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The Relationship Coaching Institute

Abusive Trainers & Student Abuse

Consequences of Incompetent & Abusive Training

We suggest that you research the relationship consequences of any trainer or training before attending it - especially if suggestion, hypnosis, belief or value change are themes of the training.

Toxic Training?

Some training programs have unpleasant consequences for participants, and the course topics and training style can be examined.

Topics such as How to Make People buy Things they don't Want may ignore long-term consequences in favor of short-term goals, but provide information that many people will pay for.

Topics such as Real Estate Bargains in Florida Swamps or Be a Millionaire without Effort may be a ruse for manipulation, hypnotic language, lies and coercion.

Trainers who Abuse Students

Some trainers abuse students. Some teachers extort money or sexual favors from participants. Some professors use students as substitutes for laboratory rats. Check if a trainer:

  1. models relationship behavior that damage relationships
  2. presents their own values as a model for life
  3. installs limiting beliefs rather than provide useful information
  4. limits student behavior rather than increase flexibility
  5. avoids testing the consequences of the information in the real world

Some trainers attract the lost and the weary with promises of success and power. People who are hurt or damaged by toxic training try to leave it - and may be called quitters, regressive or learning disabled. Soulwork can help people who are trainer disabled.

A hierarchy of logical types (called Logical Levels in NLP) helps differentiate abstract concepts. (See: Steps to an Ecology of Mind by Dr. Gregory Bateson.)

Training Types

As training can include any topic, a hierarchy of abstraction of the type of information and the role of the trainer would look like:

Abstraction  Type of Information Role of Trainer
Sense of Life Overall sense of fulfillment Mentor, Priest or Guru
Relationships Defining self in relationships Evaluate & change relationships
Priorities Choosing personal values Evaluate & change priorities
Performance Choosing personal beliefs Evaluate & change beliefs
Capacity Replicate or create skills Improve ability to learn
Behavior Techniques and skills Provide repetitive techniques
Real world Test knowledge in real world Help interpret feedback

Testing knowledge in the real world, not in a classroom, should be a base for learning. As in Expert Modeling, only real-world tests of knowledge can prove whether or not a strategy is valid and valuable in the context for which it was learned.

A trainer's sense of life may be an overt or covert part of their training. A trainer's attitude is critical in longer trainings about communication and human development. You can ask students to evaluate whether a specific training or a certain trainer is likely to provide healthy or unhealthy results:

Abstraction Healthy  Unhealthy
Sense of Life Clear sense of integrity Confused sense of life
Relationships Clear relationships Violated promises
Priorities Clear values Confused priorities
Performance Clear beliefs Limiting or dependent beliefs
Capacity Clear improvement Reduced capabilities
Behavior Clear performance benefits Techniques are confusing
Real world Tests show obvious benefits Tests show uncertain results

To evaluate overall training effectiveness, enquire whether a training offer testable specific results for specific actions in a specific context? Does a training include real-world tests to prove that the promised results are gained? How does a training recommend that you test and use the material?

Overall Training Effectiveness

Sense

How do you experience your sense of life after the training?
Identity How do you experience yourself in relationships after the training?
Values How do you feel about your priorities after the training?
Beliefs How do you feel about the training context after the training?
Modeling What was the result of your test for improved skills after the training?
Behavior What was the result of your test for rote behavior after the training?

Reality

What reality checks were used before, during and after the training?

What is Abusive Training?

Many courses are available to people seeking help or wishing to help others. Many trainers hurry to provide this popular need. And many consequences will haunt abusive trainers and their students.

  • Can you recognize abused students?
  • What training structures facilitate student abuse?
  • How can trainer abuse be healed?
  • How can people recognize toxic training?
  • Which trainers damage their students?

Cult characteristics provide a useful measure of organizational dysfunction which can lead to abuse in self-help and therapeutic training. Many cult characteristics have powerful dimensions of compliance and control. Some are:

  Role of Trainer  Cult Characteristic
Sense of Life Mentor, Facilitator or Coach Priest or Guru
Relationships Provide model for relationships Conformity & idealized trainers
Priorities Provide model for priorities Closed narcissistic system
Performance Provide model for beliefs Dogma and secrets
Capacity Change ability to learn Creativity is a liability
Behavior Teach repetitive techniques Learn rituals
Real world Help interpret feedback Avoid real world tests

Recognizing Abused Students

People who receive toxic training or toxic mentorship (mentor damage) may:

  • Depend on someone else to know the answers - a guru
  • Become unable to create deep friendship or lasting partnership
  • Increase dependent relationships
  • Distrust self and own decisions
  • Distrust all trainers and mentors
  • Become depressed & lose sense of life

I took a course on hypnotic sales. I was hypnotized by the trainers and by other students. Soon, life lost meaning - love and religion became word games ... my wife and I divorced ... she got a restraining order to stop me seeing our children ... but my sales did improve.  AM Toronto, Canada

While many trainers would dislike being called manipulative, some might be pleased.

Can you predict the consequences to the people who practice such techniques? Would you stay in partnership or even in friendship with someone who does these things to you; or who brags about how they manipulate their partner, friends, family members or customers?

If you or a loved one was abused by a trainer, we can help you. Email us.

Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? We can train you to coach individuals, partners and teams to resolve a wide range of emotional, educational and relationship challenges.

[ Continued in Trainer Abuse 2 ]


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The Relationship Coaching Institute
 
 
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Workshop

Systemic Coach Training  (Calendar)

Systems 1 How to evaluate relationship dynamics and recognize common entanglements
Systems 2 How to define life goals, identify blocks, resolve objections & plan for success
Systems 3 How to provide or continue goalwork using interactive metaphors and Dreamwork
Systems 4 How to dissolve the consequences of abuse and trauma, and rebuild motivation
Systems 5 How to change limiting beliefs and codependence for emotional freedom
Systems 6 How to recognize and resolve identity loss: recover lost qualities and lost skills
Systems 7 How to resolve therapist or spiritual damage and provide inspirational mentorship
Systems 8 How to coach partners to build lasting happiness and avoid partnership breakdown
Systems 9 How to coach parents to resolve family problems and to set and enjoy family goals
Systems 10 How to coach team leaders to develop teams while solving team problems
Specialty Advanced workshops and specialty training tailored to fulfill your goals and needs

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2009 All rights reserved. These Systemic Solutions were primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We coach and train people to succeed by solving emotional and relationship problems. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Link to our pages, but get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.

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