Soulwork Home Page

Check your spelling

Soulwork Online Help

Soulwork Humor: Funny stories


Soulwork Systemic Coaching: Summary

Soulwork Coach Training

Soulwork FAQ Questions & Answers


Emotional Issues
Anger & Rage

Eating Problems
Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Inner Child

Pain Control
Stress Relief

Toxic Beliefs
Trauma & Stress
Weight Loss


Relationship Problems

Dissolve Conflicts
Emotional Blackmail

Enjoy Partnership
Evaluate Partners
Long-Distance Love
Love & Hate

Past Partners
Sexual Issues
Soul Mates


Family Challenges

Brothers & Sisters
Divorce & Children
Emotional Incest
Family Meetings
Family Secrets

Fathers & Daughters
Fathers & Sons
Learning Disorders
Mothers & Daughters
Mothers & Sons

Parental Alienation


Life Lessons
Bad Habits
Being Alone
Children's Challenges
Observing Feelings

Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
Self Esteem
Self Improvement
Self Intimacy
Stress & Relaxing
Therapist and Clients


Chaos Coaching

Inner Conflict
Expert Modeling
Learning Disorders

Sexual Abuse
Soul of Soulwork
Systemic Management
Therapist Abuse
Training Abuse



Interview with Martyn
Fee, Cost, Price

eXTReMe Tracker

After an Affair: Mending Broken Hearts
Prepare for Partnership © Martyn Carruthers 2009

Online Help: Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

Being in love can be intense! Whether a romantic affair, a short partnership or unrequited love ... you feel strong emotions and enjoy wonderful dreams.
But the consequences can hurt. How do you heal a broken heart?

Signs of Affairs . Recovering from Affairs

The end of a relationship can bring heartache, shattered dreams
... and important lessons for a better future.

Although this may be a difficult time, you can put your health in first place. Recover and rebuild your life. We can help you pull yourself together and feel good again.

My partner was my sunshine and my joy. I believed that we would stay together
for life! And then things became ad and finally we split. Before our sessions
I couldn't imagine being in another relationship.

For some reasons your relationship didn't work. Probably you want to understand what happened. Perhaps you want to turn back the clock. Perhaps you want to punish your ex ... or yourself ... or maybe someone else.

Breaking up is stressful. The end of a relationship often starts a period of mourning and healing. You start adjusting to being apart. At least one of you is probably dealing with strong emotions. At least one of you may be dealing with being rejected or betrayed by a person he or she still cares for.

He was everything for me. I miss his smile, his touch, his voice.
I loved him so much! I feel empty. It's been a year and I'm still crying.

It's too easy to say one day at a time. You think that you're over it and then something triggers your feelings of loss. Then you go through the crisis of separation one more time ... and again ... and again ... until you learn how to do something more productive with your life.

What happened to our beautiful love? We were wonderful together - yet now
she acts like a paranoid control-freak and she calls me a psychopath!

We help people survive and benefit from splitting.
We help people enjoy a new start.

Mend a Broken Heart

Avoid meeting your former love. Commit to no contact!. Donít pass messages through friends. Donít make calls. Delete cell phone text messages and unfriend your Facebook entry. Avoid talking to your ex until your emotions are stable ... for your emotional and mental health ... and perhaps even for your physical health.

Sick relationships really can make you sick ...
and healthy relationships really can help you heal.

Talk about your feelings with good friends. Get everything out so that you donít hold it inside. Tell your friends that you need to talk ... and that they can help you a lot by just listening ... even if they've heard it all before ... perhaps more than once. Cry if you want to ... in a safe and private place. Express your sadness for your lost dreams.

Unless you are a masochist, hide or give away whatever reminds you of this relationship. Get rid of those photos, CDs and or gifts, or at least keep them out of sight until you can feel neutral about this part of your life.

You helped me become mentally stronger so that I could leave a
partner who did not value me and find one who did.

Do you remember things about your ex-partner that you found annoying or abusive? Deliberately remember those things. Whatever you enjoyed together, remind yourself that this person did things that you didnít want in your life.

  1. Allow yourself time to mourn and grieve
  2. Remember your unique gifts and talents
  3. Set boundaries about your former partner
  4. Accept, acknowledge and feel your feelings
  5. Face your fears and challenges and grow stronger
  6. Examine that relationship objectively. What else can you learn?

As you start to heal yourself ... don't try to rush this! By rushing you will not only cheat yourself ... but also your next partner! Some heartfelt tips are:

  1. Make some new friends
  2. Find people who inspire you
  3. Learn a new hobby or interest
  4. Treat yourself to some fun things
  5. Avoid people who do not support your health
  6. Call some old friends - do things that make you smile

My biggest challenge in healing was to accept those parts of myself
that loved my partner ... and the parts of me that couldn't stay.
You helped me become more complete.

Preparing for Mature Relationships

There are many important factors in partnership. Unless you are teenagers, your partnership happiness has little to do with your choice of clothes or music. A happy partnership needs more than good cooking or a sexual repertoire.

  • What do you avoid discussing?
  • Which of your beliefs and habits need work?
  • How will you know when are you ready for partnership?
  • What will happen if you start a new relationship before you are ready?

Tips for Healthy Partnership

  1. Don't assume. Check!
  2. Be quick to say "I'm sorry".
  3. If you are right ... apologize!
  4. You will fight ... learn to fight fair.
  5. Compliment more than you criticize.
  6. Love isn't only a feeling, it's a decision.
  7. Before starting a fight, consider if it's worth it.
  8. Never pass an opportunity to say "I love you".
  9. Do you want to be right or do you want to be together?
  10. Choose the one you love, then love the one you choose.

Recovering from Affairs . Choosing a Life Partner

Happy partnership requires partners who know and respect each other's
values and needs; and cooperate to fulfill all those values and needs.

Do you want to understand and change emotional issues?
Do you want to enjoy healthy, mature relationships?

Contact us to manage your emotions and solve relationship problems

Online Help: Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2009-2018 All rights reserved

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email