What were your relationship consequences of trainings you have attended -
especially if suggestion, hypnosis or belief change were themes of the training?
Incompetent, Abusive and Toxic Training
Some training programs have unpleasant consequences for
participants. Examine the course topics,
the trainers and the training style. While many trainers would dislike being called
manipulative, some might be pleased ... it's what they do best.
Workshops and trainings with topics such as How to Make
People buy Your Products often ignore long-term consequences
in favor of short-term goals,
but provide information that people will pay for. Topics such as
Financial Success with Little Effort may be a ruse for manipulation,
hypnotic language and coercion, with unadvertised consequences that you
neither expect nor want.
Trainers who Abuse Students
Some teachers inspire students - and some extort money or
sexual favors from participants. Some trainers use students as substitutes
for laboratory rats. Does a trainer attempt to:
- limit your behavior or increase your
- present their own values as a model for your life?
- install beliefs rather
than provide useful information?
- test the consequences of
their information in your life?
- express relationship behavior that
inspires or damages relationships?
Some trainers attract the lost and the weary with promises of respect,
success and power. But if people who dislike toxic training try to leave - they
may be called quitters, regressive or learning disabled. We often help people
who feel trainer disabled.
As trainings can include any combination of topics, we use a
hierarchy of abstraction of type of information and the role
of the trainer. See: Steps to an Ecology of Mind
by Dr. Gregory Bateson) :
||Role of Trainer
|Sense of Life
||Overall sense of
||Priest or Guru
||Defining self in
||Evaluate & change
||Evaluate & change priorities
||Choosing personal beliefs
||Evaluate & change beliefs
||Improve ability to learn
||Provide repetitive techniques
||Test knowledge in
||Help interpret feedback
We believe that testing knowledge in the real world, not in a
classroom or laboratory, should be a basis of learning. Only
real-world tests can show whether or not strategies are valid
and valuable in the contexts for which they were claimed.
A trainer's sense of life may be an overt or covert part of their
training. A trainer's maturity and integrity are critical, especially in longer trainings.
We help people evaluate whether a specific training or a trainer
is likely to provide clarity or confusion:
||Clear sense of
||Confused sense of
To evaluate overall training effectiveness, we enquire whether a
training offer testable specific results for specific actions
in specific contexts. Does a training include real-world tests to prove
that the promised results are gained? How does a trainer recommend that
students test and use the material?
Overall Training Effectiveness
Sense of Life
|How do you experience your
sense of life since the training?
||How do you
experience your relationships since the training?
you enjoy your new
priorities since the training?
||How do you feel about the
training context since the training?
||What was the result of your
test your skills since the training?
||What was the result of
your test for behavior since the training?
were used before, during and after the training to test
the validity of the material in the real world?
What is Abusive Training?
Many courses are available to people seeking help or wanting
to help others; and many trainers say that they can fulfill these
needs. Yet some unpleasant consequences tend to haunt abusive trainers and
their students. Questions that we find useful are:
- How can you recognize trainer abuse?
- Which trainers damage their students?
- How can you recognize abused students?
- How can people recover from toxic training?
- What does the trainer do to prevent student abuse?
Cult characteristics provide a useful measure of
organizational dysfunction which can lead to abuse in training. Many
cult characteristics include dimensions of compliance
and control. Some are:
||Role of Trainer
|| Role of Cult Leader
|Sense of Life
||Mentor, Facilitator or Coach
||Priest or guru
||Provide models for relationships
||Provide models for priorities
||Closed narcissistic systems
||Provide models for beliefs
||Offers dogma and secrets
||Develops learning flexibility
||Creativity is a
||Helps interpret feedback
||Avoids real world tests
Recognizing Abused Students
People who receive abusive training or mentorship
may later suffer mentor damage.
Some common consequences of mentor damage are:
- Distrust self and own decisions
- Distrust all trainers and mentors
- Increase dependent relationships
- Feel depressed & with less sense of life
- Become less able to develop healthy friendships or
I took a NLP
course on hypnotic sales techniques. I was hypnotized a lot by the
trainer and by other students. Soon, love and spirituality were just word games ...
my wife and I divorced ... she got a restraining order to stop me seeing
our children ... but my sales definitely improved. Canada
There are consequences to
the people who practice manipulative techniques.
Do you stay
close to people who do these things
about their passive-aggressive behavior?
Trainer Abuse 2
Do you want to solve emotional or relationship
Online Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Systemic Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
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Martyn Carruthers 2005-2017 All rights reserved.