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Soulwork Systemic Coaching: Summary

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Emotional Issues
Anger & Rage

Eating Problems
Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Inner Child

Pain Control
Stress Relief

Toxic Beliefs
Trauma & Stress
Weight Loss


Relationship Problems

Dissolve Conflicts
Emotional Blackmail

Enjoy Partnership
Evaluate Partners
Long-Distance Love
Love & Hate

Past Partners
Sexual Issues
Soul Mates


Family Challenges

Brothers & Sisters
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Fathers & Daughters
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Life Lessons
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Being Alone
Children's Challenges
Observing Feelings

Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
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Self Improvement
Self Intimacy
Stress & Relaxing
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Chaos Coaching

Inner Conflict
Expert Modeling
Learning Disorders

Sexual Abuse
Soul of Soulwork
Systemic Management
Therapist Abuse
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Manage Stress

Systemic Solutions for Stress

Workplace Stress

Stress is part of life. We either develop ways to deal with stress - or we deal with its consequences. Supportive relationships, effective planning, regular exercise and a healthy diet are amongst the best solutions. Some turn to psychoactive drugs - showing that cures can be worse than problems.

Stress-reduction workshops are a useful tool, providing assessments, information about the consequences of stress and relaxation techniques. However, in less than a month, few people use the information, and in less than three months the information is forgotten.

Stress-reduction techniques can help provide a peaceful space for long-term systemic stress relief, by providing a period of emotional stability in which fundamental issues can be resolved.

Managing Emotions

Withheld emotions, if expressed, may create problems within a family, team, workplace or organization (a system). Withholding emotions greatly increases systemic stress. Much stress is not a result of the quantity or quality of work - stress results from withholding emotions.

Stress is a result of the conflict caused by repressing the natural and urgent need to punch the lights out of someone who is really asking for it.

The unexpressed emotions that most often contribute to systemic stress are anger, sadness, fear and guilt. If a person expresses these emotions chaotically - that person may damage people, objects or self. If a person suppresses these emotions, or expresses these emotions internally (dreams and fantasies) these withheld emotions are associated with chronic disease, heart attacks and relationship problems. Such emotions usually represent a need for justice and injustice. Solutions are not found at the level of the problem.

Short Term Solutions

Common techniques for controlling emotions include distractions (TV, videos, gambling, etc), sport activities (gym, competitive games, jogging), psychoactive medications (including nicotine, alcohol and caffeine) and dissociation (self-hypnosis and suggestion). The resulting emotional control is usually short-term, and continued use may result in obsessions and addictions. The long-term resolution of withheld emotions requires a different type of intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence

The chaotic expression of unexpressed emotions damages personal and professional lives. Unexpressed emotions will be expressed sooner or later - and may result in criminal violence, suicide, agoraphobia, chronic depression, split personality and nervous breakdown.

Long-term systemic solutions require that systemic entanglements be diagnosed and changed.

Systemic Diagnosis

Systemic Solutions diagnoses the health and stability of individuals and systems:

  1. Relationship Diagnosis: assess current relationships and consequences of past relationships
  2. Trauma Diagnosis: assess current consequences of significant emotional events
  3. Goal Diagnosis: assess current consequences of future expectations and goals

These results can be cross-checked to ensure accuracy and relevance. The remainder of this article will focus on Relationship Diagnosis.

Relationship Diagnosis

We assess and predict relationship behavior using Myers-Briggs personality profiling, metaprogram profiling, values elicitation and our sophisticated diagnostic tool, systemic matrix. A systemic matrix represents the collective perceptions of a relationship system, from multiple perceptual positions. A systemic matrix allows rapid diagnostic analysis and indicates appropriate changework sequences.

Be very careful! I have only one nerve ending left
- and you're squeezing it!

A systemic matrix exposes systemic entanglements. Healing systemic entanglements provides a profound sense of integrity - a sense of self, sense of family or team, sense of mission and sense of life - for long periods. This sense of integrity is available for all responsible individuals, couples, teams or families. Many people describe this awareness as "enlightening".

