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We suggest that you research the
relationship consequences of any trainer or training before attending it -
especially if suggestion, hypnosis, belief or value change are themes of the
training.
Toxic Training?
Some training programs have unpleasant consequences for
participants, and the course topics and training style can be
examined.
Topics such as How to Make People buy Things they don't
Want may ignore long-term
consequences in favor of short-term goals, but provide information that many
people will pay for.
Topics such as Real Estate Bargains in Florida Swamps
or Be a Millionaire without Effort may be a ruse for
manipulation, hypnotic language, lies and coercion.
Trainers who Abuse Students
Some trainers abuse students. Some teachers
extort money or sexual favors from participants. Some professors use
students as substitutes for laboratory rats. Check if a trainer:
- models relationship behavior that
damage relationships
- presents their own values as a model
for life
- installs limiting beliefs rather
than provide useful information
- limits student behavior rather
than increase flexibility
- avoids testing the consequences of
the information in the real world
Some trainers attract the lost and the weary with promises of
success and power. People who are hurt or damaged by toxic training try to leave
it - and may be called quitters, regressive or
learning disabled. Soulwork can help people who are trainer disabled.
A hierarchy of logical types (called
Logical Levels in NLP) helps differentiate abstract concepts.
(See: Steps to an Ecology of Mind by Dr. Gregory Bateson.)
Training Types
As training can include any topic, a hierarchy of abstraction
of the type of information and the role of the trainer
would look like:
| Abstraction |
Type
of Information |
Role of Trainer |
| Sense of Life |
Overall sense of
fulfillment |
Mentor, Priest or Guru |
| Relationships |
Defining self in
relationships |
Evaluate & change
relationships |
| Priorities |
Choosing
personal values |
Evaluate & change priorities |
| Performance |
Choosing
personal beliefs |
Evaluate & change beliefs |
|
Capacity |
Replicate or
create skills |
Improve ability to learn |
|
Behavior |
Techniques and
skills |
Provide repetitive techniques |
| Real world |
Test knowledge in
real world |
Help interpret feedback |
Testing knowledge in the real world, not in a classroom, should be a
base for learning. As in
Expert
Modeling, only real-world tests of knowledge can prove
whether or not a strategy is valid and valuable in the context for which it
was learned.
A trainer's sense of life may be an overt or covert part
of their training. A trainer's attitude is critical in longer trainings about
communication and human development. You can ask students to
evaluate whether a specific training or a certain trainer is likely to provide healthy
or unhealthy results:
| Abstraction |
Healthy |
Unhealthy |
| Sense
of Life |
Clear sense of
integrity |
Confused sense of
life |
| Relationships |
Clear
relationships |
Violated promises |
| Priorities |
Clear values |
Confused
priorities |
| Performance |
Clear beliefs |
Limiting or
dependent beliefs |
|
Capacity |
Clear improvement |
Reduced
capabilities |
|
Behavior |
Clear performance
benefits |
Techniques are
confusing |
| Real world |
Tests show
obvious benefits |
Tests show
uncertain results |
To evaluate overall training effectiveness, enquire
whether a training offer testable specific results for specific actions
in a specific context? Does a training include real-world tests to prove that the
promised results are gained? How does a training recommend that you test
and use the material?
|
Overall Training Effectiveness |
|
Sense |
How do you experience your
sense of life after the training? |
| Identity |
How do you
experience yourself in relationships after the training? |
| Values |
How do
you feel about your
priorities after the training? |
| Beliefs |
How do you feel about the
training context after the training? |
|
Modeling |
What was the result of your test
for improved skills after the training? |
|
Behavior |
What was the result of your test
for rote behavior after the training? |
|
Reality |
What reality checks
were used before, during and after the training? |
What is Abusive Training?
Many courses are available to people seeking help
or wishing to help others. Many trainers hurry to provide
this popular need. And many
consequences will haunt abusive trainers and their students.
- Can you recognize abused students?
- What training structures facilitate student abuse?
- How can trainer abuse be healed?
- How can people recognize toxic training?
- Which trainers damage their students?
Cult characteristics provide a useful measure of organizational
dysfunction which can lead to abuse in self-help and therapeutic training.
Many cult characteristics have powerful dimensions of compliance and
control. Some are:
| |
Role of Trainer |
Cult
Characteristic |
| Sense of Life |
Mentor, Facilitator or Coach |
Priest or Guru |
| Relationships |
Provide model for relationships |
Conformity &
idealized trainers |
| Priorities |
Provide model for priorities |
Closed
narcissistic system |
| Performance |
Provide model for beliefs |
Dogma and secrets |
|
Capacity |
Change ability to learn |
Creativity is a
liability |
|
Behavior |
Teach repetitive techniques |
Learn rituals |
| Real world |
Help interpret feedback |
Avoid real world
tests |
Recognizing Abused Students
People who receive toxic training or toxic mentorship
(mentor damage) may:
- Depend on someone else to know the answers - a guru
- Become unable to create deep friendship or
lasting partnership
- Increase dependent relationships
- Distrust self and own decisions
- Distrust all trainers and mentors
- Become depressed & lose sense of life
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I took a course on hypnotic sales. I was hypnotized by the trainers
and by other students. Soon, life lost meaning - love and religion became word games ...
my wife and I divorced ... she got a restraining order to stop me seeing our
children ... but my sales did improve. AM Toronto, Canada |
While many trainers would dislike being called
manipulative, some might be pleased.
Can you predict the consequences to the people
who practice such techniques? Would you stay in partnership or
even in friendship with someone who does these things to you; or
who brags about how they manipulate their
partner, friends, family members or customers?
If you or a loved one was abused by a
trainer, we can help you. Email us.
Do you want relationship coaching or
systemic coach training?
We can train you to coach individuals, partners and teams to resolve a wide
range of emotional, educational and relationship challenges.
[ Continued in
Trainer Abuse 2 ]
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