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Martyn Carruthers, founder of Soulwork
Systemic Solutions, has presented interactive seminars and
demonstration-rich workshops on systemic coaching,
relationships and relationship
bonds. Email us if you wish to organize a seminar or workshop in
your area.
Personal Abuse, Family Abuse & Minority Abuse
Inquisition priests would torture you for the good
of your soul. Your parents might hurt you to
build your character. Sales people are trained to covertly elicit
information to help you buy. Employers may bully you to
increase your productivity. Interviewers may pry into your private
life for the benefit of the organization. Abusers always have
excuses. The differences between abuse, interrogation and elicitation are
blurred by intentions and intensity.
Relationship abuse can be recognized by dominance and
control. Emotional displays, threats, lies, broken promises and
humiliation may also be present. Many abusers appear to be emotionally
immature; they are often entangled with their relatives and damaged by
childhood trauma. Many abusive adults experienced emotional incest
as children, and are emotionally entangled with a parent. And they may
try to entangle you.
Relationship abuse affects millions of people, but is
rarely reported due to shame or lack of legal knowledge. Following
abuse, Soulwork coaching can help you heal the consequences.
[
Emotional Incest ] [
Mother - Son Bonds
] [ Father - Daughter Bonds
]
Dealing with Abuse
Three questions about abuse are emotional maturity,
responsibility and consent.
Can you manage (not just
dissociate) your own strong emotions? When are you responsible
for another person's actions? What constitutes informed
consent on the part of the victims?
Abusive relationships range from parental criticism
and school-teacher sarcasm to hostile interviews, interrogation and
kidnapping. The consequences of abusive relationships can include
psychosis, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression
and psychosomatic disease - for the victims and for the abusers.
[ Trauma and PTSD ]
[ Anxiety and Hypochondria ] [
Depression ]
Many cults and cult-like organizations
(some training organizations,
businesses, multi-level marketing (MLM) companies and
military & paramilitary groups) abuse their members. Cults use
psychological and emotional techniques (brainwashing) to obtain
compliance. And many people have difficulty leaving abusive
organizations because of the effectiveness of coercion.
[
Training Abuse ] [ Exit
Coaching from Cults ] [
Sexual Abuse ]
Some helping professionals abuse their
patients, students or clients. These practitioners may prescribe a
treatment or program that they would not use for themselves or their
family. Or their abuse may be a symptom of sadism, incompetence,
immaturity, identity loss or codependence ... a symptom
of a sick need to control others.
[ Client
Abuse by Therapists ] [
Verbal Aikido ]
Abusers want to intimidate and manipulate
you. Domestic, employee and sales
abusers all want you to do something that benefits them personally.
Interrogation, interview
and elicitation specialists want information - that may be used
to hurt you.
Domestic Abuse and Child Abuse
Domestic abuse is pervasive in many
cultures. Domestic abuse includes behavior that inflicts or is intended
to inflict physical or emotional harm to a relative. Physical violence
or threats may accompany hurtful and demeaning communication. A desire
for power and a need to manipulate may follow an imbalance of justice in
the abuser's early family.
If an abusive relative wants to control
you, for whatever reason, your freedom of choice may seem limited. You
may feel afraid, angry, confused
and dependent. Each day may be a challenge. Although escape
may appear impossible, Soulwork coaching can help you regain your
resources and your integrity, and make healthy decisions.
As most domestic and child abusers have
been abused themselves, they often share common characteristics. They
are often addicts and they may have mental health problems. They are
often easily frustrated and moody - and they
may be unable to feel guilt about hurting you. Yet systemic coaching
can help them, too.
[ Addictions
] [ Sexual Abuse ] [
Parent Coaching
] [ Divorce Children ]
Employee Abuse
Managers who take their entanglements to
work may try to sort out their emotions by abusing their employees. If
managers see their employees as substitutes for difficult parents,
siblings, partners or children,
the managers may abuse their workers - and later dismiss employee
abuse as effective management.
Abused employees are often intelligent,
skilled and dependable, but don't understand office politics
and systemic power. Abusive managers are often insecure, yet they
want status, recognition and power. Soulwork corporate coaching can
coach managers to use quality management skills instead of intimidation,
and can coach employees to deal with difficult managers, to get promoted
or to arrange transfer.
[
Managing Difficult
Employees ] [
Downsizing ] [
Verbal Aikido ]
Abusive Partnership
Some people are surprised or shocked when
a relationship turns abusive, while some people enter a partnership
knowing that it will become abusive. The latter are usually
emotionally entangled with an abusive family member, and are striving to
rescue that family member by trying to rescue another abuser.
Abuse usually starts with good intentions.
[ Couple
Coaching ] [ Predictable
Partnership ]
Sales Abuse
Some salespeople are trained in
deception, intimidation and hypnotic language. They try to build your
trust, prolong negotiation and
wear down your resistance until you buy something you don't want
or can't afford. Abusive sellers use duress and undue influence to
obtain your compliance. Increasing numbers are trained in NLP or
hypnosis. You can prevent many unscrupulous sales techniques by:
Arrange for friends to be
present when you want to make a substantial purchase -
Discuss the details of any
contract with a trusted relative, friend or advisor first
If you feel at all abused,
leave - or make the salesperson leave
[ Selling with Integrity ]
Kidnapping and Interrogation
The common goal of interrogation,
interviews and elicitation is to obtain information. While elicitation is
usually covert, and interviews may be only be an inconvenience, the
primary goal of interrogation is to intimidate you, and cause you to
feel like a compliant child. Even before questioning, your capture,
detention and questioning may be to soften you for rapid
exploitation by a trained interrogator.
Although the United Nations Convention against
Torture prohibits the use of physical or mental pain to obtain
information; kidnappers may brutally disconnect you from your family,
friends and society, and use your sexuality, family and religion against
you.
Kidnappers may replace your sense of reality with a
confused sense of doom. They may besiege you with illogical statements
until your reality blurs. As you try to make sense of very unpleasant
nonsense, you may say anything to stop the confusion.
You will probably age-regress; you will start feeling
and behaving like a young adult, and then like a teenager, and then like
a child. You may be shocked at your own tears.
Interrogation tactics stretch from mind
games to torture. Abusive interrogators need not be psychopaths or
sadists, they are paid to get information from you, although they may
enjoy experimenting with torture, sexual humiliation, hypnosis or
psychoactive drugs.
[
Psychological Operations ] [
Trauma and PTSD ]
Kidnapping and Sensory Deprivation
A kidnapping may be planned for your
maximum shock - perhaps in the early morning. You will be expected to
feel insecure and deep distress. If you are put in solitary confinement,
you can also expect unpleasant hallucinations and delusions.
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Interrogation Techniques |
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- You may be strip searched
and your possessions taken
- You may be isolated,
perhaps for hours or days
- You may have no clean food, clean
water, toilet or bedding
- You maybe repeatedly asked seemingly
irrelevant questions
- You may be shown a dossier of your
activities
- You may be assured that a
co-operation will help you
- You may be promised leniency if you
confess now
- You may be told to sign a confusing
confession
- You may be put imprisoned with an
informant
- You may be threatened with physical
abuse or torture
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