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Relationship Rejection & Abandonment
Disloyalty & Betrayal by Martyn & Kosjenka 2008

Online Help for Rejection & Betrayal

Were you abandoned, betrayed or rejected by someone you loved?

Rejection is part of life ... and so is Recovery

It is not likely that everyone will love you. You will sometimes feel hurt and disappointed. Have you rejected someone?

This is not about a job application being ignored, or being passed over for promotion. This is about feeling rejected for who you are by someone you love. Were you betrayed by your partner - or rejected by a parent - or ignored by your child?

Being rejected by friends can be unpleasant, but being rejected by family or a partner can trigger strong negative emotions. Rejection or betrayal by a significant person may change your beliefs, motivation and your ability to succeed.

Maturity, Rejection & Recovery

Your maturity predicts how you respond to rejection or betrayal. Mature people can acknowledge a situation, deal with self-pity, accept reality as it is and move on with their lives. If you want to do that - we can help you.

Your sessions were not what I expected ... they were far sweeter.

A rejection can cause you to relive other rejections and trigger negative emotions from your past. This is often called age regression. Your childhood memories may include feeling helpless and resourceless.

During age regression, you might feel that your world is falling apart, that there can be no future happiness, that you cannot live without a certain person, that life doesn't make sense anymore.

You might notice your mind creating angry, aggressive thoughts that put down other people. Obsessions, stalking, criticism, revenge and gossip may be attempts to repair your self-image. If you accept and feed such urges, you gain short term relief, but you miss an opportunity to change your emotional habits.

Besides anger to people who rejected you, you might seek approval and power. How you do this reflects what you learned as a child. Complaining and acting like a victim is common. So is bullying.

Some people turn to sweet things. Other ways of seeking relief from emotions can be more destructive, such as sexual addictions or drugs.

We can help you through all this. We can help you manage the negative emotions of being rejected; and change bad habits that could lead to further rejection.

Who Rejected You?

It seems to be less important who rejected you than what that person represented to you. For example, a parent or partner might represent family, respect, stability, security or success.

Rejection can trigger negative emotions from earlier disappointments. People who were abandoned as children may, as adults, either cling to people and fear their abandonment or avoid commitments to prevent further suffering.

Why were you rejected?

Do you obsess about, "Why did he / she / they do that to me?" Don't waste too much time pondering their motives. For whatever reason - they preferred distance from you. Focus on your own security. Do you have a place to live? Do you have an income? Do you have food? Do you need emotional first aid?

When parents reject or abandon children, the most common justifications that we hear are poverty, divorce, disease, addictions and pregnancy. Children who reject a parent were often manipulated by the other parent.

Recovering from Rejection

  1. Appreciate honesty. Appreciate that someone is honest enough to tell you that he or she does not want to continue a relationship with you.
  2. Give people time. Don't try to push people into giving you another chance.
  3. Separate your emotions from what happened. If someone wants distance from you, that need not mean that you are somehow bad.
  4. Discuss the situation with a trusted friend. Don't whine, complain or act like a victim. Present the facts as you understand them.
  5. Consciously improve your relationship skills. That says it all.

We can help you manage negative emotions and change relationship habits. We can help you assess your relationships and we can help you define appropriate goals and remove any emotional problems to achieving them.

Relationship Problems

Bonds are emotional connections between people. Bonding between children and parents, for example, results in a strong sense of attachment. Damage to this sense of connection can distort or damage relationships. The relationship damage may be called attachment disorders.

Relationship problems are both the cause and effect of unhealthy relationships. Ignoring relationship problems can lead to depression and psychosomatic illness.

Immature adults often make excuses, blame others, complain and justify their behavior. Most people seem to suffer long before they seek help to change their suffering.

Some people attract rejection. They might choose risky partners, or seem to do everything to sabotage their relationships, or they might only feel attracted to people who are likely to reject them: unavailable, aggressive or withdrawn people.

Recovery from Relationship Disappointments & Identity Loss

Most people respond to injustice following the rules they learned as children, from their parents and grandparents. A common response to relationship problems and injustice is identity loss, especially in children. Some common forms of identity loss are:

  • Cannot choose own life goals (Identifications)
  • Cannot describe, feel or express emotions (Identity Loss)
  • Cannot change beliefs or obsessions (Relationship Bonds)
  • Cannot make decisions without inner conflict (Identity Conflict)

Do your family or friends suffer because you have emotional problems
and you won't get help? We can help you manage these and similar issues.
Contact us to manage negative emotions and solve relationship problems.

Online Help: Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers & Kosjenka Muk 2008-2018 All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email