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Research the relationship consequences of a therapy, counseling or coaching
or therapist before you begin - especially if hypnosis, belief and value
change are advertised. Good intentions are not enough.
Client Abuse in Therapy, Coaching & Counseling
- Do you feel that you depend on a therapist, coach or
counselor?
- Have you been abused by a therapist, coach or counselor?
- Are you an abusive therapist, coach or counselor?
Therapy, coaching and counseling are part of many helping
professions, including education, medicine, human resources, mental health
and spiritual guidance. People who provide paid or unpaid counselling, social work, coaching,
therapy, hypnosis, NLP, psychotherapy or spiritual guidance can abuse their
clients - perhaps with good intentions.
Many helping professionals are
not trained to recognize mentor damage or resolve client
abuse - in clients or in other health workers. Soulwork systemic coaching helps
people resolve this damage.
Therapist abuse may result from immaturity,
sadism, incompetence, inexperience or
inappropriate interventions. These can worsen distress
and/or create dependence. Some therapists can make problems worse - and they
can sabotage a person's perception of all health professionals. Abused clients may
not trust another counselor, coach or mentor.
|
Feedback |
My wife and I are clinical psychologists and our
son has muscular dystrophy. We attended a workshop by a popular German
family therapist. He told us, in front of an audience,
after no meaningful questions, that we were "sucking the life from our
son's body". We felt devastated. Now we better understand how some therapists
abuse clients. Soulwork dissolved the schema, and we can love our son again. |
As with other people who have been conned, abused clients may
experience strong emotions (such as shame, anger & self-hatred)
that inhibit appropriate reaction. Few clients report abusive therapists -
it is strangely difficult to identify the relevant professional body
and to follow their complaint procedures. Many abused clients blame themselves.
Therapy & Coaching Contracts
. Spiritual Abuse & Mentor Damage
Therapist ... The Rapist ... Client Abuse
The consequences of client abuse often resemble
the consequences of trauma or rape. If you were abused by a counsellor, therapist
or other helping professional, you may show symptoms associated with post-traumatic
stress disorder (PTSD). You may experience anxiety, depression, panic
attacks, substance abuse or eating disorders. You may consider self-harm
or suicide. And you may distrust any other mentor ... you may avoid anyone who
might advise, coach, teach or mentor you.
- Many types of abuse occur in
counseling, coaching and therapy settings
- Some helping professionals
prefer codependent clients
- Some helping professionals
specialize in their own unresolved issues
- Some helping professionals
avoid resolving their own problems
Abusive behavior and inappropriate conduct is not uncommon
during counseling, coaching and therapy. Lonely, dissatisfied, codependent
or immature practitioners damage their own lives as well as the lives of
their clients - most often with good intentions. You may suffer from their good intentions.
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Feedback |
My wife and
I visited a (female)
therapist. The therapist said that my wife was
causing most of our problems and advised my wife to become more
independent. The therapist privately told me that she thought that
she and I could be very compatible ... and we had
an affair. MA London, Ontario |
If you suffer from therapist damage you may
feel betrayed, lost self-esteem,
identity loss, lost hope, lost spirituality and lost independence.
You may suffer sleep and eating disturbances, anxiety and depression.
Worst of all, you may lose your
ability to make sense of your life.
Mentor Abuse
. Emotional Incest .
Entanglements
Qualifications vs. Competence
People seeking help to cope with life challenges may
assume that the best helpers have the most education. Educated
authorities may be trusted, regardless of their experience. The longer a
practitioner's time in university - the more reason to check their life
experience.
Many people do not want to grow up. Students
who feel lost often stay at school and take advanced
degrees. When they do leave school, they may have
formidable credentials and little life experience.
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What Price is "Free"?
I saw a "free" psychiatrist for an
eating disorder for 7 months. She worked for __ Mental Health where
she treats eating disorders. She was destructive. Had I
known what good therapy was, I would have left her after the first
visit. My hope is that other people can identify poor therapy in the
first session!
