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We present
demonstration-rich workshops on systemic coaching, systemic family
therapy, toxic family secrets and relationship bonds.
Email us if you might be interested in a workshop in your area.
Where are you now?
As a Soulwork coach, you will often be asked to
mediate family conflicts and quarrels. To do this, you will need
systemic diagnosis skills - and
individual, couple and family coaching skills.
Individual coaching is good preparation
for the more complex couple coaching - and couple coaching
is good preparation for the more demanding family coaching.
Ideally, you will have already provided 2000 hours of individual systemic coaching and
a few months of systemic couple coaching.
Ideally you
will have endless experience and calm authority. Your first goal is to stay
resourceful as you assess family chaos. This is much easier if you have
an effective plan or a proven flowchart.
[
Systemic Family Therapy - Flowchart . More on
Family Coaching ]
Systemic Coaching & Families
What is a family system? A useful
definition is an entity of semi-independent people who maintain
equilibrium by predictable actions. A sick child, for example, may motivate
family members to solve problems; the family may avoid conflict until
the child's health improves.
Systemic coaching solves whatever stops people
solving their own problems. Systemic couple coaching helps partners resolve
partnership issues - and family coaching implies partners with children. If the children are
deeply troubled, individual coaching for them or for their parents
may not resolve whole-family dynamics. The momentum of individual habits and
family traditions may be strong.
[
Systemic Diagnosis . Emotional
Incest . Family
Coaching ]
Where do you start?
We usually meet each parent or guardian
first - alone - for individual systemic coaching. Sometimes this is enough for
the whole family to change. For example if a family victim
ceases being a victim - everybody else changes their roles
quite fast. We may invite the partners for couple coaching.
Often, systemic couple coaching is enough for partners to help
children build a healthy family.
[ Mother - Son Bonds
. Father - Daughter Bonds
. Sexual Affairs ]
First Family Coaching Session
The family may be wary. They may have hidden
agendas and they're wondering how much of their personal truths they're
willing to share. Even if they perceive you as an expert - they may be
scared you will expose some truth that they prefer to keep hidden.
And if they don't perceive you as an expert - they may
not show you their stuff. They may hide how bad
things are - their relationship habits and transference loops - unless they have some
confidence that you can help them through any problem or situation.
A good way to start is to describe your knowledge of
their situation ... "First your mother phoned me and said that she could
not cope. Then I met your mother and father together and then ... "
[
Family Coaching Flowchart .
Parent Coaching . Parental Alienation ]
Wishes & Requirements
Soulwork distinguishes between wishes
and requirements in relationships. Wishes are what we hope
for - things that are not essential. Requirements are usually essential for
a relationship to continue:
- Requirements are not negotiable.
- Requirements can be met or not. There is rarely much room
for doubt.
- Requirements have power; they are core to who you are and
what you want.
- Requirements are behavioral events, not
personal traits.
[ Goals &
Goalwork . Double Wishes
]
Questions that elicit Family Discussion
A family is often most alive and most
involved when they are fighting - or when they are solving a problem
- as a family. You can ask each member ...
- What are your responsibilities? How do you know
when you have fulfilled them?
- What are your needs? Are your needs
fulfilled?
- What do you do if your needs are not
fulfilled?
- How do you communicate your needs? How else can
you communicate?
If no external problems are exposed - you can be the problem.
You can provoke the family into
discussing how they can best deal with you!
[
Provocation & Provocative Coaching ]
Embedded Individual Coaching
During family coaching, some issues will be presented
that are individual or couple issues. These issues can resolved
with the family watching, or privately, depending on the
wishes of the family. Resolving an ancestral suicide or an abortion may be a
whole family issue, while coaching a couple to change their financial habits
may be private.
[
Individual Coaching Flowchart . Couple Coaching ]
Family Coaching Homework
Much Soulwork family coaching homework concerns
individual family members recognizing loops or finding appropriate
role models for certain
tasks or handling specific issues. The homework can be debriefed at the
start of the next session.
Systemic Coach Training
Enhance your career with life coaching and relationship
coaching skills. Soulwork training coaches you to coach people to gain clarity, dissolve success and relationship issues, and find a personal sense of life. You'll help people fulfill their dreams.
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