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Note: We suggest that you research the relationship
consequences of any training and trainer before attending - especially if covert hypnosis,
belief and value change are major themes of the training.
Some trainers and training organizations are notorious
for training abuse and mentor damage - and maybe you know some of them. If not - just ask around.
Training, Trainers & Mentor Abuse
Continued from Training Abuse 1
Some training programs have toxic consequences for
both participants and trainers, and some trainings are designed to attract
students who will comply with cult-like rules.
Trainers generally teach content - information,
skills to expand capabilities and beliefs about the context taught.
However trainers will also impart, overtly or covertly, information about their
values, relationships and sense of life, although these
are more commonly the domains of mentorship.
Consequences for Abused Students
As students learn explicit skills, awareness and practices, they also model (imitate) implicit attitudes; and may express those attitudes in their own lives. If they were victims of an abusive trainer, they may act out their abuse with their clients, customers or family. A code of ethics does not prevent the duplication of abusive behavior. Abused students may become abusers who damage the lives of other people - often with good intentions. Consequences for Abusive Trainers Although trainers who abuse students may enjoy some short-term rewards (often egotistic, financial or sexual), the longer term consequences often include guilt, entanglements and diminished sense of life. Victims of severe toxic mentorship cannot be happy and may immerse themselves in distractions, obsessions or addictions. They may damage their most intimate relationships, and they become suspicious of other potential mentors. In this chart, mentor roles are shaded pink and trainer roles are shaded cream.
Healthy Training or Mentor Damage?
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| Sense |
A mentor can encourage or discourage students to find deep and lasting happiness. - Does a mentor help students assess their sense of life?
- Does a mentor create an egocentric charismatic mission?
- Does a mentor promise to fulfill students deepest needs?
- Does a mentor offer promises of spiritual power?
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| Identity |
A mentor can bond to students with healthy or toxic relationship bonds - Does a mentor boost or damage their students' self-esteem?
- Does a mentor try to become a focus of student fantasies?
- Does a mentor enmesh students in a closed system?
- Does a mentor lure confused people with dreams of utopia?
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| Values |
A mentor can accept or deny that students have different values - Does a mentor demand alignment and allegiance?
- Does a mentor require group conformity and compliance?
- Does a mentor blame, silence or expel independent students?
- Does mentor expose or ignore unpleasant thoughts or emotions?
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| Beliefs |
A trainer can influence the empowering or limiting beliefs of students - Does a trainer enforce rules by manipulation and scapegoating?
- Do students hide or expose limiting beliefs to the trainer?
- Does a trainer teach secrets that exclude other people?
- Does a trainer require students to show faith in course material?
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| Modeling |
A trainer may be competent or incompetent in the training context - Does trainer claim that resistance to training is regressive?
- Does trainer requires that students 'work through' their resistance?
- Is a trainer trapped in high expectations and dependency?
- Do students repeat their own abuse with future clients / students?
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| Behavior |
A trainer's relationship skills can encourage or discourage bad manners - Does a trainer avoid or desire tests of own competence?
- Does a trainer avoid or encourage student objections?
- Does a trainer admit or hide incompetence?
- Are outsiders considered fair game for manipulation?
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| Reality |
A trainer may welcome or avoid feedback from real-world tests - Does a trainer invite or discourage external influences?
- Does a trainer protect students from real-world tests?
- Does a trainer demand faith or arrange real-world testing?
- Does a trainer distort feedback to hide own limitations?
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With these questions, you may recognize and evaluate some cult-like schools and guru-like trainers. You can recognize, avoid and expose mentor damage. Exit Coaching from Cults . Abusive Therapists
| I took courses on esoteric healing. We paid a lot of money to learn how to use energy to heal disease, although little was demonstrated and there were always reasons why those demonstrations didn't work.
Your high emphasis on demonstrations in Soulwork is to be commended. CCH, Halifax, Canada |
Cults vs. Training People who feel special need people who recognize their specialness. Healthy training organizations cannot supply enough recognition for these people, so unhealthy trainers may specialize in recruiting training-cult members. Maybe you have experienced what I'm talking about. - Perception that cult membership ensures or improves specialness
- Desire to fulfill the expectations of the new cult family
- Fascination with power and powerful people
- Desire for authority
- Need for success
- Desire to fulfill idealistic expectations of loving relationships
- Desire to found own special group
The desire to be special often originates in the early family, when a parent is missing or entangled with a child. See Mother-Son Bonds and Father-Daughter bonds. Were you an Abused Student? Soulwork systemic coaching can help you heal yourself of training abuse. We cannot do it for you - its an adult responsibility. We can coach you through the steps. 1. A symptom of severe training abuse or mentor damage is that a victim may be unwilling to accept guidance from any other trainer, coach, mentor etc. This person may be suspicious of and unable to trust a trainer, coach or helping professional. 2. Many people who suffer from trainer abuse or mentor damage were previously entangled with family members, so it is important to identify the most urgent entanglements. However, training damage and mentor abuse may diminish a person's ability to identify appropriate assistance. 3. You can help resolve trainer abuse with practical real-world action. Examples are: - Contact the trainer and ask for your tuition fee to be refunded
- Contact the trainer and ask for payment for your subsequent therapy
- Publish articles or create a support group for people damaged by trainers
- Publish your experience in trade or psychological journals
Consult your physician
about any opinions or recommendations about your medical symptoms or other medical
questions.
Do you want private coaching or
professional training?
We can train you to coach individuals, partners and teams to resolve a wide
range of emotional and relationship challenges.
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