Separating is part of a relationship ... sooner or later.
Contact us for help separating and recovering peacefully.
Saying "Goodbye" to Inappropriate
Have you ever liked someone but you felt that
the relationship wasn't right for a long term relationship? Or
do you want to end a long-term relationship right now? Are you
wasting too much time and energy? Do you love an
unavailable person? Perhaps you manage a team and it's time to
break it up. Can you say Goodbye and move on?
We were together for ten years
... during our sessions I realized that my affairs helped me stay
with my partner! Affairs were my safety valve for my emotions. Without
my affairs we wouldn't have stayed together nearly so long! Montreal
We help people solve partnership and team problems and sometimes
we help couples and teams separate peacefully.
People often follow predictable steps as they cope with a
(See also Divorce Coaching).
People who find that separation is terribly
stressful rarely know how to say Goodbye. Some people,
especially those who felt abandoned or rejected as children, may
feel stuck for years! We help people evaluate, change and end
inappropriate relationships ... as mature adults.
We had so much potential - but after
five years I felt that I would go crazy if we stayed together. I worked
hard to better myself but my partner didn't want to change.
You helped us disconnect so peacefully ... I'm still amazed. London
It's not a question of willpower, its a question of
congruence. Do all parts of you want to say Goodbye? (Probably
not, or you wouldn't be reading this!) Maybe some parts of you still love,
or are entangled with the person you are leaving. We can help you find
emotional freedom and move on with your
Healthy Partnership - or Crisis?
In Western countries, over half of first marriages end in divorce,
and even more second or subsequent partnerships end with
separation. Ignoring partnership conflicts is unhealthy and expensive.
Learn some signs of a partnership in crisis ... and wake up!
|Partners show appreciation
and gratitude to each other
||One or both are often
dissociated, irritated, depressed or critical
|Partners respond to most
verbal and nonverbal communications
||One or both ignore, avoid
or shorten most communications
|Partners review events
in their history
||They rarely review their
|Partners greet after time
apart and ask about each other's activities and other news
||They rarely interact when
together, without even silent intimacy
|Partners enjoy meeting
each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment
||One or both often ignore or
even criticize the other's goals and needs
|Partners discuss goals
and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared meanings.
||They rarely discuss
goals, values or dreams
|Partners share meals and
||They often eat or clean
|Partners prefer to go out
||They generally prefer
to go out alone
|Partners create projects
which require committed cooperation
||One or both often avoid,
ignore or give small attention to shared projects
|They wish to stay together
to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness
||One or both want to separate
but cannot because of guilt, fear or other constraints
|They respect most of each
other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences
||One or both show contempt
for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes
|Partners want happiness
||One or both prefer
to be alone
Where are healthy role models for saying "Goodbye"?
Many people seem to copy how television or movie actors end their fake
relationships. Many people repeat the drama of their parents,
relatives and friends. Clever people get quality coaching.
Say "Goodbye" to speed Recovery
Some people not only lack training and experience in partnership,
many hardly suspect that such partnership skills even exist. Immature
people often say that happy couples are lucky and that
unhappy couples are just unlucky.
You helped us break up peacefully ... he
worked with you later ... he has changed
so much that I want him back ...
but now I am with another man! Dover
Most relationship problems seem to begin long before a
partnership! Not only do many people lack training, they carry
emotional baggage from
past disappointments. Unresolved emotional problems can sabotage
your present and future happiness!
If you are considering ending an intimate relationship
or partnership, especially with someone you still have strong feelings for,
it doesn't have to be so unpleasant. Your questions may include:
- Can we still be friends?
- How can I effectively end contact?
- How can I find another intimate partner?
- How can I deal with my and his/her pain?
- What can I do if this person threatens me?
- What can I do with my memories and dreams?
- What about this stuff that he or
she left with me?
- How can I deal with feelings of loneliness or
- What can I do if he/she acts childishly or
plays victim games?
- How much more time do I want to invest
in this relationship?
Avoid saying, “It’s me, not you”, during a break-up.
Although this may seem easier than telling someone that he or
she is inappropriate or immature; if you allow the other
person to understand who you are and what you want, you will
likely feel more mature and confident later.
Avoid blaming the other person ... or yourself. Try to
be truthful, tactful ... and blunt. Remember your reasons for
leaving. Explain clearly until the other person seems
to get it. Remain strong - avoid
to get what you want.
Infatuation, Disenchantment & Recovery
Unlike love, infatuation reaches a peak and then diminishes.
Reality intrudes when couples make ordinary, everyday decisions.
While love can grow as partners fulfill responsibilities together,
romantic fantasies may be threatened by daily chores, in which
infatuation is replaced by boredom. Contact us to evaluate your
partnership and to explore your options for recovery.
My boyfriend was wonderful, but when he
moved in with me he became demanding and childish ... I wanted him to leave
for two years but he acted like a needy child and I couldn't kick him out.
Our work set me free ... he is gone ... Honolulu
Complaining and Nagging
Motivation to separate often concerns complaints, conflicts and
arguments. While all couples disagree sometimes, healthy partners
manage their conflicts quickly or benefit from our coaching.
Many people focus on their logical or emotional impact of their
arguments - rather than on seeking solutions that increase intimacy.
After six years of marriage I hadn't the
energy to argue about stupid and petty things ... instead I traveled a lot ... I
worked late ... my work was friendlier than my home.
Since your couple counseling we have a new start ... Croatia
Separation ... What can you learn? How can you benefit?
You display your maturity
when you communicate. Do you criticize your ex-partner? Do you complain
about your ex to anyone who might listen? How you behave
when a relationship ends often sets a pattern for your next
You helped us end some horrible fights in
our marriage. You helped us really see each other, and you provoked us to tell
each other how we both want to express and receive love.
Thank you so much. Switzerland
After separation, mature adults often choose a relationship-free
period; while dependent people seek new relationships and immature
people obsess about revenge and punishment. A failed partnership does not mean
that either partner is a failure. Contact us if you want better relationships.
Online Couple Coaching, Relationship Counseling &
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
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