Are you enmeshed in the difficult relationships and
often called emotional blackmail? Contact us to
start untangling your life.
I spent a fortune identifying my emotional
and mental problems - but the psychological names did not solve them! You helped me
improve my relationships and change my
and keep the change. London
Emotional Blackmail is Emotional Abuse!
Blackmail is motivated by a need to manipulate
or control, often by people who claim good intentions. Some victims
of emotional blackmail may perceive being abused as normal,
although all forms of abuse have heavy relationship consequences.
We help people understand emotional abuse, protect themselves
from emotional blackmail, triangulation and over-diagnosis by therapists.
We help people find relief and emotional freedom.
People who abuse or manipulate others
may be unable to enjoy healthy relationships
until they accept and
assimilate their inner demons.
Contact us if you want to change.
Emotional blackmail includes excessive demands, punishment for
normal behavior, unwanted displays of attachment (love),
withholding affection or care and threats of humiliation. The damage caused
by this emotional abuse often manifests as dysfunctional relationship
habits and suffering.
My mother told me many times that she only
conceived me so that I would
look after her in her old age, and that if I
leave her - she will suicide. I am 24.
Like emotional incest, emotional blackmail often indicates
dependence by people who are preoccupied with control. Often, the real victims of
this abuse are children. If you have had enough of this in your family, let's work together to
end the craziness and regain your freedom!
. Father-Daughter Issues
. Parental Alienation
Where are you Now?
I composed this simple table of relationship behavior many years ago.
|They often show
gratitude to each other
|One or both are often
irritated, depressed or in crisis
|People respond to
most verbal and
|One or both ignore,
avoid or shorten
|They review events
in their history
||They rarely review
their relationship history
|People greet after time
apart and ask about each other's activities and other news
||They rarely interact when
without even silent intimacy
|They enjoy meeting
each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment
||One or both often
ignore or criticize
the other's goals and needs
|They often discuss
goals and dreams,
shared values and shared meanings.
|They rarely discuss
goals, values or dreams
|They share meals and
||They often cook, eat
or do chores alone
|They often go out
prefer to go out alone
projects which require cooperation
||One or both avoid,
ignore or give small attention to shared projects
|They wish to enjoy sharing
||One or both want to separate
but cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints
|They respect most of each
other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences
||One or both show contempt
for the other's decisions and make angry demands
|They want happiness
||One or both prefer
What is Emotional Blackmail?
Does someone attempt to
manipulate your emotions? This may follow a cycle of Demands -
Resistance - Pressure - Threats - Compliance. The
- You feel dominated - your life feels controlled
- You feel intimidated by unreasonable demands
- You feel attacked with words, laughter or threats
- You feel manipulated by guilt, fear or compassion
Emotional blackmailers want power. They are often anxious
and insecure - they may believe that they can relieve their frustrations
by controlling you or other people, either habitually or during a crisis such
as separation or divorce, loss of a job, illness or age.
emotional blackmailers were overprotected as children and
did not develop confidence or skill in their ability to solve problems by themselves.
Many are codependent with their victims (and some will change roles with their
Do you cause family, friends or co-workers
because you have emotional issues and you won't get help?
You can end emotional blackmail. We help people who :
- fear a blackmailer's anger
- need a blackmailer's approval
- endlessly doubt or criticize themselves
- depend on the blackmailer for something
- blame themselves for other people's emotions
Consequences of Emotional Blackmail on Children
Emotional blackmail, extended criticism and contempt can have
severe consequences, especially for children. Victims often become silent,
watchful, shy, uneasy and lonely. They may later respond with aggression
and anger to people who attempt to be friendly. For some of these people, kindness
may seem like a threat!
To gain your compliance, abusers may:
- Act like victims
- Block your goals
- Make angry threats
- Install limiting beliefs
- Disguise abuse as humor
- Contradict your perspectives
- Withhold essential information
- Forget promises or agreements
- Invalidate your reality and perceptions
- Trivialize your thoughts and achievements
Most emotional abusers seem to be copying their parents, while some are professionals such as
doctors and therapists who copy their mentors. (See
therapist-client codependence). We can help people manage most forms of abuse.
Common Emotional Blackmail
- Love (If you love me you must do as I say)
- Goals (You must help me fulfill my
- Guilt (I sacrificed my life for you
... you must do whatever I tell you)
- Punish (You must follow my
beliefs and instructions - or I will punish you)
- Dependent / Codependent (I cannot
cope without you so you must obey me)
Emotional blackmail is abuse - and the blackmailers
are often relatives. They may threaten to punish you if you resist
their control. They may
know your vulnerabilities and your secrets, and use this knowledge to gain your
Contact us to manage emotional blackmail and other
Online Relationship Coaching, Counseling &
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
2003-2017 All rights reserved