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We present interactive seminars and demonstration-rich
workshops on systemic family therapy, learning disabilities, family secrets and
relationship health. Email us if you want a workshop.
Systemic Relationship Coaching
Relationship entanglements cause suffering and disrupt families.
If as a
child, you learned to express the pain or guilt of a parent, you may still express
your parent's emotions and striving to fulfill their goals. Only after
suffering are you likely to explore your emotions and resolve your entanglements.
Systemic coaching can help you free yourself of emotional entanglements and
symptoms based on your entanglements. However, systemic coaching may have
systemic consequences:
- some people may prefer that you remain
entangled
- some people may show psychosomatic symptoms
- some people
may be angry that you are harder to manipulate
Other people in your system may be in conflict or
crisis. As you explore how to live without fear or compliance,
you may want to change your relationship habits. During this time, people affected by your decision
may be angry with you (and with your coach). They may
criticize your decisions or actions.
[
Soulwork Code of Conduct ] [
Soulwork Flow Chart ]
End of Entanglement
Relationship entanglements can distort,
mask or hide other symptoms of mental ill-health. You may have identified with the role of
another person, for example trying to be partner to your parent, or parent
of your partner. Although you may want to end this role, someone else may feel
bound to take your previous role, and express the symptoms appropriate for that entanglement.
Many relationship conflicts and transfer of symptoms can be
predicted during relationship diagnosis by an
experienced systemic coach. A good relationship coach or systemic therapist can
discuss your relationship ecology with you, with ways to improve it.
A coach's or therapist's failure to monitor relationship ecology may rightly be called incompetence.
Professional Relationship Coaching
Therapy and coaching is often limited by esoteric theories and
idealistic models which may not be in accord with reality. If a marriage counselor says "All you need is love",
for example, it may sound reasonable. But what is ignored?
"How do you and your
partner want to love each other?" "Who are appropriate role models
for the kind of love that you want?" "What might prevent you from
expressing love in the way you want?" "Do you both want to accept
love from the partner in the same way?"
A couples therapist or relationship coach
may offer marriage enrichment,
pre-marital counseling or divorce prevention, and yet never
explore how both people want to express and receive love.
[
Relationship Coaching ] [ Evaluate
Partnership ] [ Enjoy Partnership
]
Relationships for Life
Maintaining partnership intimacy requires
sophisticated communication. Committed relationships need quality
communication. Healthy relationships produce commitment, fulfillment and
happiness.
Problems will happen, although many
partnership problems merely reflect an inability to communicate about
difficulties. If you want healthy relationships, first focus on
developing your relationship qualities.
[ Predictable
Partnership ] [ Couple Coaching Flowchart ]
What makes Good Relationship Coaching?
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Feedback |
We both wanted to
save our partnership. We both wanted to work it out. We were both motivated ... we
just needed someone who could observe and ensure
that we played fair. We needed a coach. |
Good relationship coaches
walk their talk - not stumble their
mumble continually develop their own
relationship qualities advocate committed,
long-term happy relationships avoid criticizing you, manipulating you and judging you
Good relationship coaches can help people:
create healthy relationships improve existing relationships make their own choices and decisions
find appropriate resources and role
models discover which relationship choices
are right focus on relationships in the "big
picture" of life focus on meaning and connection in
partnership accept responsibility for fulfilling
relationship goals recognize the consequences of attitudes
and habits improve relationship skills,
knowledge and experience
Good coaches can help you walk paths
that they have already walked, and continually strive to live with
integrity their own lives and relationships. Good coaches further
their own development by working with mentors, getting specialist
training and peer supervision. Good coaching restores integrity.
Peer Supervision
Relationship coaches can also become involved, hurt, irritated and upset
in professional relationships. Soulwork peer supervision is a helpful
resource that provides practitioners with space to think, talk and to
understand chaotic situations. Peer supervision can help a relationship
coach:
- reinforce professional identity
- dissolve relationship entanglements
- predict clients' relationship conflicts
- control inappropriate displays of power
- explore and resolve conflicts of interest
Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training?
Do you want to coach people to resolve emotional and relationship challenges?
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