Your relationships can only be as
fulfilling as your maturity Are you becoming wiser and more mature each
year? Or are you reliving your youth ... or even your childhood? If you
have an adult body and a child's emotional maturity, you can, and often
will, create chaos.
Your relationships reflect your maturity. If you want
to improve your relationships and the quality of your life, first
consider if you have really grown up.
- Your age indicates how many years your
body has been alive.
- Your intellectual quotient (IQ) compares
your intelligence to your age.
- Your social maturity compares your social
development to your age.
- Your emotional maturity compares your
emotional maturity to your age.
You may have little control over your chronological age
and IQ; however you can develop your social and
emotional maturity. Emotional maturity is difficult for children and for
those who habitually excuse themselves, justify mistakes and blame others. You can improve your social
skills and emotionally
maturity with Soulwork systemic coaching.
How old are you emotionally?
Compare your behavior to emotional immaturity and
emotional maturity. If you find yourself more on the immaturity side,
you can use systemic coaching to help you evolve. If you
find yourself on the maturity side, consider becoming a Soulwork coach.
Balance and maturity go hand in hand.
Immature people may demand immediate gratification.
They cannot wait. They may seem thoughtless and impulsive. They may be
loyal only while you are useful. They have chaotic social and
||Love is need. Demands affection and love but
avoids any sign of "weakness" and has difficulty showing
and accepting love.
||Love is sharing. Fosters a sense
of security which allows vulnerability and sharing. Can express
love and accept expressions of love.
||Cannot handle frustration or criticism;
jealous, unwilling to forgive, fluctuating moods. Temper
tantrums. Fears change.
||Use emotions as energy
sources. When they feel frustrated, they seek solutions.
||Avoids and denies bills and
relationship problems which demand integrity. Seeks people to blame.
||Confronts and analyzes problems
promptly. Seeks solutions and chooses the best.
|Give & Take
||May be willing to give, but not take; or
willing to take, but not give.
||Gives money, time, or effort to
enhance the quality of life of loved people. Allows others to
give to them.
||Does not learn from experience. Good or bad
experiences are caused by luck, or fate. Little personal
||Life is a learning experience.
They accept responsibility and learns from feedback.
Looks for opportunities. Moves on.
||Avoids reality, pessimistic, angry, attacks
people when frustrated. Often anxious.
||Relaxed and confident in their ability
to get what they want.
||Dependent, easily influenced, indecisive, or
snap judgments. Is not responsible for own actions or
deficiencies. Hyper-sensitive to criticism but insensitive to
||Independent or a team-worker as
required; cooperative. Can experience
true empathy, required for successful relationships.
Immature adults are not children not teenagers. They are
often self-centered and selfish adults. They may have little regard for
others. They may be preoccupied with their own feelings and symptoms. They
may demand your constant attention, sympathy and compliments. They may
avoid participation if they can't have their own way or be the best. They may
be obsessed with impressing people.
Teenagers & Emotional Maturity
Teenage years can be difficult. Teens may feel
overwhelmed by their emotional and physical changes. Many teens face
pressures from friends, teachers, parents and relatives. They may want
to comply, they may want to impress - and they may want to rebel ...
simultaneously. They may be confused.
Demanding that teens act like mature adults is
premature. They need a safe space to explore. Teenage years are a time
of transition. Many teens struggle with their dependence while wanting
independence. They may experiment with clothing, behaviors, ideas and
values ... as they try to define their identity and life goals. Systemic
coaching can accelerate the formation of identity and life goals.
How can you help Teenagers?
Communicate your values, expectations and limits.
Teens decide how they feel about themselves in large part by how parents
react to them. Perhaps insist on honesty, self-control and respect,
while allowing teenagers their own space. Communicating love is your
single most important action.
Avoid focusing only on problems. Avoid complaining and
criticism. Praise appropriate behavior. Give teens positive, caring
feedback. Consider getting systemic coaching for yourself and your teen.
Teenagers, especially those with family problems, may
risk harmful behavior. Some warning signs of teen problems are:
- Weight gain or loss
- Drop in marks or grades
- Trouble concentrating
- Melancholy or sadness
- Not caring about people or things
- Obsession with morbid (blood & guts)
- Fatigue, low energy, little motivation
- Low sense of self-worth
- Trouble sleeping or waking up
Don't just hope that problems will go away. Talk to
the teen and listen carefully. It is easier to cope with problems when
they are small. You and your teen can learn how to work through problems
together. Strive to be a role model for mature behavior. If you need
help, consider Soulwork systemic coaching.
Practical Emotionally Maturity
Search for a meaning in life that gives you a
perspective of humanity, not mere self-interest. It should provide goals
for you to strive for. Build a character that gives inner strength and
makes life meaningful. If you enhance and enrich, not only your life,
but the lives of others, you'll find a deep satisfaction that is
available only to the emotionally mature.
Learn to understand and accept yourself. Ask
significant people to provide candid feedback about your behavior. Try
to see yourself as others see you. Avoid being defensive, face reality
and deal with it.
Practice being unselfish. Notice how it feels and how
others respond. Compare the difference with how others react to
your selfishness. Which reaction do you prefer?
Cooperate to find "win-win" solutions to conflicts.
Avoid dominating others. If a solution to a problem isn't good for both
of you, it won't be good for your relationship.
Evaluate your friends and social contacts. Avoid people and
situations which bring out your worst. Instead, expose yourself to
people and situations which bring out your best. Your willingness to
accept responsibility is a basis for your self-respect.
Systemic Coaching can help you enjoy a sense of
life that is only available to the emotionally mature.
Maturity . Soul Mentorship
. Emotional Intelligence
Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2005. All rights reserved