Few recovery programs work. The
effects of recovery programs rarely last. Changing thoughts and behaviors is is
not enough. Willpower, hypnotic programming and prayer rarely provide lasting
results, and psychoactive drugs often only delay a relapse.
Who is the "I" that is you?
Many emotional outbursts, compulsions and other problematic
habits indicate identity loss, in which
people lose their sense of self, or lose access to important talents or
qualities, following some sort of abuse or trauma. Thereafter, those people may
habitually act and react in robot-like ways, as if some parts of
themselves were not present ... or preoccupied with something else ...
I help people manage emotions and improve relationship skills.
I help people manage identity loss, codependence, etc ... and
recover their sense of life.
Identity Loss, Mood Disorders & Emotions
Although moods are part of life, mood extremes are associated with
delusions, psychosis and hallucinations. For many years, doctors have
assumed that medications can manage mood disorders (such as manic-depression),
although medications normalize only 25% of people with mood disorders.
By moods, I refer to lasting emotional states.
Moods can last a few hours, while emotions generally last a few seconds
to a few minutes. As part of my work, I notice the expression of
inappropriate emotions and the lack of appropriate emotions.
In our systemic diagnosis (which has nothing to
do with DSM), bonds refer to deep beliefs
and emotions that bond people together. Identification
refers to the unconscious acceptance of a dominant personality
(think - possessed). By lost identity I refer to
severe chronic dissociation (imagine a physics professor solving
a complex problem) and identity conflict refers to chronic
mood swings (think - classic ideas of split personality).
Indications of identity loss include chronic
emotional expressions, chronic conflict, chronic dissociation
and chronic age regression (behaves like emotional children).
But other factors can trigger strong emotions, including:
- Stress, fatigue & overwork
- Drugs, medications, food sensitivities
- Loss, or threat of loss, of important
relationships or possessions
- Untreated diseases or physiology changes
(e.g. weight gain or loss)
How do you maintain relationships with volatile people? Emotional
outbursts often trigger emotional reactions in other people. The most
common emotional responses seem to indicate threat avoidance, denial
and personality identification.
- Ego: One's value or contributions are
belittled or minimized
- Imminent: Perceived imminent danger
in the immediate environment
- Environment: Risk of being displaced
or removed from one's environment
- Success: If a success seems somehow
dangerous, sabotage own success
- Loss: Something may be lost: relationships,
things, power, title, recognition, etc
- Position: Membership of an important
group (family or team etc) is threatened
- Denial: Pretending that problems do not exist
- Generalizing: Avoiding specific parts of problems
- Flight: Physically or emotionally distancing
- Minimizing: Acknowledging problems but not
- Attacking: Becoming irritable or aggressive
to avoid discussions
- Excusing: Recognizing a problem but denying
responsibility for it
- Blaming: Recognizing problems but ascribing
responsibility to others
- Avoiding: Changing discussion or thoughts to
avoid threatening topics
3) Personality Identification
Personality identification seems to follow systemic rules and
symptoms of identification can be easily perceived, once you
become aware of them. A person who has identified with a victim
is generally angry and suspicious and may annoy or torment people.
A person who has identified with a dead person is usually sad or
melancholic, and may obsess about death; and a person who has
identified with a perceived hero is generally fearful
or anxious and may avoid any type of change.
Do you feel that something
or somebody is in or around or close to you that somehow
directs your behavior and may feel protective?
Do you feel a sense of guidance
and protection - or do you feel an invading entity?
An identified person feels most intensely when expressing
the unexpressed emotions of a role model. These emotional expressions
may come as a massive relief, although perhaps with awareness of unpleasant
consequences to come. An identified person may describe being "right
in a wrong world".
You said that my symptoms indicated
that I might have identified with a dead person
... yes, my dead grandpa
felt totally "me" - he felt more me than myself.
4) Identity Conflict
Many people act as if they have inner conflict.
People who can manage many tasks simultaneously are praised for
this ability. Yet a person with identity conflict may feel normal,
just and right, even when switching between two personalities.
This deep conflict seems to be how a person (usually as a child)
makes sense of two powerful but conflicting influences - usually
I would often make decisions or promises in one mood,
and then forget, deny or rescind my decisions or promises.
If you have symptoms of identity conflict, you
- not focus on one thing for more than a few minutes
- forget promises or deny decisions made yesterday or
- have profound mood swings (that other people
notice more than you)
These symptoms are so common that they may be
difficult to notice. If more severe, these mood swings (between
two sides or parts of a conflicted person) may be
diagnosed as bipolar disorder (manic-depression) or as
intermittent anxiety disorders. See my transcript:
5) Lost Identity
Do you feel empty, hollow
and devoid of emotion? Do your work and family life
feel empty or robotic? Do you
set your own goals, or do you only follow directions
of other people,
or of "voice-like" thoughts?
- You have little or no internal motivation
- You cannot define your own goals or outcomes
- You express few or no emotions and feel dissociated
If you look for these behaviors, they can become easy to
perceive. You probably know some people who are so preoccupied
with their daydreams that they have trouble making practical decisions.
6) Many Limiting Beliefs are Relationship Bonds
Many limiting beliefs bond or motivate people to
stay in relationships. Weaker relationship bonds include shared memories.
Stronger bonds are shared beliefs and values, and the strongest bonds
seem to share identity. As relationship bonds motivate impulsive
behavior, obsessions and compulsions, such bonds are often substitutes
for identity. (For more, see bonds.)
We help people change negative emotions,
limiting beliefs and unwanted habits.
Contact us to change emotions, manage moods and improve relationships
Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Training
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © 2001-2018
by Martyn Carruthers. All rights reserved.