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Emotional Issues
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Are you Growing Up or Growing Old?
Solve Childish & Teenage Problems Martyn Carruthers

Online Help: Coaching & Counseling for Maturity

Your relationships can only be as fulfilling as your maturity allows.
Are you trying to extend your youth ... or your childhood?
Immature adults often create relationship problems.

Continued from: Emotional Maturity 1

Your life reflects your maturity. If you want to improve your success, your health or your happiness, consider if you have grown up - or if you have just grown older.

  1. Your physical age indicates how many years your body has been alive.
  2. Your social maturity compares your social development to your physical age.
  3. Your intellectual quotient (IQ) compares your intelligence to your physical age.
  4. Your emotional maturity compares your emotional skills to your physical age.

You can improve your physical health and your IQ, your social awareness and your maturity. Maturity is a challenge for people who habitually complain, make excuses, justify mistakes and blame others.

Emotional Coaching for Maturity

Compare your behavior with that of people whom you consider to be immature and mature. If you find yourself more on the immature side, we can help you evolve. If you find yourself on the mature side, consider becoming a systemic coach!

Immature people often demand immediate gratification and have trouble waiting. They may seem thoughtless, moody and impulsive, with endless relationship problems.

  Immature Mature
Love Love is need. Demands affection but avoids showing weakness except as a ploy. Has difficulty sharing and accepting love. Love is sharing. Fosters a sense of security which allows vulnerability, honesty and strength. Can express and accept love.
Emotions Cannot handle frustration or criticism; jealous and moody. May have temper tantrums and fear any change. Use emotions as motivation. When frustrated, they set goals and seek solutions.
Reality Avoids and denies money and relationship problems which require integrity. Seeks people to accuse and blame. Confronts and analyzes problems promptly. Seeks many solutions and chooses the best. Accepts responsibility.
Give & Take May be willing to give, but not take; or willing to take, but not give. Increases the quality of life of loved people. Accepts appropriate help with pleasure.
Feedback Does not learn from experience. Pleasant or unpleasant experiences are called luck or fate. Little personal responsibility. Life is learning. Accepts responsibility and learns from feedback. Looks for opportunities to grow, to love and to share. Moves on.
Stress Avoids reality. Pessimistic & angry. Attacks when frustrated. Often anxious. Relaxed and confident in their ability to solve problems, plan and achieve their goals.
Relating Dependent, easily influenced and impulsive. Avoids responsibility for actions or deficiencies. Sensitive to criticism, but often insensitive to others' feelings. Independent, team-worker or manager as required. Cooperative. Experiences empathy, and compassion. A good friend, colleague, partner and parent.

Immature people are often self-centered, egotistic and selfish adults. They may have little regard for others and be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings. They may demand constant attention, sympathy or compliments. They may avoid participation if they can't be special. They may obsess about impressing you.

Teenagers & Maturity

Teenagers are no longer children but not yet adults. If unprepared, they may feel overwhelmed by their emotional and physical changes. They may be hormones with legs - under pressure from friends, teachers and relatives. They may want to comply, they may want to impress and they may want to rebel ... simultaneously.

Teens need a safe space to explore this transition. Many teens struggle with their dependence while desperately wanting independence. They may experiment with clothing, behaviors, ideas and values as they try to define their identities and goals. They may swing between selflessly idealistic and selfishly irresponsible.

We coach parents to help their teenage children accelerate the formation of their adult identities, adult emotional reality and adult goals.

How can you help Teenagers?

Communicate your values, expectations and limits. Teens decide how they feel about themselves in large part by how their parents react to them. Perhaps insist on honesty, self-control and respect, while allowing teenagers their own space. The most important parental behaviors are often acceptance, enthusiasm and boundaries.

Avoid focusing only on problems. Avoid complaining and criticism. Praise appropriate behavior. Give teens positive, caring feedback. Consider asking for our coaching for yourself and your teen - simultaneously. We can coach you both to look forward towards achieving your goals, we can help you turn your dreams into reality.

Warning Signs

Teenagers, especially teens in unstable families, risk harmful behavior and lasting damage. Some warning signs of teenage problems are:

  • Quickly bored
  • Weight gain or loss
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Drop in marks or grades
  • Low sense of self-worth
  • Trouble sleeping or waking up
  • Not caring about people or things
  • Fatigue, low energy, little motivation

Don't just hope that teen problems will just go away. Talk to teens and listen carefully. It is easier to manage problems when the problems are small. You and your teens can learn to work through problems together. Strive to be a role model for mature behavior. Contact us to manage your own negative emotions and relationship problems.

Practical Maturity

Your emotional maturity can rapidly develop, although some researchers claim that it is fixed and unchangeable. It seems to depend on the beliefs of the researchers and on how motivation and maturity are measured.

Search for a sense of life that helps you develop your maturity and define worthwhile goals. If you enrich your life and the lives of others, you can find a satisfaction that seems to be reserved for the emotionally mature.

Do you want to ...

  1. Understand and accept yourself. We can offer candid feedback about your life, so that you can see yourself as others see you. We can help you accept reality and deal with it.

  2. Practice being unselfish, notice how people respond to you differently and compare the responses with how people react to your selfishness. Which reactions do you prefer?

  3. Find win-win solutions to conflicts and avoid dominating or manipulating other people. If a solution to a problem isn't good for both of you, it probably won't be good for either of you.

  4. Evaluate the reactions of your friends and social contacts and notice which situations which bring out your best ... and your worst.

We can coach you to manage negative emotions and solve relationship problems.

Contact us to solve emotional issues and gain
a sense of life that is only available to the emotionally mature.

Online Help: Coaching & Counseling for Maturity

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2005-2018
All rights reserved

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
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For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email