- She talked theory, not practice - she
weighed at least 500 lbs (200 kg)
- She spent at least half of our time
talking about herself
- She wanted me to help build her public image
- She talked about the theory of eating
disorders like a social documentary
- She expressed her fear of other approaches to
eating disorders
- She was terribly insecure and would often
talk about her own obsessions
- She forced me to do things without
explanation
Colleen G; Canada, 2004 |
Professional Codependence
Trust, respect and commitment are fundamental to healing relationships,
yet a codependent practitioner
cannot provide these basic life skills. Codependent people forget
who they are.
Codependence is the expression of unworthiness through denial
and sacrifice. Codependent people cannot support your healthy independence,
and may sabotage it! Codependent practitioners may delay your recovery to
prolong their need to help you ... and to be respected and paid by you.
| Our marriage
counselor in Detroit advised us to take some very expensive
workshops. We did this although neither of us liked them.
We later found that many other participants were also her clients, and
that the workshop organizer paid 50% of our seminar fees to
our counselor ... This should be illegal. WA, Detroit |
Sympathy encourages adults to act in immature and codependent ways.
If you want to be responsible for your
life, you are likely to benefit from compassion,
provocation and adult communication.
Codependence
. Soulwork Code of Conduct
Imbalance of Power
Therapeutic relationships often include an imbalance of
power, in which subtle verbal and emotional abuse is possible. Some
practitioners try to become a substitute for your parent. Others
may want to be seen as a close friend. Your
feelings about them may become distorted. Strong feelings (transferences)
are a feature of such relationships. Abusive practitioners can use transference to ...
- Manipulate or seduce you
- Intimidate or frighten you
- Invalidate your perceptions
- Demand more paid sessions (that are not needed)
|
Feedback |
My therapist was wonderful -
charming, witty and good looking. And married ... but his couch was
good for many things. When I found out that he had sex with many clients,
I ended our sessions ... I really miss him.
SB, San Diego |
Transference puts a therapist in a powerful position and a client in a vulnerable
position. If a therapist uses parental transference to exploit or
abuse a client, this might be called professional incest.
Common Client Abuse
If you seek help, you may be in crisis or shock. You may think
childishly. You are vulnerable to criticism and emotional abuse. The
following problems are often reported in coaching, counseling and therapeutic relationships.
An abusive therapist, counsellor or coach may:
- Forget or be late for your appointments
- Repeatedly re-schedule your appointments
- Exaggerate or misdiagnose your problems
- Be preoccupied or daydream during your sessions
- Undervalue, criticize or mock you
- Refuse to answer your reasonable questions
- Refuse to consider your perceptions or point of view
- Express mood changes and / or emotional outbursts
- Label your communication as bad or wrong
- Refuse to discuss topics which you want to discuss
- Claim that you cause the therapist to act inappropriately
- Unreasonably withhold information from you
- Claim that you are overreacting
- Talk endlessly about the therapist's beliefs and opinions
- Threaten to end your sessions unless you comply
with a demand
- Extend your sessions without benefit to you
- Tell you that you do not deserve love, care or support
- Use your sessions to help the therapist or coach
- Arrange to meet you for a non-therapeutic purpose
- Invite you to participate in emotional or physical intimacy
- Later deny or justify emotional or sexual intimacy with you
- Increase your dependence on him or her
- Writes emails or cell-phone text messages as you talk
- Be pompous, condescending or officious
- Talk about his or her own problems
- Advise you to change your sexual orientation
- Ask you for advice about his or her own problems
- Ask you for help with promotion and advertising
- Continually defer solutions to "the next session"
- Give you harmful post-hypnotic suggestions
- Cause you to distrust all potential mentors
Soulwork coaching and coach training offers unique and effective
solutions for therapist abuse.
Part 2 of Therapist-Client Abuse -
Codependence
Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? We can train you to coach individuals, partners and teams to
resolve emotional, educational and relationship challenges.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2003-2005 All rights reserved. |
