Would you like to feel good instead of feeling nervous and shy?
Would you like to manage your anxiety and end self-sabotage?
Nerves, Nervousness & Emotional Intelligence
Is feeling nervous part of your life? Do you focus on your bad feelings, at the
high price of peace, joy and healthy relationships? How can you get off
the anxiety roundabout?
Although nervousness and anxiety are common results of confused
relationships, most people try to manage anxiety with medications and
distractions. But drugs are unlikely
to solve the relationship problems in which most negative emotions originate.
Relaxation, meditation, shopping and herbal remedies can be
wonderful sources of short-term relief, but again, they rarely change underlying
Similarly, hiding your unpleasant emotions can be like
planting seeds. Hidden and out of sight, such seeds can grow until they erupt in
a nervous volcano - often triggered by minor events that don't seem to make any sense.
Nervous feelings can slowly become anxiety and panic attacks.
You can live a happier and more confident life, without criticizing yourself
on every step. And we can be there for you and walk with you on every step of
Where did your nervousness come from?
Most nervous and shy people learned anxiety as children. If their parents
were nervous, or if their home situation was unstable, or if they felt unloved
or rejected - most children feel bad but are rarely taught how to manage or
change their bad feelings.
Perhaps they tried to hide their fears. But hidden feelings cannot
be assimilated - they are just dormant. Later, those feelings may come out at
How do you show your nervousness?
Nervous children are common and often thought to be normal.
However, after adolescence when children's bodies are becoming adult bodies -
nervous feelings become more problematic. Teenagers watch other teenagers
carefully, and to them, nervousness looks and feels like weakness.
Nervous teenagers may not make friends easily, except
with other insecure teenagers, and they may be bullied or ridiculed. They will be
attracted to opposite sex teenagers as healthier teens, but less able to communicate
While healthier teenagers are teasing each other and showing off
- nervous teenagers may hide themselves, unsure what to do. Many become shy
geeks or retiring nerds - focusing on schoolwork or hobbies
rather than on more playful possibilities involving other
teenagers. Many become obsessed with video games or internet pornography.
As adults, they may attract and be attracted to emotionally
immature people, eventually becoming anxious parents of another generation of
What can you do about shyness and nervousness?
Do people tell you - just act more confident?
We help people manage negative emotions, solve relationship problems and
change unwanted behaviors. We take time to understand people and their lives,
to help them find emotional freedom. Then we can help them solve emotional entanglements with their parents and ancestors as steps to
finding what they truly want.
The feelings called nervousness and excitement seem very similar - yet the
meanings and consequences of those feelings are very different. How would you
like to feel excited and confident about life instead of feeling nervous
From Nervous to Excited
1. Is your nervousness transient or chronic?
Do nervous feelings seem to come, last a few seconds and mysteriously leave?
Or do you feel nervous for extended periods? Chronic
emotions often indicate that some part of you is either stuck in some
memory or fantasy; or bonded to someone else.
Do you have some childish habits? Or are you generally over-mature for your
age? Or maybe both at different times?
2. What is your nervousness made from?
Most often, we find that nervousness seems to be predominantly fear - often
mixed with anger and sadness - and perhaps a sense of impending
The key to changing any or all of these negative emotions is in changing your perception
of what these emotions mean - and this is where we can start helping you.
Some people stop feeling their feelings! They cease to be aware of
their own body sensations. This dissociation can lead to a sense of withdrawal or
isolation; often including a lack of assertiveness and perfectionist behavior. We call this
3. Where is your nervousness in your body?
Although nervousness causes muscle tensions, those tensions are secondary
effects of your emotions. You may feel tired muscles in your shoulders, arms or
The negative emotions are more likely in your body core ... but where? Are
they centered in your chest? Your abdomen? Your throat? Surprisingly, perhaps,
body location gives us information about the
relationships which created them.
4. How OLD is your nervousness?
If you feel nervous, STOP and check. When you feel this way, how old do
you feel and how old are you acting? Do you feel older, for example, or
If you feel older - you may be carrying the nervousness of a parent or
ancestor; and if you feel younger or childish, the nervousness may represent a
part of you that you dissociated while still a child - a part of you that could
never grow up.
5. Putting it all together
We can help you create a
realistic plan for assimilating and replacing your nervousness with emotions
that you prefer.
Consider which of your relationships are helpful and supportive
- and which are not. Do you stay in bad
relationships? What emotions stop you improving your relationships?
If we work together, you will find that changing your nervousness is important - but keeping the change
is more important. We can help you stabilize
your changes within your supportive relationships - usually with your friends,
colleagues and partner.
As your nervousness fades, you can make changes to your life, your work and
your relationships. We
can help you explore the negative emotions that underlie other problematic behaviors ...
and explore how you can change them.
Contact us to solve relationship
problems, manage negative emotions
and reach your goals.
Online Relationship Coaching,
Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2012-2017
All rights reserved.