Are you entangled in difficult relationships
or painful emotions?
Most people take to work on self-improvement with a desire for
results to occur overnight and with an orientation toward outer change instead
of inner one. In most cases advertising messages pull people in this
direction. Our society is focused more and more to instant solutions and instant
gratification. For people who grew up in that kind of environment, actually
investing time and effort to improve themselves might feel like too much.
Many people hope that with some technique they will create a
new self without having to face up to (sometimes risky and scary) specific
actions in outer life, e.g., telling someone what bothers you (or perhaps what
you like), or thinking up and bringing into fruition a plan to find or create a
Moreover, as long as such action is looked upon as 'too
difficult', too unpleasant, it usually means that you don't yet have enough
motivation for change or - more commonly - that the real internal change is not
The Challenge of Life
Outer life experience has a deep influence upon our subconscious and can be a
sort of test on whether we have really learnt our specific life lessons.
One can say that if we could do it all 'within our heads' then
there would be no need for to live in the physical world. The blessing we often
experience through difficulties is in fact that the physical world
uncompromisingly 'forces' us onto the path of development through often hard and
demanding challenges in front of which sooner or later we will no longer be able
to close our eyes.
It is up to us to decide whether or not we should 'take up the
game' and truly live the challenge the world has given us, or to feel sorry for
ourselves, saying life is simply too difficult to deal with. In the first case
your life may in fact end up not being easy- especially in the beginning - due
in the main to the fact that you will have to come to terms with a number of
situations, decisions and choices that you have previously tried to avoid
or postpone dealing with.
However, the wealth of experience, the intensity of living
your life, and the greater trust and respect toward your self gives you the
feeling of enjoyment of life that will lead to a rejection of the easier and
simpler life path that so attractively comes at a seemingly low price.
Achieving the True Change
For example many people hope that how others act toward them
will change if they do enough inner work, so they start to 'radiate differently'
or start to feel better with themselves or the alike. In some easier cases this
may truly occur. But, more commonly it shall not.
This is in itself for us a challenge, as well as an
opportunity, to face up to others through communicating our feelings, and all
the fears, that come with it through taking up these more scary and risky
My personal experience shows that this quite often occurs when
I firmly decide to overcome my specific inhibitions and tell the other person
what I have put off for a long time, often the other person truly spontaneously
begins to act differently and hence there is no further need for confrontation.
I must emphasize that this occurs exclusively when I truly and strongly decide
to take that risk.
Yet, in most situations, especially in the case of long term
and important relationships, this is not enough and you will most likely and
quite often need to invest a lot of your self, uncover your deepest and most
illogical needs and beliefs, and risk misunderstanding and conflict. This is the
process through which we grow the fastest as a human being and create a
closeness, understanding and love for self and others.
There is no technique that we can use that is a magic wand and
shield from the challenges of life. Methods such as Soulwork Systemic Coaching can help
people manage emotional and mental barriers, attain inner
experiences, feel trust, motivating us as well becoming conscious of our own
possibilities... while building new habits and active work on realizing our goals
can be done only from the depth of our being.
More and more I realize how important specific actions in outer
world are when completing any technique used in the process of self-development.
Without actions, we will never truly know whether or not we have
changed, or if we in fact only thought about changing.
Coaching with Kosjenka
© Kosjenka Muk, 2005-2017