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Emotional Issues
Addictions
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Anxiety
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Depression

Dissociation
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Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Immaturity
Inner Child

Pain Control
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Toxic Beliefs
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Relationship Problems
Abuse
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Codependence
Dissolve Conflicts
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Emotional Blackmail

Enjoy Partnership
Evaluate Partners
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Love & Hate

Partnership
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Sexual Issues
Soul Mates

 

Family Challenges
Abuse

Abortion
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Ancestors
Brothers & Sisters
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Emotional Incest
Family Meetings
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Fathers & Daughters
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Mothers & Sons

Parental Alienation

 

Life Lessons
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Bad Habits
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Children's Challenges
Communication
Observing Feelings

Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
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Specialties
Chaos Coaching

Inner Conflict
Consciousness
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Learning Disorders
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Sexual Abuse
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Systemic Management
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Solutions for Covert Emotional Incest - 1
End child abuse! Martyn Carruthers & Kosjenka Muk

Online Relationship Coaching, Counseling & Therapy


Your early family relationships are the most influential relationships of your life.
Confusion in those early relationships can lead to confusion throughout life.
Contact us for help resolving emotional and relationship issues.

Go to: Emotional Incest Solutions (Part 2)

Covert emotional incest begins when a family member perceives
or responds to another family member as a substitute for a partner.
We help people resolve emotional incest, and remedy other child abuse.

The symptoms of emotional incest usually include feeling special (believing that you are exceptional). Associated issues may include addictive relationships, passive aggression and perfectionism.

Children raised as special do not forget it. Love may not be enough ... they often  demand devotion. If their need to be special is threatened, they may feel that life is not worth living. They may seek substitutes for parents ... as partners. They may fall in love with people who have qualities that a parent had - or lacked. They may become irrational if or when a substitute parent withdraws or threatens to leave.

My live-in boyfriend (38) told me that he could never marry me because he has all the love he needs from his mother (who treats him like her husband). I was angry and he just went home to live with his mother. Los Angeles

If you cannot ask for help or advice - even when lost in a strange city,
you are unlikely to ask us for guidance even when lost in life.

Warning for Therapists & Counselors

Have you specialized in your own issues? If we help you resolve those issues, you may lose motivation to help other people with those issues.

I was well known for helping depressed middle-aged women cope with their sad lives.
But since our sessions, I can't hardly tolerate such women ... I enjoy being with
dynamic people! I now coach small business owners to expand!
London

Covert Emotional Incest & Identity Loss

Covert emotional incest causes obsessions, compulsions and many emotion-driven behaviors, including:

  1. Identification: You express another person's emotions
  2. Inner Child: Some part of you is split-off - you can be childish
  3. Identity Conflict: You swing between extremes - you live in conflict
  4. Lost Identity: You cannot express yourself - your life lacks meaning
  5. Relationship Bonds: You are bonded to someone - you are dependent

Emotional incest often accompanies Parental Alienation, in which
(in the mind of a child) one parent hates or alienates the other parent.
Often, such toxic beliefs are taboo - and taboo beliefs cannot be
consciously changed or even considered without help.

Covert emotional incest spans generations ... there is no one person who caused it. It usually reflects chains of suffering going back many generations.

Emotional Incest - Signs of Abuse

Solve Emotional Problems

Did a parent try to partner you? Do you cling to fantasies and avoid responsibility (act like a child) or become super-responsible (act like a parent) ... or both? If your parents included you in their fights and fantasies, you may be enmeshed in their drama.

Do you strive to fulfill a parent's unfulfilled desires? If so - you may be diagnosed as having passive aggression, sexual problems, anxiety and/or depression. If you try to fulfill both parents' conflicting desires. your life may include endless inner conflict.

My husband is a mature man half the time - but he acts like an aggressive child after visiting his mother. When he is mature - life is good ... but a few hours with his mother and he becomes an irresponsible, conceited little boy! Washington

If you try to carry ancestral emotional baggage, you will fail. You may find yourself in crisis, depression, obsessions or addictions. Worse, your children will copy you.

I researched the huna healing used by native Hawaiian healers. Some referred to ele'ele eke (black bags) of emotions held in the body which cause disease and are difficult to heal except through ho'oponopono - a traditional Hawaiian ritual.

Parents who Abuse Children

Some parents are abusive and manipulative, yet they usually claim good intentions. They often say that they're doing the best that they know how to do.

My husband was a case of arrested development which made him easy to control. Since your sessions, he is taking more responsibility, but now my teenage son is angrily trying to be the "irresponsible one" in our family. New Mexico

Good intentions can have bad consequences. If a lonely parent loves a child as a substitute for a friend or partner, emotional chaos will follow. The consequences of this abuse includes destructive relationship habits:

  1. expressing contempt and conceit
  2. testing people's acceptance of them
  3. expressing anger, rejection and emotional chaos
  4. showing inappropriate affection and inappropriate rejection

Father-bonded women or mother-bonded men may only relate well with other bonded adults. They may find themselves only falling in love with or sexually excited by immature or irresponsible people whom they neither like nor trust ... or they may desperately seek immature people who will parent them.

Solutions for Transferences & Negative Emotions

Transferences motivate fixated and addictive relationships. Affected people may suffer negative emotions and relationship problems. They may say, "I don't know what love is". For more on this, see mother-son bonds and father-daughter entanglements.

When transferences fail - as they must, being lies - affected people
may seek distractions or drugs to avoid depression. We can
help you resolve emotional and relationship problems.

Go to Emotional Incest Part 2

Online Relationship Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2014 All rights reserved.


We sincerely hope that you find our work useful. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention www.SystemicPsychology.com or www.EmotionsRelationships.com.

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Solve Emotional & Relationship Issues

Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your bonds, fixations and enmeshments
What do you want? Know your life goals and how you sabotage yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Develop your resources with interactive metaphors
Do your emotions block you? Manage relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change your limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity loss to recover your lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents can better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and top teams can develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling, therapy & training

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2014 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work.