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Emotional Issues
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Interview with Martyn
Fee, Cost, Price

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Relationship Consequences of Coaching & Therapy
Solve Relationship Problems Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

We offer affordable coaching for self-sabotage, learning disabilities,
dissolving therapist abuse and other relationship problems.

Ending Relationship Enmeshments

Relationship habits can cause suffering and disrupt families. As a child, you probably learned to express you parents' emotions and as an adult you may be striving to fulfill your parents' goals. We can help you manage your emotions and solve relationship problems, entanglements and bonds.

We can help you free yourself of emotional enmeshments and symptoms based on them. However, as you change:

  • some people may prefer that you remain compliant
  • some people may react with emotional or psychosomatic symptoms
  • some people may become frustrated because you are harder to manipulate

Other people in your family or team may be in conflict or crisis. As you explore how to live without fear or compliance, you will change your relationship habits. During this time, people affected by your changes may be irritated or angry with you and may criticize your decisions or actions.

Soulwork Code of Conduct . Soulwork Flow Chart

End of Entanglement

Relationship entanglements can distort or hide symptoms of mental ill-health. You may have identified with another person, for example, trying to partner a parent, or parent a partner. Although you may want to end this role, someone else may feel bound to take your previous role, and express the symptoms appropriate for your entanglement.

Many relationship conflicts and transfer of symptoms can be predicted during relationship diagnosis by an experienced systemic coach. A good relationship coach or systemic therapist can discuss your relationship ecology with you, and explore ways to improve it. A professional's failure to help you monitor and manage your relationship ecology may be best called incompetence.

Professional Relationship Coaching

Therapy and coaching are often limited by esoteric theories and idealistic models which may not be in accord with reality. If a marriage counselor says "All you need is love", for example, it may sound reasonable, but so much is ignored. We ask:

  • "How do you each want your partner to love you?"
  • "How do you each want to express love to your partner?"
  • "Who are appropriate role models for the kind of love that you want?"
  • "What might prevent you from expressing love in the way you want?"

A couples therapist or relationship coach may offer marriage enrichment, pre-marital counseling or divorce prevention, and yet never explore how both people want to express and receive love.

Evaluate Partnership . Enjoy Partnership

Relationships for Life?

Healthy relationships produce commitment, fulfillment and happiness. Maintaining healthy relationships need quality communication. And quality communication usually requires that you manage entanglements with and bonds to inappropriate people.

Problems will happen, although many partnership problems merely reflect an inability to communicate about difficulties. If you want healthy relationships, first focus on developing your relationship qualities.

Predictable Partnership . Couple Coaching Flowchart

What makes Good Relationship Coaching?

We both wanted to save our partnership. We both wanted to work it out. We were both motivated ... we needed someone who could observe us and ensure that we both played fair. Now we know that we needed a couple coach - not a therapist.

Good relationship coaches

  • walk their talk - not stumble their mumble
  • continually develop their own relationship qualities
  • advocate committed, long-term happy relationships
  • avoid criticizing you, manipulating you or judging you

Good relationship coaching helps people:

  1. create healthy relationships
  2. improve their existing relationships
  3. make their own choices and decisions
  4. find appropriate resources and role models
  5. discover which relationship choices are right
  6. focus on relationships in the "big picture" of life
  7. focus on meaning and connection in partnership
  8. accept responsibility for fulfilling relationship goals
  9. recognize the consequences of attitudes and habits
  10. improve relationship skills, knowledge and experience

Good coaches help people walk paths that they have already walked, and continually strive to live with integrity their own lives and relationships. Good coaches further their own development by working with mentors, getting specialist training and peer supervision. Good coaching helps restore integrity.

Peer Supervision

Helping professionals can also become involved, hurt, irritated and upset in their relationships. Our peer supervision is a helpful resource that can provide space to think, to talk, to understand and to defuse confusing situations. Our coaching and peer supervision can benefit to therapists, counselors or coaches:

  1. manage negative emotions
  2. solve relationship problems
  3. predict clients' relationship conflicts
  4. control inappropriate displays of power
  5. explore and resolve conflicts of interest

Contact us to solve emotional issues and relationship problems.

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2001-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email