Psychobiology of Integrity

Systemic Entanglements

Systemic entanglements are both the cause and effect of relationship patterns. The consequences of systemic entanglements include conflicts, accidents, illness and death.

Children and irresponsible adults usually make excuses, blame others, complain and justify their entangled behavior. However, most people (and organizations) prefer to suffer before they are motivated to seek coaching. For many people, suffering is an essential step towards health.

Executives and managers who can recognize the following behaviors can predict employee problems, get help early and protect an organization from legal consequences.

Identity Loss

People in a system are alert to justice, and respond predictably to injustice. Their responses will reflect an organization's history and management style, and the examples set by authorities. Some common responses to systemic injustice include identity loss:

  • Cannot change behavior (Identity Bonds)
  • Cannot express own life choices (Identifications)
  • Cannot describe, feel or express emotions (Lost Identity)
  • Cannot make decisions without deep conflict (Identity Conflict)


A member of a system may identify with another member who is perceived as treated unjustly. Some common identifications have predictable sets of symptoms, with a range of severity:

  • Hero identification: chronic fear, anxiety attacks and possibly agoraphobia
  • Victim identification: chronic anger, suspicion and possibly external violence
  • Displaced person identification: chronic sadness, melancholy and possibly suicide
  • Dependent identification: chronic guilt, self-sabotage and possibly chronic depression

People with identifications may show emotional outbursts, although a search for the emotional triggers often indicates the type of identification and a method for its resolution. In extreme cases, a person loses emotional control and may be diagnosed as psychotic.

The differences between normal and psychotic are often blurred. Psychoses refer to lost contact with reality ... yet the symptoms are exaggerated normal reactions. As Dr R.D. Laing suggested: Psychosis is a healthy response to insane conditions.

Identity Conflict

A person may simultaneously identify with two high-authority members of a system who treat each other unjustly. We call the resulting condition Identity Conflict. A common description is split personality. A person with identity conflict is often unpredictable and untrustworthy, with behavior swinging between two polarities. A decision or promise made by one polarity may be forgotten or ignored by the other.

Attempts to dissociate (cut off) a disliked polarity tend to increase the conflict. In extreme cases, a person may become amnesic of the polarity changes, and be diagnosed with bipolar disorder (multiple personality syndrome).

Lost Identity

A member of a system may lose the ability to describe emotions, and then to feel emotions, and later lose sense of self. We call this condition Lost Identity, (a common description of a maximal case is nervous breakdown), which may result from severe stress that was perceived as deliberately applied by an authority. Most people with Lost Identity can still function (in a somewhat robot-like manner), which may be an advantage in situations requiring total compliance and prompt obedience. (Consider cult brainwashing and military training ...)

Today I will start my nervous breakdown! I've worked hard for it; I deserve it; and I will let nobody deprive me of it!

Identity Bonds

People who stay in a system despite having good reasons to leave are often emotionally bonded. Such bonds sabotage attempts to leave. Identity bonds often manifest as helplessness and hopelessness - with beliefs such as "I must do as I am told" or "I cannot leave". This behavior is typical in people who dislike or despise a system, yet cling to it.

Identity bonds are often deliberately installed by cults and cult-like organizations. Bonded people can justify behavior that would generally be called psychotic or insane.

Exit Coaching

Systemic Solutions

Systemic Solutions for relationship entanglements are found and tested during relationship diagnosis and systemic matrix evaluation. Each systemic symptom can be cross-referenced to trauma diagnosis and goal diagnosis, and a changework plan made for their long-term resolution.

We can provide prompt relief and lasting benefit for people who want healthy relationships. We provide insights into the life path of individuals and to the survival of organizations. These insights provide and integrate a profound sense of justice and dignity, kindness and compassion, humility and connectedness.

Copyright © 2001-2018 by Martyn Carruthers. All rights reserved.

Predictable Partnership . Prevent Learning Disabilities . Post-Abortion Issues

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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email