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Are you entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your
boss's moods?
We can help you untangle your life ... and you can help people reclaim their freedom.
Do people speak badly of you in front of others?
Emotional blackmail is relationship abuse
motivated by a desire to hurt. Emotional blackmailers may claim good intentions, and
their victims may perceive the abuse as normal. Although abuse has strong consequences,
our systemic coaching can dissolve many consequences of abuse.
Emotional abuse includes excessive demands, punishment for
normal behavior, discouraging expressions of attachment (love) or self-respect,
and withholding affection or care. The damage caused by emotional abuse often
manifests as dysfunctional relationship behavior.
Emotional blackmail and emotional abuse are often
expressions of codependence, where adults are entangled in victim games -
displays of power and impotence - in which an observer or a player cannot ever be
sure who is the real victim. Often, the real victims are their children.
Mother-Son Codependence
. Father-Daughter Bonds
. Parental Alienation
What is Emotional Blackmail?
Emotional blackmail is an attempt to influence, manipulate
or control you. Some common ways are:
- Domination - controlling your environment
- Intimidation - manipulating your guilt, fear, compassion and values
- Unreasonable demands - requirements that you cannot meet
- Unpredictable mood changes - emotional outbursts and mood swings
- Verbal abuse - using words (or laughter) to attack, hurt or injure you
Consequences of Emotional Blackmail
The consequences of emotional blackmail or
extended criticism can be severe, especially for children. The victims may
become silent, watchful, shy, preoccupied, uneasy and lonely.
They may respond with aggression to people who attempt to be friendly. We
can help people who ...
- fear criticism, disapproval, or rejection
- feel inadequate - may avoid new activities
- are sensitive to ANY negative evaluation
- see themselves as inferior or unappealing
- avoid interpersonal contact - social inhibition
Victim Games
The justification for emotional blackmail is often
dependence - the abuser may be afraid to lose something important that the
victim provides. An abuser may:
- Withhold essential information
- Contradict the victim's perspective
- Disguise abuse as humor
- Block the victim's goals
- Install limiting beliefs
- Trivialize thoughts and achievements
- Make threats to increase power
- Forget promises, agreements or previous discussions
- Invalidate the victim's reality and perceptions
- Express anger to release tension and feel powerful
Some abusers are helping professionals such as doctors,
therapists and alternative healers.
(See therapist-client codependence and
mentor damage). We help people
resolve most forms of abuse.
Victim Paradox
Victims may have more power than victimizers. A resourceful
person, by acting resourceless, can manipulate an entire relationship system
such as a family or workgroup. Neither observers nor members of a system
(e.g. in a family, team or community) may know who are real victims.
A symptom set associated
with abuse and emotional blackmail is Victim Identification. A person (usually a child
in the family or a junior within an organization) may identify with a victim and express
anger to the victimizer, often explosively and inappropriately. This anger may be extended
and projected (transferred) onto any person who reminds the victim-identified person of
the "victimizer".
Do you want coaching or coach training?
Do you want to coach people to resolve emotional and relationship challenges?
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emosion, emosional
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