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Are you entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your
boss's moods? Soulwork Systemic Solutions can help you untangle
your life ... and you can help other people reclaim their freedom.
Do people speak badly of you in front of others?
Emotional blackmail is
relationship abuse motivated by a desire to hurt. An emotional blackmailer may claim good intentions,
and a victim may perceive the abuse as normal.
Although abuse has strong consequences, Soulwork systemic coaching can dissolve
most
consequences of abuse.
Emotional abuse includes excessive demands, punishment for
normal behavior, discouraging expressions of attachment (love) or self-respect,
and withholding affection or care. The damage caused by emotional abuse often
manifests as dysfunctional relationship behavior.
Emotional blackmail and emotional abuse are often
expressions of codependence, where adults are entangled in victim games -
displays of power and impotence - in which an observer or a player cannot ever be
sure who is the real victim. Often, the real victims are their children.
[ Mother-Son
Codependence ] [ Father-Daughter
Bonds ] [ Parental Alienation ]
What is Emotional Blackmail?
Emotional blackmail is an
attempt to influence, manipulate or control you. Common ways are:
- Domination - controlling your environment
- Intimidation - manipulating your
guilt, fear, compassion and values
- Unreasonable demands - requirements that you cannot meet
- Unpredictable mood changes - emotional
outbursts and mood swings
- Verbal abuse - using
words (or laughter) to attack, hurt or injure you
Consequences of Emotional Blackmail
The consequences of emotional blackmail or
extended criticism can be severe, especially for children. The victims may
become silent, watchful, shy, preoccupied, uneasy and lonely.
They may respond with aggression to people who attempt to be friendly. Soulwork
can help people who ...
- fear criticism, disapproval, or rejection
- feel inadequate - may avoid new activities
- are very sensitive to ANY negative evaluation
- see themselves as inferior or unappealing
- avoid interpersonal contact - social inhibition
Victim Games
The justification for emotional blackmail is often
dependence - the abuser may be afraid to lose something important that the
victim provides. An abuser may:
- Withhold essential information
- Contradict the victim's perspective
- Disguise abuse as humor
- Block the victim's goals
- Install limiting beliefs
- Trivialize thoughts and achievements
- Make threats to increase power
- Forget promises, agreements or previous discussions
- Invalidate the victim's reality and perceptions
- Express anger to release tension and feel powerful
Some abusers are helping professionals such as doctors,
therapists and alternative healers. (See
therapist-client codependence and mentor
damage). We help people resolve all forms of abuse.
Victim Paradox
Victims may have more power than victimizers. A resourceful
person, by acting resourceless, can manipulate an entire
relationship system such as a family or workgroup. Neither observers nor
members of a system (e.g. in a family, team or community) may know who
are real victims.
Victim Identification
A symptom set associated
with abuse and emotional blackmail is
Victim Identification. A person (usually a child in the family or
a junior within an organization) may identify with a victim and express anger to the
victimizer, often explosively and inappropriately. This anger may be extended and projected
(transferred) onto any person who reminds the victim-identified person of the "victimizer".
Common symptoms of victim identification are
outbursts of anger and rage, which may generalize into anger against all victimizers. This anger can be expressed as arrogance,
vandalism and terrorism.
[
Emotional Incest ] [
Identification ]
Systemic Solutions
Soulwork Systemic Coaching provides models to quickly alleviat or control the unpleasant
consequences of emotional blackmail. Soulwork provides proven ways to dissolve
not only the symptoms but also the underlying causes of...
Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? Do you want to coach people to resolve emotional and relationship challenges?
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