We offer coaching, counseling and mentorship on partnerships
and other relationships.
breakdown, how do you communicate with your ex-partner?
Truth or Consequences
Relationship decisions often have strong consequences.
Whenever you start, change or end a relationship, whether with a friend or a
colleague; with a partner or a team, the consequences may surprise
you. Yet most relationship consequences are predictable.
If you have hurt someone, perhaps by abandoning, betraying
or cheating that person, you may suffer a burden of guilt that can depress your future
relationships ... and your life. The burden of guilt usually reflects the type of
relationship, the closeness and the severity of damage that you have
We coach people to behave with integrity, to act appropriately with respect
and courtesy, to build peace and self-respect that empowers relationships and
enhances life. We also help people change unpleasant entanglements and beliefs.
Although psychoactive drugs can help you
temporarily avoid negative emotions, we can help you sort out the
mess. You can learn to enjoy a sense of lasting pleasure.
It's not fair!
You started learning relationship skills in your early family. Perhaps your family were warm and loving,
and you learned respect and dignity. Or perhaps you
grew up in a home where criticism, victimization and demands were
normal, or where happiness was viewed with suspicion.
Although your early family will still influence
you today, your actions and reactions can be your own.
Although you may be emotionally entangled with other family
members, your decisions and the consequences of your decisions are
Consequences rarely care how good were your
intentions. And other people must deal with the consequences
of your decisions, as you sort out your
Perhaps life is not fair - but if you are motivated to develop yourself and if you are responsible
for your life, we can help you change your relationship habits.
Mind your Body - Embody your Mind
Research by developmental specialists indicates:
- Your emotional, physical and neurological
development took place simultaneously in your childhood and
adolescence, and are linked within your emotional
can change one by changing another.)
- Your "body-mind" organizes and synchronizes
adaptive patterns in your nervous, immune, endocrine, sensory,
neuropeptide, cognitive, and emotional systems. (You
can change your life by changing your emotional intelligence.)
- Your senses (vision, hearing, balance,
smell-taste, touch) filter your sensory information. (You can control stress
by organizing your sensory information.)
- You store emotions as neuro-peptides in your
nerve tissue. (You can activate your neural networks to access
and change your emotions.)
- Your emotions are encoded in state-dependent
learning. (You can review, update and integrate your emotional memories
to match your present conditions.)
- Your emotions reflect your history, trauma and defense
can change no-longer-appropriate responses that you learned in
childhood and adolescence.)
- Your emotional update will reflect your development from
conception onwards. (You can utilize and
change your subjective structure of time.)
We help people sort out emotions, family
dynamics and interpersonal behavior to identify and change
inappropriate childish reactions. You can increase your pleasure of life
by stabilizing your emotions, changing behavior and dissolving the consequences
of abuse and trauma.
Emotional Intelligence, Guilt & Depression
When your partnership ended, were you being honest and loving?
Were you demonstrating with words and actions that your partner was a priority,
that you cared for and wanted to be with him or her? If so - you probably know
that you did your best. If not, you may feel guilty now for your lack of action.
If you feel that you have hurt an ex-partner,
guilt is likely to depress your life until you manage it.
If you feel that you were deliberately hurt by a partner, anger is likely to
motivate some sort of revenge - and then you can feel depressed.
Here are some common ways that people depress their lives:
- Ignore important details or problems
- Avoid completing your essential tasks
- Do things that create relationship problems
- Avoid balancing or keeping track of your finances
- Procrastinate, even when know what you have to do
- Alienate your family members and people who support you
We coach people to sort out
depression and other emotional and relationship issues.
Emotional Intelligence & Maturity
You expose your emotional intelligence in every
relationship. Your communication and social skills reflect
your perception of yourself and of others. Your behavior
produces ongoing feedback about your moods, thoughts, fantasies, beliefs,
values and insights; and about your identity and purpose.
Hiding or suppressing emotions can trigger pain centers in the brain.
Events that trigger strong emotions and psychosomatic symptoms can trigger your
internal memories. Your emotions can create
feelings of anxiety, threat, discomfort and even a sense of 'impending disaster'.
You can educate yourself to focus on pleasure
instead of pain. You can experience pleasure as a feeling of
"everything is okay" or "everything is
possible" or "I am where I should be" etc.
Illusions of happiness (e.g. psychoactive drugs) are short-term and can result in stress or depression. Your long-term joyful
subjective reality requires an experience of acceptance and acknowledgement that supports your
appropriate actions and reactions within your objective reality. We can help
Contact us to untangle from
your parents' lives and your ancestors' drama ...
and build your life based on emotional freedom - not on emotional bondage.
Online Systemic Coaching, Counseling &
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2003-2018
All rights reserved.