Do you want to manage your emotions and solve relationship problems?
Codependent behavior is a common consequence of immature parenting. Codependency
is not depression nor anxiety. Nor is it a hope that a partner become mature and
responsible. Codependence is about self-destruction.
Do you have habits that you
know will bring unpleasant, painful or unwanted consequences?
Do you do things that you don't enjoy for people you don't like?
you try to make people to do things for you?
I'll show you ... I'll hurt me!
Is Codependence about You?
Do you often feel unfulfilled? Do you avoid
being direct? Do you avoid asserting yourself when you are in need?
Do you try to do everything perfectly? Do you try to manipulate people who
try to manipulate you?
Codependence is a tendency
to behave in overly passive or caretaking ways that impact one's relationships
and quality of life. It often involves putting one's needs at a low priority
while being preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any
type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also
in romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may be characterized
by denial, low self-esteem, compliance, and/or control. Wikipedia
Codependence is about addictive relationships. In psychology
literature, the most described codependent relationships are
between addicts and rescuers ... yet the most common forms that we see are mother-son,
The consequences of
covert emotional incest include adults who cannot enjoy mature partnership. (Beware of codependent therapists
who specialize in their own issues).
Are you entangled in a destructive relationship? Do you
sabotage healthy relationships? Do you try to hide yourself? Codependent
behavior may be linked to
bipolar disorder, depression and
stress. We also associate codependence with
anxiety and hypochondria.
Codependence is normal in some cultures.
If you are healthy and independent, you may be called selfish, arrogant
and uncaring by people who prefer parasitic, symbiotic or codependent
relationships. Evaluate the messages in television romances and the
lyrics of popular love songs!
Mature people in healthy relationships resolve conflicts openly
and quickly. Immature people in unhealthy relationships often hide conflicts until
they emotionally explode ... often over tiny details. We coach individuals, couples,
families and teams to solve problems and build healthy relationships.
Some people seem disconnected from others. They
have few or no friends, and often suffer unpleasant relationships with family
members or work colleagues. For disconnected people, codependence
may be a step towards health - a step away from isolation - and a step away from
Codependency is like an addiction ... in a codependent relationship,
you cannot be yourself. You must hide your identity and what you
want. To do this, you probably have deep beliefs about not being good enough
or unworthy, and that you can only express love by denial, suffering and
If you are an adult, and a child in your family perceives you
as a victim, that child may identify with you and suffer
victim identification, often blaming or even hating the person whom that
child perceives as your victimizer. Such children can suffer chronic anger and
Codependence may also follow a vanishing twin, in which a twin dies during early pregnancy.
This death of a twin may have a huge (unconscious) impact on the life of
the surviving womb-twin, who may continually seek a Soul Mate,
and suffer a chain of codependent relationships.
Many cults, sects and extremist organizations attract codependent and dependent people. Our
exit coaching can help people leave cult-like
organizations and live a life based on independence and
Codependent people forget who they are. Although popular, codependence is a terrible
basis for learning life coaching, counseling or therapy.
Martyn, your provocation, candor
and clarity was so refreshing.
My therapist had lovingly reinforced my fears about my inadequacies,
disempowered me with her sympathy and convinced me that I was a victim.
Codependent helping professionals cannot support healthy
independence, and may try to sabotage your relationships!
Codependent counselors may delay your recovery to prolong
their obsessions to be helpers ... and expect you to finance their obsession.
Are you a helping professional?
Can you work without sympathy?
are the best healing agents.
Even though you may long for peace and happiness - do you
- Do you forget what you want?
- Do you want people to look after you?
- Do you have difficulty saying what you want?
We can help you explore what you want, and how
you want to achieve it. Defining and achieving goals reflects your sense of
life. We can coach you to mature - to live with integrity - the
core of who you are.
Denial & Procrastination
Do you ...
- avoid feeling any emotions?
- avoid expressing your feelings?
- minimize, distort or deny how you feel?
Many therapists define hypnosis as uncritical
acceptance of suggestion. If you are unaware of their suggestions,
you may accept them thoughtlessly. Do you guard the doors of your perception? Or are
you following post-hypnotic suggestions?
- Can you state your own opinions?
- Are you loyal to people who hurt or harm you?
- Are you dedicated to
other people's happiness?
- Do you participate in sex when you don't want to?
Psychosomatic symptoms are common amongst people who do
not communicate their personal truth. Their bodies communicate for them -
sometimes in unpleasant ways. Does your body communicate (through symptoms)
something you avoid telling?
- Do you offer endless good advice?
- Do you act as if people
need your care?
- Do you offer or withhold food or sex to get what you
- Do you tell people what they should
think and how they should feel?
Contact us if you want to
resolve emotional or relationship problems.
Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2017
All rights reserved.