Soulwork Home Page

Check your spelling

Soulwork Online Help

Soulwork Humor: Funny stories


Soulwork Systemic Coaching: Summary

Soulwork Coach Training

Soulwork FAQ Questions & Answers


Emotional Issues
Anger & Rage

Eating Problems
Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Inner Child

Pain Control
Stress Relief

Toxic Beliefs
Trauma & Stress
Weight Loss


Relationship Problems

Dissolve Conflicts
Emotional Blackmail

Enjoy Partnership
Evaluate Partners
Long-Distance Love
Love & Hate

Past Partners
Sexual Issues
Soul Mates


Family Challenges

Brothers & Sisters
Divorce & Children
Emotional Incest
Family Meetings
Family Secrets

Fathers & Daughters
Fathers & Sons
Learning Disorders
Mothers & Daughters
Mothers & Sons

Parental Alienation


Life Lessons
Bad Habits
Being Alone
Children's Challenges
Observing Feelings

Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
Self Esteem
Self Improvement
Self Intimacy
Stress & Relaxing
Therapist and Clients


Chaos Coaching

Inner Conflict
Expert Modeling
Learning Disorders

Sexual Abuse
Soul of Soulwork
Systemic Management
Therapist Abuse
Training Abuse



Interview with Martyn
Fee, Cost, Price

eXTReMe Tracker

How to Change Limiting Beliefs
Beliefs are Emotional Reactions © Martyn Carruthers 2005

Online Help: Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

Are you striving to achieve goals, such as success, happiness or wellbeing, while clinging to beliefs which prevent or delay your success.

Such beliefs are often begin with 'I must ...', 'I should ...', or ''I have to ..."; and usually conflict with your values, wishes and goals.

What are Beliefs?

You color your perception of the world with your attitudes, opinions and beliefs. Your beliefs will affect your behavior, yet your beliefs will rarely be facts. Facts can be tested and checked while beliefs are often unverifiable.

You inspire or betray yourself with your beliefs. In our systemic work, we are not so concerned with the factual truth of your beliefs; we are more interested in whether your beliefs delay you or inspire you to achieve your important goals.

Are your limiting beliefs based on your own experience (e.g. "I believe that I cannot walk on water"), are they accepted from some authority (e.g. "I believe that this planet was created by ...") or do your beliefs reflect your cultural or ancestral traditions ("To be accepted by this community, I must believe that ...").

Many limiting beliefs seem to be consequences of injustice - of crisis, trauma or abuse. While there are many ways you can temporarily forget limiting beliefs, long-term change seems to require the resolution of unpleasant emotions from past events. We refer to beliefs that restrict your development, freedom and progress as 'limiting beliefs'.

Limiting Beliefs

Beliefs are your assumptions or opinions - statements associated with feelings of conviction. Henry Ford once said, “If you think you can … or if you think you can’t … you’re right!” Your motivation reflects what you believe to be true.

Your beliefs may be unconscious. Some clues that deep limiting beliefs might hold you back are how you may sabotage your own success! If you suddenly lose motivation - especially if following a fairly predictable cycle of motivation and loss of energy - you may be on a try-cycle.

Some people cling to limiting and toxic beliefs. For example, people who believe that suffering is holy ... will often resist resolving or ending their suffering ... they may prefer to feel holy ... and they may use their suffering for leverage in relationships that require a victim.

Jeśli Bóg nie chce abym cierpiał - to by temu zaprzestał. Bóg chce abym był czysty kobieta. Nie będę zażywał leków na mój ból ... moja córka dba o mnie.Warszawa, Polska

 (If God does not want me to suffer - He would end it. God wants me to be a pure woman. I won't take drugs for my pain ... my daughter takes care of me ... Warsaw, Poland)


Remember an important goal. Then, consider, “I am a good manager”, “I have good negotiating skills”, or “I can achieve that!”. Please say those statements aloud.

Does it feel wrong to say them aloud? Did you think something like, “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not that good”? Your hidden beliefs will make themselves known in your feelings! If you tell yourself that you cannot do something, then you may never do it.

Next, explore where you feel those feelings in your body, and when they originated in your life. We find that limiting beliefs based on experience are simpler to change than limiting beliefs accepted from your culture, your parents or other authorities.

Examples of Limiting Beliefs

  1. I am helpless - if you believe that you are too weak, then your attempts to achieve your goal may fail - because you expect failure.
  2. I am defenseless - if you believe that success is only possible subject to luck, you may attribute your success to spirits, gods or astrology.
  3. I am worthless - if you believe that you do not deserve this goal, you may avoid or even sabotage your own success.
  4. I am hopeless - if you believe that nothing you attempt can be effective, you may avoid trying.
  5. I am useless - if you believe that you cannot learn or that you cannot apply your learning your goals, you may become dysfunctional.

How to Change Limiting Beliefs

We coach people to change their limiting beliefs. We find that limiting beliefs are often bonds to important people - ideas you had to believe or suffer punishment or rejection.

When this occurs, you may reject counter-examples and contradictory evidence in favor of what feels true. Hence long-term change of your limiting beliefs often requires that you change those relationships in which your limiting beliefs originated.

Do you want to change your limiting beliefs? Here's a start ...

  1. Write down your limiting beliefs - and the consequences of clinging to them
  2. What will happen if you ignore beliefs that limit your energy and confidence?
  3. Review the experiences in which you created or accepted limiting beliefs?
  4. a.) Why does your goal seem unattainable?
    b.) What skills do you need to attain your goal?
    c.) Who can coach or mentor you?
    d.) Do you feel that you deserve to achieve your goal?
  5. When you believe that you cannot fulfill a goal; maybe try, and assess your results. Which limiting beliefs are triggered, and why you believe them?
  6. Whose limiting beliefs are you carrying?

Contact us to solve emotional and relationship problems

Online Help: Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005-2018 All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email