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Managing Nervousness
Solutions for Nervous & Shy People © Martyn Carruthers

Online Help: Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

Would you like to feel good instead of feeling nervous and shy?
Would you like to manage your anxiety and end self-sabotage?

Nerves, Nervousness & Emotional Intelligence

Is feeling nervous part of your life? Do you focus on your bad feelings, at the high price of peace, joy and healthy relationships? How can you get off the anxiety roundabout?

Although nervousness and anxiety are common results of confused relationships, most people try to manage anxiety with medications and distractions. But drugs are unlikely to solve the relationship problems in which most negative emotions originate.

Relaxation, meditation, shopping and herbal remedies can be wonderful sources of short-term relief, but again, they rarely change underlying relationship issues.

Hiding your unpleasant emotions can be like planting seeds. Hidden and out of sight, such seeds can grow until they erupt in a nervous volcano - often triggered by minor events that don't seem to make any sense. Nervous feelings can develop into anxiety and panic attacks.

You can live a happier and more confident life, without criticizing yourself. We can walk with you on every step of your path.

Where did your nervousness come from?

Many people learn anxiety as children. If their parents were nervous, or if their home was unstable, or if they felt unloved or rejected - few children are taught how to manage or change their bad feelings.

Perhaps they tried to hide their fears. But hidden feelings cannot be assimilated - they are just dormant. Later, those feelings may come out at unexpected times.

How do you show your nervousness?

Nervous children are often thought to be normal. However, after adolescence when children's bodies are becoming adult bodies - nervous feelings become problematic. Teenagers watch other teenagers, and to them, nervousness looks and feels like weakness.

Nervous teenagers may not make friends easily, except with other insecure teenagers, and they may be bullied or ridiculed. They will be just as attracted to opposite sex teenagers as healthier teens, but less able to communicate their interest.

While healthier teenagers are teasing each other and showing off - nervous teenagers may hide themselves, unsure what to do. Many become shy geeks or retiring nerds - focusing on schoolwork or hobbies rather than on more playful possibilities involving other teenagers. Many become obsessed with video games or internet pornography.

As adults, they may attract and be attracted to immature people, eventually becoming anxious parents of more nervous children.

What can you do about shyness and nervousness?

Do people tell you - just act more confident?

We help people manage negative emotions, solve relationship problems and change unwanted behaviors. We take time to understand people and their lives, to help them find emotional freedom. Then we can help them solve emotional entanglements with their parents and ancestors as steps to finding what they truly want.

Would you like to feel confident about life instead of feeling nervous or anxious?

From Nervous to Excited

1. Is your nervousness transient or chronic?

Do nervous feelings seem to come, last a few seconds and mysteriously leave? Or do you feel nervous for extended periods? Chronic emotions often indicate that some part of you is either stuck in some memory or bonded to a nervous person.

Do you have some childish habits? Or are you generally over-mature for your age? Or maybe both at different times?

2. What is your nervousness made from?

Most often, we find that nervousness seems to be predominantly fear - often mixed with anger and sadness - and perhaps a sense of impending failure.

A key to changing any or all of these negative emotions is in changing your perception of what these emotions mean - and this is where we can start helping you.

Some people stop feeling their feelings! They cease to be aware of their own body sensations. This dissociation can lead to a sense of withdrawal or isolation; often including a lack of assertiveness and perfectionist behavior. We call this identity loss.

3. Where is your nervousness in your body?

Although nervousness causes muscle tensions, those tensions are secondary effects of your emotions. You may feel tired muscles in your shoulders, arms or neck.

The negative emotions are more likely in your body core ... but where? Are they centered in your chest? Your abdomen? Your throat? The body location gives us information about the relationships which created them.

4. How OLD is your nervousness?

If you feel nervous, STOP and check. When you feel this way, how old do you feel and how old are you acting? Do you feel older, for example, or younger?

If you feel older - you may be carrying the nervousness of an ancestor; and if you feel younger or childish, the nervousness may represent a part of you that could never grow up.

5. Putting it all together

We can help you create a realistic plan for assimilating and replacing your nervousness with emotions that you prefer.

Consider which of your relationships are helpful and supportive - and which are not. Do you stay in bad relationships? What emotions stop you improving your relationships?

If we work together, you will find that changing your nervousness is important - but keeping the change is more important. We can help you stabilize your changes within your supportive relationships - usually with your friends, colleagues and partner.

As your nervousness fades, you can make changes to your life, your work and your relationships. We can help you explore the negative emotions that underlie other problematic behaviors ... and explore how you can change them.

Contact us to solve relationship problems, manage negative emotions
and reach your goals.

Online Help: Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2012-2018 All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

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Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email