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Solutions for Relationship Problems
For Coaches, Counselors & Therapists Martyn Carruthers

Online Relationship Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

Do you help people untangle their relationships and emotions?

Soulwork Systemic Diagnosis & Relationship Coaching

When we help you improve your relationships, we use a relationship diagnosis format. To help people effectively, we need to know what's happening NOW in your relationships. You need to know which relationships require what changes, in what sequence, for you to enjoy achieving your goals.

We help people explore their relationships using many perspectives. We have tested our diagnosis in over twenty countries, and find it to be valid across cultures, even with members of aboriginal groups who have never heard of Western psycho-theologies and philosophies.

Our systemic coaching blends goal diagnosis and relationship diagnosis with non-verbal diagnosis. It requires mastery of some basic skills that we teach. Here is a quick self-test that you might enjoy:

  1. Can you build trusting relationships easily?
  2. Can you test whether relationship goals are achieved?
  3. Can you dissolve common verbal and non-verbal objections?
  4. Can you put all answers together to make a coherent model?
  5. Can you test whether verbal answers match non-verbal signals?
  6. Can you test the answers and your model using other modalities?
  7. Can you check the consequences of possible actions or inaction?
  8. Can you neutrally ask questions without favoring certain answers?
  9. Can you neutrally listen to answers, without distorting the answers?
  10. Can you recognize transferences, transference loops and identity loss?

Our relationship diagnosis helps us rapidly assess and often predict relationship behavior, so that we can better help you evaluate your relationships, goals, beliefs and blocks; and provide much of the information you need to fulfill your goals.

Our relationship diagnosis can help you to assess, evaluate and change your relationships. It provides valuable relationship information in a short time that you can correlate, test, confirm and integrate using our other systemic coaching tools.

Goal Diagnosis: "What do you want?"

As you improve at relationship diagnosis, you can include goal diagnosis. Few people can answer the question, "What do you want?" with a single, specific, timed goal with a plan to actualize the goal in ways that benefit (or at least do not harm) all important people involved.

You can use goal diagnosis to identify the potential consequences and side-effects of achieving goals and of the strategies for achieving those goals. Together, relationship diagnosis and goal diagnosis help people find appropriate goals and appropriate strategies for achieving those goals.

Psychobiology of Soul . Coaching & Chaos . Quantum Coaching

Soulwork and Relationship Entanglements

Systemic relationship problems refer to unwanted emotional confusion or bonds between people, usually unpleasant feelings or beliefs based on past injustice and guilt. Entanglements can generate enormous suffering, and are both the cause and effect of abnormal relationship behavior.

Entangled people often ignore or excuse their own problematic behavior. They blame others, complain and justify their entanglements. Most people will suffer long before they seek relationship coaching that can dissolve entanglements.

Depression can also follow entanglements with cults and cult-like organizations (e.g. military, multi-level marketing, some government agencies). Our Exit Coaching can help people disentangle from unhealthy organizations, from counselors or from damage by therapists.

Helping professionals and managers who can recognize the behaviors associated with identity loss can predict problems, get help early and protect people and organizations from unpleasant consequences.

Identity Loss

In any family (or other human system), people are alert to justice and guilt, and respond to perceived injustice following the examples set by parents and grandparents. We refer to some common responses to injustice and disappointments as identity loss: We help people find themselves.

  1. Cannot change behavior (Identity Bonds)
  2. Cannot express own life choices (Identifications)
  3. Cannot make decisions without conflict (Identity Conflict)
  4. Cannot describe, feel or express emotions (Lost Resources)

1. Some Beliefs are Bonds

People who stay in unpleasant relationships despite having reasons to leave may be emotionally bonded. Relationship bonds may manifest as helplessness and hopelessness - represented by beliefs such as "I must do as I am told", "I deserve to feel bad" or "I cannot leave".

2. Systemic Identifications

A person may identify with another person who is perceived as having been treated unjustly. (Watching cinema often produces short-term identifications lasting a few minutes). Some common identifications have predictable sets of chronic symptoms:

People with identifications may express emotional outbursts. A search for the emotional triggers often indicates the causative entanglement and the type of identification. Identifications seem to be common and cause much suffering.

3. Systemic Identity Conflict

People with identity conflict may swing between two poles or identities - sometimes within a few minutes. A decision or promise made in one polarity may be forgotten or ignored in the other. In extreme cases, if one polarity is depressed, a person may be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If the person is amnesic of personality changes, the diagnosis may be multiple personality syndrome.

4. Systemic Identity Loss

If a person cannot describe or feel their emotions, we suspect a lost sense of self or Identity Loss. This can result from abuse, or from being ignored as a child. People with identity loss may function in a robot-like manner and avoid participating in life.

Contact us to dissolve emotional blocks and relationship issues

Online Relationship Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
I'm very glad that we met.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers, 2003-2018
All rights reserved.

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Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

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Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email