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Online Solutions for Personality & Change
Change your life © Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Your personality influences all of your life - relationships, health, career - more than anything else. Are you too aggressive, passive or depressed? Are you satisfied with your personality? We can help you change ... if you wish.

Are People Really Equal?

The idea that people are fundamentally equal follows Western legal philosophy. If people are legally equal, then perhaps they are (or should be) similar in fundamental ways.

Although most people have similar needs, they may have different goals, motives, values, beliefs, obsessions, impulses, urges, likes and dislikes. They may think, conceptualize, perceive, understand and comprehend life very differently to you. And yet their behavior, like yours, is mostly predictable.

Assessing Human Personality

PERSONALITY: a set of characteristics: a totality of somebody’s attitudes, interests, behavioral patterns, emotional responses, social roles, and other enduring traits
Microsoft® Encarta® Reference Library 2005.

Your personality reflects both your genes and your experiences. You differed from other infants because of variables that you inherited, and because of your experiences since your conception. Your differences influenced how your parents responded to you. And since then you have integrated many more experiences.

Your personality has been assessed many times, by your family, friends, salespeople, job interviewers, doctors, psychologists and potential partners. While the accuracy of their assessments may be questionable, if you disagree with your assessment, your disagreement may also be assessed. You may be labeled in unflattering ways - and you probably responded to your labels..

Personalities are about individual differences and shared commonalities. Have you considered how neurotic people and healthy people differ - and what they have in common? The commonalities overwhelm the differences. The differences are mostly how they interpret experiences ... how they habitually ascribe meaning to events.

Helping professionals often describe personality in comparison to imaginary norms. If you assess personality preferences, you may better understand, appreciate and predict people's behavior - depending on the accuracy of your models.

Some Models for Assessing Personality

Personality assessments are attempts to understand and/or predict human behavior. Most personality assessment tools are self-report inventories or projective tests.

Self-report inventories question your personal habits, attitudes, beliefs and fantasies. Projective tests assess your responses.

  • Enneagram
  • Personality Type
  • Big 5 Personality
  • Systemic Diagnosis
  • Keirsey Temperament Sorter
  • OD-Online Personality Profiler
  • Myers-Briggs Personality Test
  • Extroversion/Introversion Inventory
  • Integrated Psychological Type Indicator

A risk in any conversation is the possibility of damaging fragile personality defenses. We strive to avoid this in our coaching by paying attention to nonverbal objections.

Partial Personalities (Parts)

When teaching, I may comment, rather provocatively, that, "We are all borderline multiple personality cases ... well ... at least part of me thinks so!"

Sigmund Freud identified three different parts of the mind, based on the level of awareness: conscious mind, preconscious mind and subconscious mind

  • The conscious mind includes current thinking processes and a few objects of attention
  • The preconscious includes things of which we are aware, to which we are not paying attention
  • The subconscious manages a myriad processes and content without conscious interaction

Freud decided that much behavior is driven by the subconscious mind ... with a consequence that we cannot fully control our behavior, including behaviors which we might prefer to avoid.

Even if true, this model is overly simple. We find that most people seem to have subdivided their consciousness into many parts. Perhaps these are what Freud meant by the term complexes - although we find them simple enough - simplexes perhaps? We more often refer to them as fixations or as relationship entanglements.

We perceive parts as immature personalities that were rejected or hidden during some trauma. We accompany people who want to identify, mature and integrate such partial personalities.

Depressed & Angry People

Depression may stem from helplessness - feelings that you cannot control the outcome of events. Or from anxiety - feelings that you must control events around you. Or from guilt - feelings that you have hurt other people. Or depression may stem from lack of purpose - feelings of being lost in life.

Depressive personality traits include gloominess, pessimism, introversion, excessive skepticism and self-criticism, feelings of inadequacy and worry. People who often behave in dependent and impulsive ways risk suffering depression. Melancholic people may have identified with dead people.

Aggressive people often seem to be constantly irritated. Everything may seem to annoy them, nothing is right, they are often suspicious and they seem to exaggerate flaws. We often find that angry people habitually assess the world through suspicious beliefs - they may have identified with victims (usually during childhood) and strive to find justice. (See Identification and Identity Loss)

We coach people to change depressive beliefs and angry behavior by helping them change the basis or roots of their personalities - which we perceive as the meanings ascribed to significant emotional events.

Human Identity & Human Spirit

While most psychiatrists focus on behavior and medication, Dr Viktor Frankl, founder of Logotherapy, focused on the human spirit. Dr Frankl spoke of meaning and spirit, and said that these could not be defined or measured. Frankl's theme of increasing sense of life, Logotherapy, is part of our coaching.

Viktor Frankl spoke of an existential vacuum. If you seek meaning of life, and you are frustrated, you may feel empty. If you seek to avoid this unpleasant feeling, you may participate in obsessions, compulsions and addictions. Sense of life seems to be linked to integrity and connectedness. In our systemic work, we often call this experience integrity or the Soul of Soulwork.

You have learned many habits and repetitive behaviors ... and we can help you change your habits if you wish. We can help you apply your awareness, creativity, integrity and your desire for happiness, to make better choices! You can form new habits and responses. We can help you re-engineer your personality, to fulfill your life goals.

Personality Change & Systemic Coaching

Do you avoid or delay seeking help? Do you feel inadequate and emotionally distant? Do you avoid solving relationship conflicts? Do you ignore your problems instead of seeking solutions? You can change.

Your personality is not encoded into your DNA. Your personality is not permanent
- it reflects your beliefs and your fixations ... you can change your personality.

If you had no past or future - no memories or goals, you could only react. Your behavior would reflect your environment. However you not only remember events and sensations, you remember the meanings that you attributed to those events and sensations. Those meanings may control your life!

Do you want to change or fine-tune your personality? Contact us

Online Systemic Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005-2018
All rights reserved.

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Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email