There trick to getting what you want -
is knowing what you want!
Successful people know the importance of setting
effective goals for themselves. Goals are one of your
most important tools.
Once you know what you want, you can focus on the steps that lead to success.
Sounds easy? We find that most people have relationship blocks
to getting what they want - and emotional blocks to even knowing what they want!
We can help you solve relationship problems and dissolve
that prevent you achieving your important goals.
Setting goals may sound easy ... just
remember what you want.
Yet defining useful
goals is rarely easy and many people avoid it.
How To Set Useful Goals
Defining goals may trigger objections, conflicts and beliefs,
and we can help you dissolve these issues. Then you can better decide which of your goals are essential,
and your required investment of your time, your energy and (often) your money.
Your goals will likely change as you resolve relationship
conflicts, emotional habits and toxic beliefs. Just because you wanted something
last year or last week doesn't mean you still want it.
Are your beliefs aligned with your goals - or is there
something missing? Do you feel that you can't ... that you don't
deserve ... that you are not committed enough? Such goals lead to inner conflict and
lower motivation as they will trigger
emotions and beliefs that you probably learned as a child.
Of do you believe that you can ... that you deserve
... that you really want ... that you are committed? Well defined
goals with supportive beliefs more often lead to the pleasure of success.
Stop Sabotaging your own
Here is a recipe for success:
- Define your goals
- Dissolve limiting beliefs
- Clarify your relationships
- Dissolve emotional trauma
- Attract healthy people to you
- Find inspirational mentorship
- Recover missing qualities and skills
Without these or similar steps, your goals are more likely to be
abstract, wishy-washy or conflicted. It's hard to think clearly or act
decisively in a fog of limiting beliefs, uncertain relationships or
Some simple questions may help you make a laundry list of what needs to
be cleaned up.
- Do you feel flexible or stuck?
- Do your goals seem close or far away?
- Have you been focused on abstract or negative goals?
- Do you jump from one goal to another without completing them?
- Do you feel frustrated watching others do what you know you can do?
Well-defined goals provide direction and motivation. Start sentences beginning
with I want .... Say your goals out loud and notice your
feelings. Your world may change.
Begin goal sentences with I want.... Try to avoid saying goals
like Its important that..., It would be nice if... or
People like me need.... Such goals reflect your life philosophy
or beliefs - not so much what
you want, but what you believe. For example, Its not
good to say what I want, If I say what you want I will
offend somebody or Whats the point I cant get it anyway.
Stating goals may require information that you do not know. You may
go into trance-like states as you consider your life goals as part of your
overall sense of life. We can help you sort it all out.
Evidence of success
Do you want a bigger home? More happiness? A romantic holiday? A newer car?
Such wishy-washy goals may dimly reflect your current desires.
Yet, if pursued, your goals will lead to profound questions of purpose and
meaning, and may reflect your life purpose or sense-of-life. A useful question for each
goal is, "What would CONVINCE you that
you have achieved this goal?"
What do you want NOW?
Do you habitually think about what you dont want? Perhaps you dont want to be
unhappy. This goal will likely accompany images and feelings of the unhappiness
that you do not want. Ask yourself instead, What do I want instead of being unhappy?
Do you habitually think about more or less?
If you want more money, this thought will likely accompany images and feelings of not having
enough money. If you want less anger - you may find yourself feeling irritated about some injustice.
How will you know if you are happy? "How will you know when
you have more money? If you habitually state negative goals or comparisons
- you may exclude important parts of yourself from your decisions.
You can include these parts of you by
focusing on and verbalizing what you do want.
What do you want NEXT?
Do you normally set double goals? Do
you want money and freedom? Do you want a university degree so that
you can find self-respect? Do you want someone to do something for you? A series
of double-goals may indicate deep inner conflict.
Can you put your goals into a sequence? Would having money lead to
freedom - or would having freedom lead to money? Can you
let go of cause-effect language? How else can you find self-respect?
Can you take responsibility? What benefit will
you gain if that someone does that something for you?
Some multiple wishes are mutually exclusive. For example, I want to be
happily married AND I want romantic affairs. I want to put all my
effort into building a business AND I want to travel around the world like a
In this case, find the advantages of achieving both goals
even if their simultaneous fulfillment is impossible! What would become
possible for you if you had already achieved both those goals?
Such questions can help you find more profound goals.
What EXACTLY do you want?
Maybe you want happiness, or love, or health. Abstract goals offer direction
but are unlikely to support much success. Do you know how you want to
achieve each goal? Do you know what will convince you that you have achieved
each goal? Do you know why each goal is important to you?
WHEN do you want this?
Do your goals have deadlines? Do you want to feel wonderful - sometime?
Do you want a healthy relationship - before you die? Even if you know exactly
what you want - if you do not choose a time frame, your chances for success
may lessen. Exactly when do you want your success?
We can help you define, plan and achieve your goals .
Coaching, Counseling and Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers,
1996-2017 All rights reserved