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Counterfeit Love

Relationship Coaching ... Systemic Coach Training

Are you entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma? Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your boss's moods? Soulwork Systemic Solutions can help you untangle your life ... and you can help other people reclaim their freedom.

When Love is Counterfeit

If you enjoy exploring, and you are in Warsaw, Poland, take a morning tram to Rondo Waszyngtona. Follow the crowd. You will soon find yourself in the Stadion Dziesięciolecia, called the “Russian Market” by the linguistically challenged. It may be the largest open-air bazaar in Europe, with a huge selection of goods. Each day, thousands of people visit it from all over Central and Eastern Europe.

Go with a Polish friend, as prices change according to accent. Amongst omnipresent Asian polyester, you will find clothes with designer labels that may might survive two washes, and accessories with well-known "luxury" names. You will also find endless pirated software and bootleg music. Beware the plastic amber and avoid the toxic Russian whisky. Anything that looks valuable probably isn’t, and anything that seems antique was likely made last year. The bazaar represents a counterfeit culture.

Sellers will carefully scrutinize your money before they accept it. The more something is valued – the more motivation to make copies, and the more important to detect and reject whatever is counterfeit.

[ Mother-Son Codependence ] [ Father-Daughter Entanglements ]

Happiness vs Fun: Substitutes for Love

If you value love, you can find counterfeit love for sale, at the bazaar and elsewhere. Lonely people support large industries. Sellers of pornography and prostitution offer little pretence or justification; they are often honest compared to people who pretend love in relationships based on passive aggression, manipulation and humiliation.

Counterfeiting love may seem easy. Loving relationships need care, attention and nurturing. It may be easier to be lonely, or to be codependent, than to learn friendship, teamwork and partnership skills. Becoming a biological parent can take a few minutes of activity - fulfilling parenthood takes years of dedicated and often challenging effort. Joining a crowd requires little effort - creating a community is work. Fulfilling human life requires lifelong effort.

Do you sacrifice your desire to love and be loved for substitutes? The most common substitutes for love are probably power, security, success or to fulfill family or community traditions. It is useful to recognize the counterfeit.

You may not miss what you never had. If your role models suffered toxic entanglements, you may assume that all relationships are toxic, and search for happiness elsewhere. In disappointment, you may turn to substitutes for love - to "romantic" books, music and films, to medication, to alcohol or nicotine, or to obsessions or addictive distractions. Many businesses cater to lonely people and compete in selling short-term substitutes for happiness!

Substitutes for love that can be manufactured, duplicated and sold are valuable commodities. Stories about love, songs about love and pretended acts of love are eagerly sought by the lonely. The pretence of love in advertising and sales helps persuade the gullible that products such as clothes or a car will bring attention ... respect ... happiness ... love .... without any effort or risk on their part.

Is THAT what you want? Love for your clothes or respect for your car? Be careful what you ask for.

Love Addiction

If you are a love addict, you may prefer unfulfilling relationships; perhaps convinced that you are seeking a perfect partner. Like other addicts, you may proclaim your ability to stop at any time, while securing a supply of your intoxicant - expressions of love. (People entangled with opposite-sex parents may be unable to create long-term happy partnerships and become love addicts. See: Emotional Incest, Mother's Little Prince and Daddy's Little Princess.)

Your investment in quality clothes, furniture or food reflects the effort, skill and ingenuity in their creation. Your investment in quality relationships reflects your effort, skill and ingenuity in creating love.

Your relationships reflect your beliefs and relationship skills, which are often learned from family, friends, co-workers and TV. People try to copy their role models – with predictable consequences! But any person can choose to change! Any person can change beliefs and improve skills.

A popular American idiom is “Fake it until you make it”. For some people, “Fake love until you make love” is a life pattern. In life, as at the bazaar, many people choose counterfeit, not even suspecting the beauty and benefits of the genuine.

Relationship Coaching ... Systemic Coach Training

Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? We can train you to coach individuals, partners and teams to resolve emotional, educational and relationship challenges.

Systemic Coach Training welcomes friendly people who are motivated and emotionally stable. Enhance your career with life coaching and relationship coaching skills. Coach people to gain clarity, dissolve success and relationship issues, and understand what makes sense in life. Help people build success and quality relationships. You can help people fulfill their dreams.

Workshops Systemic Coach Training
Soulwork 1 Evaluate and clarify relationship systems & entanglements
Soulwork 2 How to define goals, resolve objections & plan for success
Soulwork 3 End self-criticism & inner conflict to recover integrity
Soulwork 4 How to recover identity loss; missing qualities, expertise and skills
Soulwork 5 How to dissolve relationship bonds for healthy relationships
Soulwork 6 Dissolve emotional trauma and rebuild motivation
Soulwork 7 How to  end mentor damage & find inspirational mentorship
Soulwork 8 Coach couples and partners simultaneously
Soulwork 9 Coach teams and team leaders simultaneously
Soulwork 10 Coach whole families simultaneously

[ Predictable Partnership ] [ Prevent Learning Disabilities ] [ Space for Love ]


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Systemic Coaching ... Systemic Coach Training ... Your Next Step

  • For more information about Systemic Solutions email: Systemic Solutions for Relationship Management and Strategic Planning

  • Click here for: Home-Study Program in Systemic Coaching

  • Click here for: Individual, couple & family Systemic Coaching

  • All material on this website is copyright © 2001-2006 by Martyn Carruthers. All rights reserved. Commercial use is prohibited. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium is permitted with the express written permission of Martyn Carruthers. This material may be freely linked to by other electronic text. For more information, contact Jan Sikorski at +48 (22) 733 0357