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Partnership Agreements & Contracts
Conjoint Systemic Coaching Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Many trainings teach people to start at the beginning.
When we offer couple coaching, we like to start at the end.
When we know where we're going, it's much easier to get there.

We can encourage you to make decisions - but we do not make decisions for you.
We can encourage you to see other points of view - but we do not take sides.
We can support your choices but we will not press you to change.


Do you want a better partnership? Is your relationship in trouble? Or is it great and you want to make it better? Our couple coaching can help you enjoy better relationships. We offer a complete model of pre-marital counseling, marriage counseling and a coaching service for business partners.

We help couples and partners check their goals, roles, habits, rules and beliefs. We help them solve emotional issues and relationship problems. We help people solve marriage problems and enjoy better partnership.

When couples want to improve their relationships, we also help them assess the impact of their relationships with their extended family and the expectations of their communities in the context of their goals.

Conjoint Therapy & Systemic Coaching

During conjoint (simultaneous) couple therapy and systemic coaching, we assist partners or family members to improve their relationships. We provide a complete coaching methodology that includes couple contracts for solving relationship problems.

While there are usually advantages if both partners attending sessions together, we prefer to first meet the partners individually. Our aim is to help people work together, so that our sessions become a catalyst for change.

Wishes & Demands

Every mature partner will have ideas or wishes that he or she believes would make things even better. And every mature partner will have some demands - non-negotiable requirements that must be met for the relationship to continue. (Immature or dependent adults may be unable to express their wishes).

"My partner is only doing that to try to make me feel better."
Heard many times ... as a complaint!

A wish might be, "For my happiness, I want you kiss me before you go to work".

A demand might be, "Unless you stop doing THAT, our relationship will be over!"

Couple Coaching Agreements

If you are committed to a partnership, you can use agreements to clarify your relationship. This often clarifies strange partnership behavior and unexpected events. It also provides a focus for effective telephone coaching when a person, a partnership, or a family is in trouble. You can:

  • Define your concepts of your partnership responsibilities and the benefits that you expect to gain from your partnership and from your partner.
  • Write what you and your partner expect to give and to receive. Contracts can deal with every aspect of family life: relationships with friends, achievements, power, sex, leisure time, money, children, and etc.
  • Write a contract based on both of your needs and wishes. These will include your healthy needs and plausible wishes, as well as unreasonable needs and conflicting wishes. You may find that your attempts to fulfill your partner's needs assume that your own wishes will be fulfilled.

We wrote our responsibilities and wishes separately and we agreed not to discuss them until we had both finished. We could then read and talk about our papers as much as we wanted. We made some changes and additions, but we also kept our original words and noted our changes. At first we felt puzzled - yet later we were very pleased with this.

Soon, we could use each other's wishes on our own initiative, without asking questions like, "What is in this for me?", or "Do you get more than me?" Instead, our wishes evolved to "How happy can we be together?" Hawaii

Partnership Wishes

Although each of you may know what you want, you may be less aware of your partner's wishes. If you assume that your partner agrees to a certain point, if your wishes are not fulfilled, you may react with anger, anxiety, depression or withdrawal. (This is especially likely if you believe that you fulfilled your obligations but that your partner did not.)

  • Together explore all of your wishes, and find conflicts
  • Resolve your conflicts and integrate your wishes to form partnership goals

To better integrate your wishes, systemic coaching can help you:

  • determine what you want from each other
  • describe what you offer to each other
  • test the realism of your fantasies and expectations
  • create partnership goals that meet both your needs

Simple Suggestions for Finding Partnership Goals

  1. Write your desired individual responsibilities and wishes separately
  2. Read your written responsibilities and wishes to each other
  3. Avoid any form of complaint, criticism, blame or justification
  4. Take turns initiating and playing out each other's wishes
  5. The initiator plays out his or her own wish
  6. Later check your written wishes to be sure that you fulfilled them all
  7. Both of you add new wishes and repeat

Love, Success & Sanity

It is obvious to our senses that the world is mostly flat, and that the sun moves over us. The Polish astronomer Nikolaj Kopernik (Copernicus) overturned that notion - at some risk to his life. Sanity changed. Galileo, Newton, Einstein ... many people risked the labels of insane or heretic to change our paradigms of reality. And these paradigm shifts became resources for future technological success.

Alfred Korzybski - in his book Science and Sanity - provided useful models for clear communication. Dr Clare Graves provided a useful methodology of human development in relationships. Dr Gregory Bateson created a useful hierarchy of abstraction. We integrated these models into our systemic coaching to help ordinary people get extra-ordinary results.

Contact us to gain clarity, manage emotional problems,
manage unpleasant emotions and to build better relationships.

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2004-2018
All rights reserved.

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For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


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Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email