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Case Histories

Compliance & Relationship Abuse

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Recognize Compliance - Defeat Manipulation

Much advertising is designed by professionals trained in psychology and skilled in manipulation. They want your money, your vote; or your compliance. Religions and politicians want you to comply with some message. Some common methods of influencing you are:

Let's look at ways to protect yourself against manipulation and abuse.

[ Verbal Aikido ] [ Client Abuse by Therapists ] [ Abuse by Trainers ]

Compliance & Reciprocity

A salesman compliments you and gives you a CD. You want to repay what was given to you and you waste half hour watching an infomercial.  In your desire to be fair, you may:

1. ignore other factors in your decisions
2. forget to decide whom you wish to owe
3. give your power to other people
4. repay a small favor with a much larger favor

After a salesman shows you a luxury car - you may be pleased to buy a regular model. Many compliance games start with an offer for you to reject, followed by a lesser offer. You are more likely to accept the second offer. If you refuse to buy a luxury item, you are more likely to buy a lesser product. A defense against reciprocity is to accept initial favors, but be ready to redefine them as tricks or games. Then you can fairly reject manipulation.

Compliance & Consistency

You probably want your words, attitudes and deeds to be consistent and congruent. Your consistency reduces your need to reprocess information, and offers shortcuts through complex decisions.

If you are invited to take a position (e.g. a loyal member of an association) that benefits someone else, you may make subsequent decisions that do not support your values, your goals or your life.

To resist consistency, you can feel signals from your stomach and your heart. Stomach signals often indicate that you feel pushed to agree to something that you don't want. Heart signals may indicate that you are uncertain if your commitment was a mistake. You can ask yourself, "Knowing what I now know, if I could do that again, would I make the same commitment?"

Compliance & Social Proof

Before making a decision, you may check what other people believe. An organization may inform you that other people (the more - the better, and the more famous the better) have purchased their products or use their services. This may weaken you to do what you would otherwise avoid.

Social proof can most influence you when:

• you are uncertain (you are more likely to accept others' actions as correct)
• people like you do something (you are more likely to follow people like you)

You can test the evidence of what others are doing and recognize that the actions of other people, even people like you, should not form the sole basis for your decisions.

Compliance & Likeability

You want to agree with people you like. You want to credit people you like with talent, kindness and intelligence. Organizations, politicians and other salespeople can use this to change your attitude. Remember that salespeople are selected or trained to be likeable.

• physically attractive
• people who appear to have similar values to you
• praise and compliments
• familiarity through repeated contacts
• contact in pleasant circumstances
• association with desired things

Upon recognizing that you like a salesperson too well, you can mentally separate the person from the product, and make a decision based on the quality and desirability of the product.

Compliance & Assumed Authority

If you comply with authorities mindlessly - you may respond to symbols of authority rather than to reality. Three authority symbols are particularly effective in Western countries - you may reward people with any one of these (and no other evidence of authority) with your compliance:

• Titles
• Clothes
• Automobiles

You can defend yourself against assumed authority by asking:

• Is this person competent?
• What proof of expertise is available?
• What happens if I ignore this?

Compliance & Scarcity

Do you comply with limited spaces and deadline tactics? A message is more powerful if you perceive it as exclusive or special. If a limited service seems more valuable - you may respond by buying it.

Do you want the goods or services - even if they are really scarce? Or the items may be readily available elsewhere ... many marketers and salespeople are skilled at distorting truth.

Summary

These are a few common ways by which people may try to manipulate you. Sensitivity to these will help you notice other ways. Once you observe these methods, your attention reduces their effects on you. A quick barrier is simply to congratulate abusers on their skill in using compliance techniques.

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