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Pedophile: an adult with sexual
desire for children, or an adult who has committed
the crime of sex with
a child (Encyclopedia Encarta, 2003)
Do your children risk child sexual abuse? ... Yes!
... sexual abuse of children by
adults may start with touching, kissing or fondling, and can progress to
oral sex and vaginal or anal penetration. It may
include emotional abuse such as shouting,
threats, degrading or humiliating criticism and demands for secrecy.
Sexual abuse may include emotional incest - adult expressions of
love that are appropriate for a partner - not for a child.
Occasionally sexual abuse ends with kidnapping
or murder of the child, to avoid
the discovery and punishment of the criminal
sex offender. (Encyclopedia Encarta, 2003)
Preventing Child Sexual Abuse
Our systemic coaching model integrates emotional factors
related to the victim, the victim's family and the abuser, and places
responsibility on the abuser while recognizing the systemic influences
of the abuser's family and culture. It incorporates many theories and observations,
and provides a simple model for explaining and remedying sexual abuse.
This helps predict, deter and remedy sexual abuse.
1: Motivation to abuse
- a. Emotional Needs:
sexual contact with a child satisfies emotional needs
- b. Sexual Arousal:
a child represents sexual gratification for the abuser
- c. Substitutions: alternative sexual gratification
is unavailable or less satisfactory
a. Emotional Needs
An emotional need to abuse children seems to
originate in an abuser's family of origin. A pedophile is likely male,
and was likely the subject of physical or emotional incest, pedophilia
and/or sexual molestation by
relatives, teachers, clergy, scoutmasters, etc.
A child who is molested will usually dissociate or
"step out" of the experience. The safest or most powerful place of
refuge is the abuser. If a child identifies (becomes emotionally
entangled) with an abuser during abuse or incest, a child can create a
latent personality, an "inner" sexual abuser, which will
likely be repressed or dormant until adolescence.
During emotional incest, a child loved as a
substitute for a partner may create a latent personality that
after adolescence responds to
children as if to sexual objects.
b. Sexual Arousal
Sexual gratification for the abuser expresses the
repressed or dormant personality. When this personality is expressed, a
great relief is experienced, although the re-emerging dominant
personality may be guilt-ridden about the acts of abuse, and motivated
to forget, justify or excuse his own behavior ... until the repressed
personality re-asserts itself.
c. Substitution
Fantasies, pornography and watching children
are common substitutes for pedophile sexual gratification.
These substitutes release emotional pressure from the abusers'
sub-personalities, and may be enough to prevent the expression of
sexual contact with children.
2: Internal Inhibition
If the potential abuser is bonded by personal, cultural or
religious taboos - he will not abuse children - unless and until
emotional pressure reaches a threshold that demands action. Studies of
pedophilia in the Catholic church expose the inner conflicts of men
who could not control their obsessions.
Personal, cultural or religious taboos can decrease an
abuser's motivation to abuse. Some ways that people free themselves from
these taboos are alcohol, illegal drugs and
philosophies that teach that unconscious impulses should be
expressed without inhibition.
3: External Obstacles
After internal inhibitions, abusers must overcome obstacles
such as family members, neighbors, the
child's friends, supervision and training. Risk factors that contribute
to child sexual abuse are:
- Lack of careful education of children
- Parental trust of adult guardians (teachers,
clergy, scoutmasters etc)
- Physical closeness of the adults to children
- Available locations that were unlikely to be
disturbed
4: Resistance
After inhibitions and obstacles, a pedophile must overcome
the child's own resistance. Abusers may select children based on a withdrawn,
insecure or dissociated body postures - children who lack friends or
siblings. Children selected by abusers are rarely aware that they are being
sexually approached, and some children are "groomed" with attention
until they comply, or until they reach a legal age of
consent.
Preventing Abuse
Effective prevention includes teaching children to
avoid, resist and report abuse, and teaching systemic coaching skills to
counselors and therapists. Although child abuse may be the result of bribery,
force or threats or violence; children can be taught to deter abusers by
increasing their risk of detection or capture. Examples are:
- avoid locations of higher risk, especially
when alone
- confident posture and assertive body
language
- resist abuse by screaming and running away
- tell trusted adults about attempted abuse or
excessively friendly adults
Abuse may also be prevented by appropriate
treatment for the abusers who accept responsibility
for their urges. Yet, some pedophiles do not want to change
and do not accept responsibility. Instead they blame
other people - typically their victims. Soulwork systemic coaching
offers effective treatment programs for motivated and responsible adults
and their partners or families.
Sexual
Abuse . Emotional Incest .
Sexual Solutions .
Sexual Affairs
Our systemic coaching incorporates many
observations
to provide a simple model for remedying most consequences of sexual abuse.
Contact us.
Consult your physician
about any opinions about your medical symptoms or other medical
questions.
Do you want private coaching or
professional training?
We can train you to coach individuals, partners and teams to resolve a wide
range of emotional, educational and relationship challenges.
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