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Interview with Martyn
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Online Solutions for Fear, Worry & Anxiety
Change Beliefs, Fear & Panic © Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching & Counseling for Fears and Anxiety

Are you often anxious? Do you feel overwhelmed? Do you worry unduly?
Do you criticize yourself? We help people control fear and anxiety - without drugs!

Many health professionals offer drugs as substitutes for managing emotions and relationships. Drugs are easier than applying intelligence, focus and analytical skills. Drugs are cheaper for patients (in the short term) and much more profitable for health professionals. If you prefer drugs, talk to your MD.

Fear can be defined as an emotional response to a known threat,
and anxiety as
a diffuse, unpleasant, vague sense of apprehension.
[Kaplan and Sadock "Synopsis of Psychiatry", 8th Ed 1998 Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins.]

Managing emotions is particularly important for people who normally hide their emotions - people who are dissociated (they prefer to think rather than to feel) and people who perpetually distract themselves from their feelings.

You have more control over your emotions that you might imagine… and you can emancipate yourself if you choose. Anxieties and fear has at least two sides ... the illusion of increased protection (the more I worry about it the less likely it will happen) and the reality of increased risk.

Some common fears include:

  • Fear of death – are you anxious that you will not survive ... do you fear the experience of death? Such fears may cause you to avoid any risks to prolong your survival ... or may cause you to freeze or panic in dangerous places ...
    or it can motivate you to enjoy life to the fullest!
  • Fear of emptiness – are you anxious that your life is empty ... pointless without meaning or purpose? A lack of meaning may cause you to waste your life chasing distractions ... or it can motivate you to find a life purpose.
  • Fear for your family – are you anxious that people who are important to you will be hurt or killed? Fearing the suffering or loss of family members may cause you to damage your relationships with childish behavior ... or it can motivate you to value and enjoy your important relationships.

Anxiety, Entanglement & Identification

Do you worry constantly, even when nothing seems wrong? Anxiety is more than worrying. If you can't relax; if you always expect the worst, you may suffer from chronic anxiety. And if you feel anxiety, you may also feel depressed about feeling afraid. It's not your fault ... and we may be able to help you.

If you worry a lot, people may call you irritable or grouchy. Your muscles may feel tense and sore, especially in your upper back, shoulders and neck. You may feel constantly tired or even exhausted. It may be hard for you to concentrate, to relax or to sleep. If you do not even know what you are worried about - your fear and even your life may not seem to make sense.

Anxiety may originate in childhood, perhaps as a way of bonding to an anxious parent, but it more often starts during the stresses of the teenage years. Some anxiety problems may be due to food allergies and food sensitivities; although in our experience, most fears represent enmeshments and relationship fixations. Although women seem to suffer from anxiety more than men, it is common enough in men - especially men who are emotionally entangled with an immature or clinging mother.

Does chronic anxiety seems to run in your family? Do one or two people in each generation suffer in this way? Anxiety may indicate a cross-generational entanglement, if someone in each generation is entangled with someone in the previous generation ... like a toxic family tradition.

I always had good ideas, but I couldn't make money with them ... I was too scared that bad things would happen. During our meetings I realized that I was reliving my grandmother's fears. She often worried about unknown problems.
After our sessions I realized that 90% of my old fears were gone.

Chronic anxiety is often associated with family disturbances. Do you have a family history of abuse, violence or suicide?

Chronic anxiety may be a result of identifying with an ancestor who could not show fear. A primary symptom is anxiety - often fear of change. We offer you powerful ways to end this form of identity loss, this chronic display of fear. (A paradox is - if you are afraid of change, you may be afraid of change-workers.)

Obsessions and Compulsions . Trauma & PTSD

Health Anxieties

Do you feel anxious about your health? Do you interpret body sensations as evidence of serious disease (hypochondria)? Do you invent medical symptoms to avoid work, to qualify for disability payments or to evade military service (malingering)? Do you lie about your health (sometimes called Munchausen's) to manipulate people?

Few medical professionals seem to recognize health anxiety. They may accuse you of exaggerating - or they may call you a hypochondriac, a malingerer or a liar.

Do you invent medical symptoms to get what you want? Do you enjoy deceiving medical professionals? Health anxiety is also associated with post-traumatic stress and eating disorders, and is common amongst people who feel neglected or who want more control.

Eating Disorders . Psychosomatic Symptoms

Hypochondria: Worried Sick?

Hypochondria means persistent irrational fear that you have, or will have, a serious medical condition. You may believe that you have a serious disease and that your doctor is not working hard enough. (And drug companies may encourage you to spend a disproportionate amount of money.)

You may feel dizziness, swelling, palpitations or pain. If you distrust medical professionals, you may disregard their advice and interpret normal signs (like headache, dizziness, fatigue etc) as dangerous. Psychosomatic symptoms often seem to be associated with relationship issues such as loneliness, depression, guilt or a preoccupation with death.

If you believe that your body is defective or deformed - you may be labeled as having Body Dismorphic Disorder. Endless reassurance or even plastic surgery are unlikely to ease your unpleasant feelings about your body.

Most hypochondriac people will never go to a psychiatrist. They'll say, 'I don't want to talk about this, I want another biopsy, I want that CAT scan repeated.'
Dr Arthur Barsky (Harvard Medical School).

Phobias & Social Anxiety

Phobias may be called irrational obsessions and compulsions. We find that many phobias are examples of one-shot accelerated learning! Something happens that a person cannot forget. We can help most people dissolve phobias quickly.

You may be labeled with social phobia (social anxiety) if you dislike being judged, criticized or evaluated. You may be told that your fear is irrational; yet your anxiety persists. (This is often related to being criticized as a child.)

If you have social phobia you find it difficult to be with people ("What are they thinking about me; maybe they don't like me"). You may attract attention to yourself or even try to be a center of attention ("If they're going to talk about me, I'll give them something to talk about!").

GAD - Generalized Anxiety

Are you constantly worried or afraid? Do you even worry in your dreams? You may have muscle pains and headaches; you may feel constantly tired and yet you cannot seem to relax. Muscle tension may cause you to sweat a lot, even at night. You may even feel that you might vomit.

If you have generalized anxiety you may find it difficult to leave your home. (Something terrible might happen). You may be afraid of losing it in public. You may feel insecure in all parts of your life and you may even be diagnosed as having agoraphobia.

Systemic Solutions for Anxiety

Anxiety often follows family relationship problems, such as a divorce or premature death. Or if a family member takes risks, for the benefit of the family, and is ignored, another family member may identify with that perceived hero - and express the fear that the perceived hero could not express.

A woman who was extremely anxious and afraid of change told me that
when she was a child, her older sister had supported the family by prostitution,
but her (religious) family told people that a rich relative was sending them money.

This woman was fearful of any change, but she didn't know why. Anxiety drugs, she said, only made her more afraid of doctors. I helped her replace her chronic anxiety with peaceful motivation. When we met by chance two years later, she was still
peacefully motivated ... also happy and successful. Martyn

We help people change disturbing thoughts, manage emotions and get what they want. We coach people to change emotions and limiting beliefs in situations about which they feel anxious or fearful. We help people respond to life appropriately.

Please consult a physician if you have any medical conditions.

We help people to improve relationships and manage
their emotions as drug-free steps towards achieving their goals.

Online Life Coaching & Counseling for Fear and Anxiety

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
I'm very glad that we met.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2018
All rights reserved

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

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Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email