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Are you entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your
boss's moods? Soulwork Systemic Solutions can help you untangle
your life ... and you can help other people reclaim their freedom.
Are you mature?
Your emotional intelligence, together with
your intellectual intelligence and relationship intelligence, comprise essential
parts of your life. You can use them to assess
your emotional maturity and show where you can improve.
Your every relationship is a hologram of your life.
You cannot hide your self-awareness, your maturity, your self-control,
your commitment and your integrity. In every relationship you will show
how well you can listen, communicate, initiate change, follow through and deal
with problems.
Your relationships reflect your maturity
Every relationship is a hologram of your life. In every
relationship, even the most trivial, you express important aspects of yourself.
In relationship decisions you express
your communication skills, your commitment and your integrity. You cannot not
express your emotional intelligence.
Your maturity predicts your ability to
manage and monitor your emotions, to assess the emotional state of
others and to influence their opinions and behavior. Your emotional intelligence
and emotional maturity seem to be most profoundly influenced by your
relationship history and your
trauma history.
What are Emotions?
Many psychological definitions of emotions are
devoid of the humanity of people who experience
emotions. Many definitions are simply lists of abstractions.
|
Plutchik |
An emotion is a
patterned bodily reaction of either protection, destruction,
reproduction, deprivation, incorporation, rejection, exploration
or orientation, or some combination of these, which is brought
about by a stimulus. (Feelings and Emotions 1970) |
Other definitions focus on the experience
of being human.
|
Carruthers |
Emotions are sensory
experiences that communicate across human
systems. They can be distorted or dissociated according to
values and beliefs. They provide motivation and inspiration to retreat ... or to
excel (Soulwork Coach Manual) |
Are you Emotionally Mature?
If you avoid your emotions, you may become dissociated -
robot-like. If you feel but avoid expressing your emotions, you may falsify
your relationships, undermine your health and delay your personal development.
Immaturity is associated with child abuse and emotional
incest.
Estimate your emotional intelligence:
- Do you cope with unexpected change?
- Do you listen to other people's ideas?
- Do you recognize your feelings as they occur?
- Do you express your feelings appropriately?
- Do you control strong emotions and impulses?
- Do you take responsibility for your actions and
behavior?
- Do you act intelligently and mature under
stress?
Any "No" indicates part of your life where
you may be emotionally immature, although most people will answer "No" to
question 7. If the stress is high enough to cause you to age-regress
(anything from a spider to the loss of a
partner), most people will feel and act childishly for a time, before restoring balance and sobriety. During
this time, immature behavior is likely.
You may respond to some stress from your early childhood,
and act out your trauma.
Soulwork coaching and training helps people handle emotional chaos
as human adults.
Emotional Maturity & Relationships
Your emotional maturity will be immediately apparent in your
relationships. Do you:
- communicate appropriately? (for the
relationship type)
- clarify mistakes and wrong assumptions?
- provide balance or justice when things go wrong?
- build and maintain friendships?
- teamwork toward shared goals?
- share responsibility for children and projects?
- participate in your community?
- inspire and lead?
If not, the unique Soulwork programs can help you.
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Youth Fades ... Immaturity Lingers
Children, young teenagers and some adults
may need protection from immature behavior and impulsive decisions. Soulwork
offers systemic coaching to people who:
1. Egocentric
You are self-centered and selfish. You have little regard for
others and you are preoccupied with your ideas, feelings and symptoms.
You deeply believe that you are somehow special. You demand constant attention,
respect and sympathy.
2. Uncontrolled Emotions
You express yourself in temper tantrums, prolonged pouts and rapidly changing
moods. You get frustrated easily, and you over-react to
perceived criticism.
3. Gratification
You want it all now. Your behavior may be superficial,
thoughtless and impulsive. Your loyalty lasts only as long as a
relationship seems useful. You have chaotic finances.
4. Dependent
You are indecisive, easily influenced and you avoid responsibility
for your actions. You stay in unpleasant relationships to avoid change.
If you want to change these behaviors, Soulwork systemic
coaching can help you. |
Emotional Control & Expression
What do you do after you feel provoked to express your
emotions? How old do you act when you feel strong anger, sadness or
fear? How far do you age-regress? Do you:
- Express your emotions without conscious
control (like a young child)?
- Suppress your emotionally driven behavior
(like a pre-teen)?
- Repress or dissociate your emotional
experience (like a teenager)?
- Accept, acknowledge and express your
emotions (like a mature adult)?
Your emotional age may change dramatically when you
feel emotional. If you, for example, find yourself behaving like an
8-year old child when you are angry, Soulwork coaching can help you resolve it.
Left unresolved, the consequences of emotional
expression, suppression or dissociation may be disease. Typical consequences
include high blood pressure, colitis, ulcers and chronic fatigue.
Maturity & Trust
Rapport is often used to describe
compliance, in which an abuser tries to influence your decisions,
with sales pitches, confusing rhetoric or hypnotic language, often "for your own
good".
[ Abusive
Relationships ] [ Provocative
Coaching ] [ More on Maturity ]
People may wonder if they can trust you with sensitive
personal information. They may have trusted others and been betrayed or abused. Trust
helps people get on with
their lives, and is essential for innovation and
creativity. Trust can take years to build, and seconds to
destroy. The consequences of abused trust can hurt an organization, family or friendship. Trust needs accountability.
Trustworthiness is an essential part of emotional maturity.
If people do not trust you, you may have to justify every
detail of every decision. And - not everybody is as mature
as you. Be cautious about who you trust with important information.
Maturity & Leadership
Leadership is more than a desire to
delegate tasks. If your confidence provides orientation for
unconfident followers, and if your decisions are beneficial, you will be
respected. Soulwork coaching can help you accomplish family, team or
organizational goals. Soulwork can help you:
- maintain a clear vision that encourages people to align
with you
- create an environment where people want to be
responsible
- clearly describe what is necessary for quality
performance
- transfer responsibility to the people who do
the work
- develop individual capability and competence
- set an example and challenge people to continually learn
|
Viktor Frankl
Man's Search for Meaning |
Ultimately, man should not ask
for the meaning of his life, but recognize that
it is he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life; and he
can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life
he can only respond by being responsible. |
Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training?
Do you want to coach people to resolve emotional and relationship challenges?
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002, 2005 All rights
reserved. |
