If you enjoy exploring, and you are in Warsaw, Poland, take a
morning tram to Rondo Waszyngtona. Follow the crowd. You
will soon find yourself in the Stadion Dziesięciolecia,
called the “Russian Market” by the linguistically
challenged. It may be the largest open-air bazaar in Europe,
with a huge selection of goods. Each day, thousands of people
visit it from all over Central and Eastern Europe.
Go with a Polish friend, as prices change according to accent. Amongst omnipresent Asian
polyester, you will find clothes with designer labels that may might
survive two washes, and accessories with well-known "luxury"
names. You will also find endless pirated software and bootleg music.
Beware the plastic amber and avoid the toxic Russian
whisky. Anything that looks valuable probably isn’t, and anything that
seems antique was likely made last year. The bazaar represents a
counterfeit culture.
Sellers will carefully scrutinize your money before they accept it. The more
something is valued – the more motivation to make copies, and the more important
to detect and reject whatever is counterfeit.
[ Mother-Son
Codependence . Father-Daughter
Entanglements ]
Happiness vs Fun: Substitutes for Love
If you value love, you can find counterfeit love for sale,
at the bazaar and elsewhere. Lonely people support large industries.
Sellers of pornography and prostitution offer little pretence or
justification; they are often honest compared to people who
pretend love in relationships based on passive aggression, manipulation
and humiliation.
Counterfeiting love may seem easy.
Loving relationships need care, attention and nurturing. It may be
easier to be lonely, or to be
codependent, than to learn friendship, teamwork and
partnership skills. Becoming a biological parent can take a few minutes
of activity - fulfilling parenthood takes years of dedicated and
often challenging effort. Joining a crowd requires little effort - creating
a community is work. Fulfilling human life requires lifelong effort.
Do you sacrifice your desire to love
and be loved for substitutes? The most common substitutes for
love are probably power, security,
success or to fulfill family or community traditions. It is useful to
recognize the counterfeit.
You may not miss what you never had. If your role models suffered toxic
entanglements,
you may assume that all relationships are toxic, and search for happiness
elsewhere. In disappointment, you may turn to substitutes for love
- to "romantic" books, music and films, to medication, to alcohol or nicotine, or to obsessions or
addictive distractions. Many businesses cater to lonely people and compete
in selling short-term substitutes for happiness!
Substitutes for love that can be manufactured, duplicated and sold are
valuable commodities. Stories about love, songs about love and pretended
acts of love are eagerly sought by the lonely. The pretence of love in
advertising and sales helps persuade the gullible that products such as
clothes or a car will bring attention ... respect ... happiness ... love
.... without any effort or risk on their part.
Is THAT what you want? Love for your clothes or respect for your car? Be careful what you
ask for.
Love Addiction
If you are a love addict, you may prefer unfulfilling relationships; perhaps convinced that you are seeking a
perfect
partner. Like other addicts, you may proclaim your ability to
stop at any time, while securing a supply of your intoxicant - expressions
of love. (People entangled with opposite-sex parents may be unable to
create long-term happy partnerships and become love addicts. See:
Emotional Incest,
Mother's Little Prince and
Daddy's Little Princess.)
Your investment in quality clothes, furniture or food reflects the effort, skill
and ingenuity in their creation. Your investment in quality relationships
reflects your effort, skill and ingenuity in creating love.
Your relationships
reflect your beliefs and relationship skills, which are often learned
from family, friends, co-workers and TV. People try to copy their role models –
with predictable consequences! But any
person can choose to change! Any person can change beliefs and improve skills.
A popular American idiom is “Fake it until you make it”. For some people, “Fake
love until you make love” is a life pattern. In life, as at the bazaar, many people choose
counterfeit, not even suspecting the beauty and benefits of the genuine.
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