenka Muk is bilingual and teaches Soulwork Systemic Coaching and other trainings internationally. Kosjenka wrote the books Emotional Maturity and Verbal Self-Defense.

Children & Challenges
Observing Feelings
Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
Self Esteem
Self Improvement
Self Intimacy
Stress & Relaxing
Therapist & Clients

A quote is attributed to Einstein that we cannot manage a problem at the same level of thought from which we created it. This is specifically notable in relation to emotional problems and the life situations which we create.

Often we are caught within a disappointing circle of emotional impulses and thoughts directed toward a change of outer situations or even other people; we make rational choices, which then we usually either delay or suffer due to contradictory emotions within us, which can make it impossible to even make a decision.

Every one of these impulses, emotions and thoughts contain an atom of truth and an atom of healthy and justifiable desires but not one of them contains the wider picture. Before we deal with the beliefs and emotions that limit us, each of these impulses periodically seems to us accurate and realistic.

After we heal ourselves of limitations and, which is particularly important, integrate our lost and forgotten qualities and parts of out true being, we can comprehend the saying of a Zen Master: the opposite to truth is in fact truth. We can look at the situation with a deeper understanding and insight, and what is more important, without limitations that hinder us. At that moment the answer is obvious and within itself understandable, similarly in a way as when we observe other people who wrestle with their own problems.

Personal Relationships

For example, perhaps you are unsatisfied with the quality of your personal relationship. Maybe within yourself there is a battle between anger, love, defiance, fear, thoughts like: 'he/she is better than many others.... and better to be with him/her than alone... but he/she does not value or recognize me as much as I desire... but in some situations he is very caring... the question is if I would be able to find what I desire if ended this relationship... but I still desire much more than this relationship can give me...'

Trying to change another person or our outer environment, or to make a rational decision for the sake of making it, is quite an unsuccessful method in resolution of problems. Even if it works (which is usually only temporarily) the internal problem remains unresolved, emotions unhealed, lost parts of us remain unintegrated, and we will quite quickly create, or will be attracted to, a similar situation, or similar feelings, as before until we finally turn to our self and toward resolving the cause of the problem.

Traumatic experiences and toxic relations cause "fissures" in the personality, as some parts are thrown away in order to make space for limited beliefs (often what is thrown away are positive qualities amongst which in first place is self-esteem), others are repressed and remain immature (uncomfortable feelings), whilst others develop and create a mask of a compensatory nature (e.g. aggressiveness, playing victim, and sometimes even positive qualities may be developed as a mask, such as an overt intellectualism, sexuality or humor...)

After we resolve our limited beliefs we can then integrate, for example, lost feelings of self respect, optimism, the inner feeling of happiness. Only then it may become obvious to us, depending upon the situation we find ourselves in, that we were, for example, reacting strongly to little things which we can manage through honesty and calm conversation, or perhaps that we truly neglected ourselves out of fear that we do not deserve what we really want, or that we cannot find anything better.


Maybe we have rationally understood this much earlier, but similarly- as when one tries to guide a friend toward a rational and positive resolution to his/her problem- the same emotions and fears would reemerge that kept us back. Attempting to choose between the rational and emotional, between one emotion and another, is a maddening job. Until we do not reach a degree of integration from which our being can feel and act as a whole at a new level of maturity and healthiness. That is truly a quantum leap in consciousness.

The problem with this is that it is very easy to belittle our own contribution to the problem, to act after immature emotions which in such moments seem very realistic, and put off their resolution 'for later'. In such delaying we can spend years and even decades in unnecessary frustrations, instead of utilizing that time for advancing and creating a happy and healthy life.

Coaching with Kosjenka

© Kosjenka Muk, 2005-2018

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email