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We present interactive seminars and demonstration-rich
workshops on systemic family therapy, codependence, family
secrets and relationship entanglements. Email us if you might be interested in a workshop.
Are you Codependent?
Codependence is about self-destruction.
Codependence is about thoughts, feelings and behavior that cause suffering.
Do you repeat behaviors that bring unpleasant, painful, or unwanted
consequences? Do you do things
that you don't enjoy for other
people? If so, codependence is about you.
Codependent symptoms usually indicate cross-generational
relationship entanglements. Two common forms are
mother-son codependence and
father-daughter codependence. The results
are people
who are only attracted to immature partners - people who will
sabotage their own partnerships by fixating on an even less mature partners
- their own children. (Beware of codependent therapists).
Are you
in a destructive relationship? Do you sabotage healthy relationships? Do you
try to hide yourself? Codependent behavior is linked to serious diseases such as
schizophrenia,
bipolar disorder, depression and
stress. Codependence is also related to
anxiety and hypochondria.
Codependence is so common in some Western countries that
it may seem normal. Evaluate television and love music.
Codependence is almost normal in some countries. If you are healthy, untangled
and independent, you are likely to be called selfish,
arrogant and uncaring by entangled people.
Codependent Relationships
People
in healthy relationships deal with conflicts openly and easily. Immature people
often hide conflicts until "explosions" occur.
Soulwork systemic coaching for individuals, couples and families allows
individuals, couples and families to grow in relationships with security and intimacy.
If you are in a codependent relationship, you cannot be yourself.
You may forget who you are and what you want. You are likely bonded with deep
beliefs about "not being good enough" or "unworthy",
and that you can express "love" only by
denial, sacrifice and servitude.
Many cults, sects and extremist organizations are based on
codependence and hence are attractive to codependent people. Soulwork
exit coaching can help you leave such
organizations and live a life based on independence and freedom. Soulwork
sets your spirit free.
[ Entanglements
. Exit Coaching .
When Coaching Fails ]
Professional Codependence
A codependent person cannot be present in a
relationship with you. He or she forgets who he or she is, and focuses only
on what you want. These are very poor qualities for a
coach, healer or therapist.
A codependent coach, healer, trainer or therapist is
unlikely to support your healthy independence, and may sabotage it! A
codependent counselor or therapist may delay your recovery to continue his or
her need to help you ... and you are supposed to finance this.
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Feedback |
Following Soulwork, I said
goodbye to my therapist after four years of sessions. ... she helped me do many little things
and I came to depend on her. She was so nice to me that I forgot
that I was paying her over $100 per hour to be my Mom.
BC, Canada |
Some professional "people
helpers" (coaches, therapists, psychologists
etc) behave in codependent ways towards their patients and clients.
Avoid starting
more codependent relationships! Choose a coach or therapist who is grounded
in his or her own healthy reality; someone who is without sympathy yet with
developed empathy. "Healthy relationships are the best healing agents".
Self Evaluation
Even though you may long for yet
peace and happiness - do you always seem to mess it up? Instead, evaluate
yourself and provide ways to end your toxic behavior:
- Do you have difficulty saying what you want?
- Do you avoid stating your goals, needs or wishes?
- Do you judge
your own goals as unimportant?
- Do you value other
people's wishes over your own?
A Soulwork coach can help you discover what you want, and how
you want to achieve it. Defining and achieving goals reflects your sense of
life. Systemic coaching helps you live with integrity - the
core of who you are.
Denial & Procrastination
Are you a Cleopatra? Cleopatra was a queen of de Nile.
- Do you avoid identifying
or labeling your feelings?
- Do you minimize, distort or deny how you feel?
- Do you "hide" your feelings about
your childhood?
- Do you avoid your feelings or avoid expressing your feelings?
A Soulwork coach may reach you through gentle
provocation. If you consider the consequences of not changing ...
you may enjoy the challenge of changing.
Compliance
Some trainers of hypnosis and NLP define hypnosis as "uncritical
acceptance of suggestion". If so, what percentage of your life are you
in trance? Your eyes are open and you can walk and shop -
but have you guarded the the doors of your perception?
- Are you dedicated to
other people's happiness?
- Are you loyal to people who hurt or harm you?
- Can you state your own opinions?
- Do you participate in sex when you don't want to?
Psychosomatic disease is are common in people who do
not communicate their personal truth. Instead, their bodies communicate for them -
sometimes in unpleasant ways.
Control
It seems to be right and natural that adults control their
children's behavior, and that employers give instructions to their employees. And
then there are codependents.
- Do you believe that most people
need your care?
- Do you tell people what
they "should" think and how they "should"
feel?
- Do you offer endless advice?
- Do you offer or withhold sex to get what you
want?
Responsibility
Responsibility can be a "bad
word" for children and
immature adults - and a prison for codependents. If you take
responsibility for people who are neither your children nor your
employees, you are likely to suffer in predictable ways.
We can help you resolve codependent behavior and create a life that
makes sense.
Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? We can train you to coach individuals, partners and teams to
resolve emotional, educational and relationship challenges.
Copyright © Martyn
Carruthers 2002 - 2005 All rights reserved. |
