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Mentor Damage & Student Abuse: Part 3
Examples of Client Abuse Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Most helping professionals are conscientious people with good intentions
- and some damage the people that pay them for help.

My therapist was like the loving father I never had and I would do anything he said.
When he suggested a weekend together, I agreed ... but later I felt terribly used.
He still calls me and still wants me to purchase more appointments.

Consequences don't care about good intentions, credentials or philosophies.

Therapy, Counseling & Coaching are Conversations

Coaches and counselors and therapists are professional conversationalists - and may be educators, medical doctors, HR professionals or spiritual guides. Some of them may, often with good intentions, damage their clients.

  • Have you been hurt by a therapist, coach or counselor?
  • Have you abused the trust of people who asked you for help?
  • Do you feel that you depend on a therapist, coach or counselor?
  • Have you failed to change yourself - and now consider yourself incurable?

Examples of Client Abuse

If you seek help, you may feel overwhelmed by negative emotions or in shock following a relationship crisis. perhaps you may even feel like a lost child, exceptionally vulnerable to criticism and abuse.

We usually ask people about their prior coaching or counseling, and we find that abuse often occurs during counseling, coaching and therapy sessions. The following situations appear to be fairly common - helping professionals may:

  1. Claim that you are overreacting
  2. Talk mostly about their own problems
  3. Endlessly elaborate their philosophies
  4. Withhold important information from you
  5. Exaggerate or misdiagnose your problems
  6. Repeatedly re-schedule your appointments
  7. Label your communication as bad or wrong
  8. Refuse to answer your reasonable questions
  9. Be preoccupied or daydream during your sessions
  10. Refuse to consider your perceptions or point of view

    My massage therapist was gorgeous - and his gentleness triggered
    something deep inside me. I practically raped him. But I never went
    back - the shame was too high. He should have stopped me.


  11. Blackmail you with private information
  12. Use your sessions to promote themselves
  13. Extend your sessions without benefit to you
  14. Claim that you cause them to act inappropriately
  15. Arrange to meet you for non-therapeutic purposes
  16. Refuse to discuss topics which you want to discuss
  17. Express mood changes and / or emotional outbursts
  18. Talk endlessly about the therapist's beliefs and opinions
  19. Tell you that you do not deserve love, care or support
  20. Invite you to participate in emotional or physical intimacy

    This client acted so docile and I found myself getting angry with
    her. A couple of times I shouted at her to grow up!
    Then I realized that I had fully stepped into her abusive father's
    role. That's when I contacted you for help.

  21. Act pompous, condescending or officious
  22. Give you covert post-hypnotic suggestions
  23. Try to persuade you to join a religion or cult
  24. Later deny or justify suggestions of intimacy
  25. Ask you for advice about personal problems
  26. Advise you to change your sexual orientation
  27. Continually defer solutions to the next session
  28. Threaten to end your sessions unless you comply
  29. Prescribe experimental drugs without warning you
  30. Cause you to distrust other helping professionals

The last may be worst. Mentor damage can delay you from seeking other help.

Part 2 of Therapist-Client Abuse & Codependence

Contact us for rapid solutions for negative emotions and relationship problems.

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2003-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

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Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email