We offer online help and mentorship about death and
bereavement and relationships with people whose bodies have died.
I once wrote a program so that my computer would
randomly display human ideas. It might display, "I will do
what you ask but not what you want", or "I will remember
this moment forever", or even "I love you".
Sometimes it displayed "I didn't ask you to write me" or
"Don't switch me off - I don't want to die".
Just because I have no body ... does that mean we
cannot have a relationship?
Of course - it was only a computer programmed to
display words. However interesting the messages - however co-incidental
or synchronous - it was just a machine following a program ... not
at all like you or me. We have free choice ... don't we?
Transcript concerning Identification with a Dead Person
Is Death a part of Life?
We are all initiates into the mysteries of death. On a day very much like
today, your heart will stop beating. Your body will exhale - and will never
again inhale. You will close your eyes - perhaps knowing that you will not open
them again. Whether in an accident,
or at an old folks home, or in a hospital ... your body will die.
If your parent dies, you may
lose your past; if your partner dies,
you may lose your present but if your child
dies, you lose your future. Martyn
Sometimes, just when you start to understand what's going on,
it's time to say goodbye. Despite your desires, hopes
and prayers; sooner or later, the bodies of relatives and friends will die.
Probably, you know many dead people. But the identities or personalities
who lived in those bodies - do they die? Were they even born? What, if anything,
continues after the death of a body?
Since my mother died a year ago, I
felt haunted. It's like she floated over me, worrying about me and
criticizing me if I didn't do things her way. I felt like I was going
crazy - but after a few sessions with you I felt more peaceful and relaxed.
Is your life Precious?
Perhaps life is more precious because death is certain. Probably you
don't want to die - probably you want to survive - but sometimes
the price of your own life is too high. You may risk your life to
protect your family - or your community - or a child - or your government
- or a stranger - or even a pet.
People don't die ... only bodies die.
Our bodies live just as long as they live, and
not a day more.
Would you willingly die for your beliefs? For your
family? For an elected politician? For your boss? Or would you die to
avoid the suffering of NOT protecting something precious to you. Some
people facing chronic pain may prefer death. See my articles on
Long Term Pain Relief
and Pain Coaching.
No-one is sure where you were before
you were born, but when you were born,
you arrived with your return ticket already punched. Terry Pratchett
Can suicide cross generations?
Some mournful people seem to communicate
that "life does not make sense". Suicidal people have told me
that their desire to die may be related to a relative's
suicide. It seems that if a parent suicides, at least one of the
children will suffer suicidal fantasies, and a grand-child may also suicide -
continuing a cycle.
What really happens after death?
What do you believe happens when your body dies? What do you know for sure?
- Your genes will continue in the bodies of your
- Your values will continue in any projects
that you commence
- Your memories will continue in the
minds of those who knew you
Scientists may tell you about their observations of what will happen
to a body after death. Philosophers may tell you about what happens to your sense of self after death.
Religious people may tell you their ideas about rebirth, afterlife and
Faith is believing what you know is not
true (heard in Canada)
Most Christians and Muslims believe that a soul will continue
to exist after death in a limbo, heaven or hell. Most Buddhists
and Hindus believe that a soul will reincarnate after death into another body. Atheists may believe that
no souls, and the dead can never live again. Agnostics can truthfully
say that they don't know.
Do you answer questions about death with your
beliefs? No one can prove what happens to you - or even if there is a
you for anything to happen to. There are many
Soul as Spiritual Identity
People who believe that they have, or are, a spiritual identity, and that when their bodies die, their spiritual identities continue.
Some people believe that certain behaviors or beliefs can guide their
spiritual identity to eternal bliss. They may also believe that if
their behavior does not meet some standard, that their spiritual
identity can suffer - perhaps for eternity.
Contact us if you want to experience an ecstatic state that we
Near-Death Experiences (NDE)
As a child, I was pushed into a swimming pool
long before I could swim. I remember looking up and seeing people swimming
... and then looking down and seeing people swimming - and a crowd of people
around a child's body. And I recall "coming back" into that
young boy's body - coughing and choking. My memories seem quite real.
Many people have described near-death
experiences. Their bodies almost died and yet continued to live. These
people can describe near-death experiences (NDE), which seem to indicate
that life continues after death, as so many descriptions of NDE are similar.
Some people who have experienced
near-death say that NDE are real, while some scientists say that NDE is a
physiological reaction of a human mind undergoing existential stress. Who really
Descriptions of past-life experiences seem to reveal memories from
before birth. Past-life experiences seem to indicate the continuation
of life from before birth to after death, either as reincarnation, or as memories are accessible in
some separate reality.
When people describe past-life memories, I often
help those people manage trauma or relationship problems
within those memories. In this way we can manage emotions and resolve
stress disorders - whether or not the past-life memories are real or whether or
not they are metaphors of some repressed trauma in this life.
Contact us if you want to
resolve past-life memories
Identification with a Dead Person (DPI)
Some people unconsciously identify with a dead family member
- perhaps following a suicide, abortion or vanishing twin.
I often help people manage identifications
with dead people. A few signs I
associate this are:
- Often expresses melancholy
- Mournful withdrawal from people
- Many abstractions and justifications
- May appear to have psychic sensitivity
- Says that happiness is only possible after death
- Increased risk of miscarriages, stillbirth and
- Guilt - being alive may not make sense if an
important person died
Sometimes a little girl claims me. She wants to be alive and real. Sometimes
she overwhelms me. She wants
to love and be loved. Although she is young, I feel she's my
twin sister. People call me crazy if
I tell them, so usually I don't. Hawaii
Following an abortion, murder or suicide, young children of
the victim's family may identify with the missing persons - the holes in their families - and may grow up melancholic and sensitive. Such children are
typically fascinated by gore and death,
and as adults they often express chronic sadness.
Contact us if you want to end entanglements with dead people
Online Help: Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
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