Anger is a normal reaction to threats.
You may also express other people's anger.
Anger motivates action! Anger is a problem if it motivates you to act
or if it causes you to sabotage your relationships or occupation.
also empower you to challenge injustice
and punish offenders.
is associated with heart attacks, ulcers and digestive problems.
I feel irritated most of the time at work
... I tell my employees what I want, and
I tell them if they don't do it well enough and that if they don't work hard enough
I will fire them ... I won't let them take advantage of me!
When you are angry ...
Is your anger temporary, triggered by some trigger or a crisis?
Or do you feel angry most of the time - seeking ways to express it?
Can you manage and control your anger? How do you
react if you perceive:
- unfairness to yourself or injustice to others
intent: "(S)he only did that to annoy me".
- disrespect of your thoughts,
beliefs, feelings or needs
- criticism of something you identify
with, e.g. your family, culture or religion
I was abandoned as a child.
My mother was in hospital and my father worked
away from home. My grandmothers raised me. I am 47 now but my anger at
parents fills my chest ... it caused two heart attacks. Washington
Anger is a feeling, hostility is an attitude and
aggression is a behavior. Although anger is often described
as a negative emotion, evoked when a person cannot attain a goal or fulfill a
need, most anger seems to follow a perception of injustice, either towards
oneself or towards other people.
People expressing chronic anger often behave childishly and destructively.
If you can feel anger and remain adult, you can better decide how to respond.
Expressing your love includes expressing your anger.
If you cannot express your anger - you are incomplete.
Suppressed or Hidden Anger
If your anger and its consequences are problematic, you may hide your
anger, but your subsequent stress may trigger depression, obsessions
or compulsive behavior.
Our son was diagnosed with Oppositional
Defiance Disorder. We were told that treatment was expensive and would take
years. My husband asked you for sessions to stand up for himself against his
aggressive mother. As you worked with my husband, our son became calmer and
more normal, although you never met or talked to him. Minnesota
Angry people often damage important relationships, which may increase their
anger ... and their isolation. Withheld anger can also contribute to bedroom problems
such as impotence
(erectile dysfunction in men and frigidity in women).
People who are afraid of their own anger may be called
passive-aggressive. They may not
allow themselves to feel anger ... they hide or deny their angry feelings,
perhaps even from themselves. They
may be afraid that if they allow themselves to feel their anger, they
will damage or destroy something, including important relationships.
Chronic anger is often associated with high blood pressure and heart
disease. Suppressed anger may also be be related to depression
or to psychosomatic symptoms. Some warning
- Grinding teeth - even when asleep
- Sleep problems and possibly nightmares
- Chronic pains in neck, heart, solar plexus or abdomen
- Sexual impotence - erectile dysfunction in men or
frigidity in women
Sociopaths - Antisocial Personality Disorder
Sociopaths are people who do not appear to feel love, guilt, empathy or conscience,
although they may express endless anger. Many appear to perceive people as things
and they can manipulate or hurt people without guilt or remorse.
(Unhappily, some politicians and other salespeople fit this profile only too well.)
Many con-artists who market scams and perpetrate frauds are sociopaths.
They can be charming - they may pretend emotions to better victimize people.
They focus on their own needs with little or no regard to the consequences
of their actions on their victims. Some are compulsive liars who disregard
societal rules. Many are in prison.
Chronic Anger & Aggression
Angry people may justify avoiding responsibilities. While they may be
physically ill, mentally disturbed or immature, if they do not express their
anger themselves - another family or team
member may feel and express that anger.
If a child decides that one family member is a victim, and another is a
victimizer, that child may attempt to rectify the perceived
injustice by expressing anger to the perceived victimizer.
(This often leads to a child identifying
with a perceived victim, but does not
mean that a child's assessment of family dynamics is accurate. People who act like victims
may say that they feel relief if a child seems
to sense and express their hidden anger.
I have a short fuse.
If I see anybody being victimized - I must do something.
My whole life is about protecting the innocent
and punishing the guilty.
That is my life purpose ... I'm a policeman. New Zealand
While many angry outbursts
are triggered by injustice, other common triggers include:
- Tone of voice
- Betrayal of trust
- Unfair favoritism
- Broken promises
- Body language
- Undeserved criticism
- Insensitive authorities
- Unreasonable demands
Habitually angry people are often suspicious, while habitual victims are often
passive-aggressive. People who feel
compelled to rescue others may be experiencing leftover childhood
emotions about needy family members who they could not rescue.
My husband thought he was a good manager,
but he was angry with his staff
if they didn't do things exactly as he wanted,
and he was angry with them
if they wasted his time asking for details ... he was the same at home
although seems calmer since his sessions with you.
often angry? Do you obsess about helping victims or punishing victimizers? Are you perceived as irritable, impatient and suspicious?
Understanding your anger is useful, but insight alone is
rarely enough to change.
We help people dissolve their anger by dissolving the injustices that created it.
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