Dependence is normal for children
and sick people.
We help adults develop interdependent cooperation.
Do you ignore your own needs? Can you say "No!"
- and follow through?
In your desire to express and receive love, you may
become entangled. You may lose your sense of freedom, purpose and happiness.
You may suffer ... a lot. We
can help you manage your emotions and solve relationship problems.
usually try to avoid responsibility, endlessly complain, whine, blame others, tell
lies and avoid the consequences of their actions. Dependent people avoid
becoming adults - they prefer to manipulate other people. See Codependence.
Some dependent people offer their bodies in trade for
goods or protection. (See Emotional Incest,
Mother's Little Prince
Little Princess). This is common in relationships in which abuse is not only tolerated but expected.
Counter-Dependence & Inter-Dependence
Most two-year olds and teenagers enjoy saying, "No!" to offers of
help. Some people dislike any dependence - counter-dependent people
prefer to do things alone, perhaps avoiding relationships. This may result
in them feel isolated and depressed.
A solution is inter-dependent relationships, where members recognize
their mutual dependence and a need for cooperation. Cooperative support provides
a common ground for mature, healthy relationships and an end to learned
Interdependence is and ought to be as much
the ideal of man as self-sufficiency.
Man is a social being. Without interrelation with society he cannot realize his
with the universe or suppress his egotism. Mahatma
Are you Dependent?
You are emotionally dependent if you believe that
or self-esteem requires the ongoing care of another person.
Do you define love as
behavior that fulfills your needs? Does your love require that one
of you be needy? If someone stops providing something
that you want - would you end this suddenly-unloving relationship? Dependent
people often express
depression and anxiety.
Are you preoccupied with someone? Do you feel a sense of loss when you can't be close? Do you
need to be a person's exclusive love and their only companion? Are you jealous? Are you
unable to make decisions without that person's approval?
Solutions for Dependent Relationships
|Your life does not make sense
Depression, Anxiety, Obsessions, Despair, Psychosomatic
Identify and clarify entanglements. Help people manage
emotions and solve relationship problems
|A person attempts to control,
manipulate or victimize other family members
A person attempts to avoid
responsibility, or to take over other member's responsibilities.
Tough Love: Parents can monitor, maintain and
enrich family harmony.
Members know each other's responsibilities
A person seeks people with problems
as "friends", to fulfill a need to "help" people.
A person only wants
who do not want help to be a basis for friendship.
(Coach, Counselor, Consultant, Therapist, Healer, etc)
|A helping professional depends on clients to
create a sense of purpose in life.
A helping professional wants friendly or intimate
relationships with clients.
A sense of purpose and self-respect
Healthy relationships outside of working relationships
depends on other members do his or her work or take his or her
Team member wants to do
other members work or take their responsibilities.
Coach a team leader to select team members based on
relationship skills as well as expertise.
A team leader can use team process
to recognize and correct behavior.
A person wants a partner who will act as
a "parent", "sibling" or "child".
A person does not fulfill
responsibilities OR person tries to fulfill partner's responsibilities
A person becomes anxious, angry or
depressed if partner is happy or successful
Help people observe themselves and potential partners
Define and fulfill own and partner responsibilities,
and support partner to fulfill his or her responsibilities.
Coach partners to
encourage each other's development, success and happiness.
A parent needs a child and sabotages a child's maturity.
A parent acts like a
"child" of the child
A parent treats a child as a possession or servant,
rejecting the child's individuality.
Parents find mature friends
Help people to untangle and clarify
relationships with parents.
Family meetings can improve family health.
People avoid responsibilities and
depends on a community, government or state.
A person wants to control the collective behavior
of a community or country.
|Few solutions are possible until
people want to change.
A person should first fulfill partnership
and parenthood responsibilities.
|A person avoids responsibility and
depends on humanity, the universe, a deity or a philosophy to somehow provide
food, shelter and life goals without effort.
These people may try to create dependent relationships in
|Few solutions are possible until suffering
Some people would rather die than change their dependent
Some unhealthy behaviors are so common that you may not call them unhealthy. Consider the relationship messages in fairy tales, Hollywood movies
and marketing campaigns. Listen critically to the lyrics of popular love songs. You
are bombarded by images of dependent people! Dependence has become normal.
Two golden keys for resolving dependence are integrity
and maturity. We help people experience their integrity and develop their
maturity as a basis for changing immature, dependent relationships. We help
people create healthy relationships.
Contact us to manage your emotions and solve relationship
Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
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© Martyn Carruthers 2000-2017 All rights reserved.