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Deconditioning, Deprogramming & Exit Coaching
Recover your life Martyn Carruthers, 2002

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

We offer coaching and counseling on exit coaching, cults,
dissolving fixations, obsessions and emotional bonds.
This also applies to relationship addictions.

Are you Involved with a Cult?

Words like extremist, cult and sect can be difficult to define. Many businesses, militaries, government agencies and professional associations can be described as extremist by non-supporters. Members of human systems such as political parties, religions, philosophies or even marketing organizations may describe competing organizations as deviant cults or regressive sects.

Cults promote a new religion or a new interpretation of an established religion,
while sects are groups that have broken away from an established religion, often
in protest against what they see as corruption or impure doctrine ...

Encyclopedia Encarta

Cults hate Competition

Abrupt and sometimes frightening personality changes may indicate involvement with radical, extremist or fundamental groups that use psychological techniques (often called brainwashing or mind control), to recruit and keep members. This article is for people who want to leave extremist political, religious, military or commercial organizations (e.g. multi-level marketing), or dysfunctional families - but their leaving is resisted by other members - often by emotional bonds, harassment, blackmail and threats. (Some organizations call their obsessions patriotism and try to criminalize alternate points of view.)

Our exit coaching is for people who are involved - or whose friends or family are involved - in groups that use psychological coercion, programming or hypnosis to increase and maintain their membership. Exit coaching is also available for people leaving academic and military organizations, who must reorient to a less regulated and more competitive life. Many students with advanced degrees and many career military personnel often have problems orienting to the world of civilian life.

We support people who are rescuing themselves from cults and to people who are mentally and emotionally readjusting to a healthy life - or at least to normal living.

The people most likely to prefer extremist organizations and cults seem to be those who grew up in families typified by codependent behavior (e.g. addictions, obsessions, victimization, suicide, etc). Our exit counseling is for people who want to leave cult-like organizations ... but somehow cannot ...

Abusive Trainers . Abusive Relationships . Spiritual Abuse

Toxic Beliefs & Relationship Bonds

Most conditioning involves installing elitist beliefs, for example: "We are special", "Anyone who harasses us is insane" and "Criticism is evidence of regression". Many cult-like organizations attempt to place cult leaders (living or dead) as high-authority parents in the minds of their members.

Many people explore the philosophies and religions
of the world, searching for genuine experiences of
or being parented, or both.
People from dysfunctional families might find such offers irresistible

Cult members often call each other Brother or Sister, and may refer to the leaders as Mother or Father. Cult leaders often discourage close connections to family and former friends, to avoid dealing with other points of view. Members may be encouraged to feel guilt if they even consider leaving their new family.

Psychological Operations . Soul Cult? . Parental Alienation

Escape from Invisible Prisons

Brainwashing is a propaganda word. Cult brainwashing can be more accurately described as a combination of persuasion, propaganda, marketing, conditioning and restricted access to information. Many marketers, governments, schools and even parents use similar, if more subtle, techniques.

Cult conditioning was once fought with deconditioning and deprogramming, which are now associated with illegal, coercive techniques used to counter brainwashing. These often-criminal methods included abduction, sleep deprivation, sensory overload, condemnation, isolation and physical confinement.

Although some ex-cult-members have said that these methods released them from invisible prisons, others sued the deprogrammers. Coercive deprogramming involves legal and psychological risks, and we do not support nor recommend those methods.

Our research into relationship bonds has generated safer alternatives. Our exit counseling and coaching helps distressed and isolated adults end sick relationships and rebuild healthy relationships.

I asked you for help to leave <organization> and I am pleased with your approach. You did not try to make me do or think anything, you helped me explore my choices and my consequences. You showed me that I had accepted the leaders as substitutes for my parents and that I often acted like a young, obedient child. Singapore

Exit Coaching

Cult-conditioning is likely to be both emotional and anti-intellectual. Activities often involve slogans (mantras) and rituals, and avoid rational analysis. Our exit coaching helps people evaluate and change emotionally charged relationships, while assisting them to evaluate factual information about the group they wish to leave.

Our exit coaching is for adults who want to change. It is gentle, direct, intensive and time-limited. It emphasizes respectfully sharing information, and it should not be rushed. We help people regain their freedom of thought and action.

We help people during office visits, by telephone and Skype. The time often depends on a person's motivation to live in the community and culture which they prefer. If people dislike their previous communities and cultures, we may help them research which healthy communities they may enjoy joining.

When we help people heal relationships, we respect each person's values, and
honor each person's wisdom. We find that people make intelligent choices
when they know what is possible and potential consequences
and they are not entangled in limiting beliefs.

If a cult controls the members' finances and possessions, then legal expertise may be required. If a group is pro-active about polygamy or unprotected sex, then the consequences of sexually transmitted diseases and/or unwanted pregnancies and/or abortions and/or children may complicate all these issues.

We do not attempt to persuade people to leave cult-like associations.
We do not try to rescue people who do not want to be rescued!
We help motivated adults change toxic relationships.

Our exit counseling is for people who want to end entanglement with a group, their leaders, their beliefs or their activities. We help people who want to enjoy
emotional freedom. Contact us if you want to choose your own life.

Online Systemic Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2002-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email