Many people use drugs as a substitute for change.
Self-medication with alcohol, cigarettes, anti-depressants or junk food
to manage emotions
is easier than solving relationship problems,
but this self-medication can lead to unhealthy habits and addictions.
Are You in a Relationship with an Addict?
Addictions bring short-term relief and long-term nightmares.
Although some addictions are common and the consequences well known;
many intelligent and knowledgeable people become addicts. If
internet obsessions and other
are included with addiction, few people seem to be free.
Addictions fulfill a goal of I do not want to be me! - we call this
identity loss. Many people want to dissociate
or not-feel their negative emotions. We help people change the emotions and
relationships that motivate addictive behavior. But the longer you leave it -
the harder it gets.
Ive done every drug you could name and
probably more. I was doing them together,
just to get away from myself. But the highs never last.
Nothing changed except always worse. London
Drugs are not demons, drug addicts are not defective and most drug dealers
work for pharmaceutical companies. Millions of people are addicts - not only
to heroin, morphine, amphetamines, tranquilizers and cocaine, but also to
alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, sugar, masturbation, work, theft, gambling,
internet, sex ... and even to love.
Addicts and addictions are both common. Here are some pictures of an
addict ... could you or someone you love follow this highway to hell?
The consequences of addiction include brain damage, broken families and
profound suffering. Yet, if you ask an addict, Why do you to do this?"
their answers seem incomplete. I drink to forget what happened.
I smoke to avoid being fat. Gambling is in my blood.
And of course ... I can stop whenever I want.
Relationships with Addicts
Your relationships with an addict includes your relationship
with their addiction - and with their consequences. Relationships
with addicts usually require that you participate in their
addictions in ways that you probably won't like.
Falling in love can feel wonderful; while falling
out of love can bring suffering. Our brains change when we are in
love, in similar ways to some mental illnesses or addictive
drugs. Some people become addicted to sex or love, and falling out of love is
similar to withdrawal symptoms! Some addictions keep families together.
"After I quit crystal meth, my
mother killed herself.
She wrote that she did not feel needed once I was clean.
I can honestly say that I knew something terrible would happen".
It is pointless to hate or blame addicts, substances or behaviors, or even
those people who provide addictive opportunities. We help motivated people solve
the emotional and relationship entanglements that underlie most addictions.
Online Counseling and Coaching
We help people change the emotional consequences of their memories.
We can help you solve relationship problems, manage guilt, and live with
integrity. Do you want to end fixations,
People with alcohol or drug addictions can also contact a drug treatment
hotline for referrals to drug rehabs, recovery programs and sober living environments.
You gave me endless compassion and no
sympathy. You helped me find my passion ...
that I had almost forgotten
that I had. You were very tender and very tough
as you helped me get the monkey off my back.
Addiction: Benefits & Characteristics
Although chemical dependency may result from experiments with
addictive substances, few experiments seem to result in
addiction. People who become addicts want:
- to feel connected to people who are addicts
- dissociated people can experience pleasure
- to avoid boredom, pain or negative emotions
- to maintain a dependent or codependent relationship
- to fulfill the desires of a deity, ancestor or family member
Addictive relationships are in another category and often indicate
and searches for Soulmates
We often help people manage and change addictive relationships.
My addiction was a monster, always
watching and always waiting. It followed me everywhere.
If I had one moment
of weakness or despair or panic, it would catch and devour me again.
I thought I could never, ever be free of its hunger ... you helped me tame it.
If you suffer negative emotions or self-talk, including guilt,
boredom, frustration & self-hatred, then a substance or
activity that reduces your difficult emotions (or unpleasant inner dialog), even
for a short time, may become addictive.
While numbing the senses can bring short term relief, if this relief becomes habitual, the
consequences may be worse than feeling bad. Motivated people usually gain
long term relief by resolving emotional and relationship issues.
Before & after - addict pictures
from BBC News
We help people build emotional
intelligence and emotional maturity.
We coach people to accept their feelings and emotions, pleasant and unpleasant,
as feedback about life. In this way most people can manage their emotions.
Many popular therapies and New Age techniques
encourage people to dissociate their emotions. The relief of dissociating
(not feeling) unpleasant feelings may bring relief , but dissociation can lead to further
Many people want to forget bad memories. It could be the shock of a
war, the horror of being an unwanted child, or anxiety after being
abused. If people want to forget parts of their lives -
identity loss can be a short-term blessing but a long-term curse.
When I smoked crack, I forgot my sadness! After I sorted out
cocaine seemed less interesting. During our sessions, my addiction became more
and more like a bad dream
- and is now like an old nightmare. Amsterdam
I gambled because my mother did
- I had no control - I thought it was genetic.
Gambling helped me feel close to my mother. You helped me be with my
mother as her daughter without having to gamble or to be upset
We assist people in their recovery. We help
people manage difficult emotions
and solve relationship problems. Contact
us to make better choices.
Online Systemic Coaching,
Counseling & Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers
1997-2015 All rights reserved