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Goals, Goalwork & Well-Formed Outcomes
Knowing What you Want © Martyn Carruthers 1996

Online Help: Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

There trick to getting what you want  -
is knowing what you want!

Successful people know the importance of setting achievable and
effective goals for themselves. Goals are one of your most important tools.
Once you know what you want, you can focus on the steps that lead to success.

Sounds easy? We find that most people have relationship blocks to getting what they want - and emotional blocks to even knowing what they want!

We can help you solve relationship problems and dissolve emotions that prevent you achieving your important goals.

Setting goals may sound easy ... just remember what you want.
Yet defining useful goals is rarely easy and many people avoid it.

How To Set Useful Goals

Defining goals may trigger objections, conflicts and beliefs, and we can help you dissolve these issues. Then you can better decide which of your goals are essential, and your required investment of your time, your energy and (often) your money.

Your goals will likely change as you resolve relationship conflicts, emotional habits and toxic beliefs. Just because you wanted something last year or last week doesn't mean you still want it.

Are your beliefs aligned with your goals - or is there something missing? Do you feel that you can't ... that you don't deserve ... that you are not committed enough? Such goals lead to inner conflict and lower motivation as they will trigger emotions and beliefs that you probably learned as a child.

Of do you believe that you can ... that you deserve ... that you really want ... that you are committed? Well defined goals with supportive beliefs more often lead to the pleasure of success.

Stop Sabotaging your own Success

Here is a recipe for success:

  1. Define your goals
  2. Dissolve limiting beliefs
  3. Clarify your relationships
  4. Dissolve emotional trauma
  5. Attract healthy people to you
  6. Find inspirational mentorship
  7. Recover missing qualities and skills

Without these or similar steps, your goals are more likely to be abstract, wishy-washy or conflicted. It's hard to think clearly or act decisively in a fog of limiting beliefs, uncertain relationships or unpleasant emotions.

Well-Defined Goals

Some simple questions may help you make a laundry list of what needs to be cleaned up.

  1. Do you feel flexible or stuck?
  2. Do your goals seem close or far away?
  3. Have you been focused on abstract or negative goals?
  4. Do you jump from one goal to another without completing them?
  5. Do you feel frustrated watching others do what you know you can do?

Well-defined goals provide direction and motivation. Start sentences beginning with “I want ...”. Say your goals out loud – and notice your feelings. Your world may change.

Begin goal sentences with “I want...”. Try to avoid saying goals like “It’s important that...”, “It would be nice if...” or “People like me need...”. Such goals reflect your life philosophy or beliefs - not so much what you want, but what you believe. For example, “It’s not good to say what I want”, “If I say what you want I will offend somebody” or “What’s the point – I can’t get it anyway”.

Stating goals may require information that you do not know. You may go into trance-like states as you consider your life goals as part of your overall sense of life. We can help you sort it all out.

Evidence of success

Do you want a bigger home? More happiness? A romantic holiday? A newer car? Such wishy-washy goals may dimly reflect your current desires.

Yet, if pursued, your goals will lead to profound questions of purpose and meaning, and may reflect your life purpose or sense-of-life. A useful question for each goal is, "What would CONVINCE you that you have achieved this goal?"

What do you want NOW?

Do you habitually think about what you don’t want? Perhaps you don’t want to be unhappy. This goal will likely accompany images and feelings of the unhappiness that you do not want. Ask yourself instead, “What do I want instead of being unhappy

Do you habitually think about more or less? If you want more money, this thought will likely accompany images and feelings of not having enough money. If you want less anger - you may find yourself feeling irritated about some injustice.

“How will you know if you are happy? "“How will you know when you have more money?” If you habitually state negative goals or comparisons - you may exclude important parts of yourself from your decisions. You can include these parts of you by focusing on and verbalizing what you do want.

What do you want NEXT?

Do you normally set “double” goals? Do you want money and freedom? Do you want a university degree so that you can find self-respect? Do you want someone to do something for you? A series of double-goals may indicate deep inner conflict.

Can you put your goals into a sequence? Would having money lead to freedom - or would having freedom lead to money? Can you let go of cause-effect language? How else can you find self-respect? Can you take responsibility? What benefit will you gain if that someone does that something for you?

Some multiple wishes are mutually exclusive. For example, “I want to be happily married AND I want romantic affairs”. “I want to put all my effort into building a business AND I want to travel around the world like a hippy”.

In this case, find the advantages of achieving both goals – even if their simultaneous fulfillment is impossible! What would become possible for you if you had already achieved both those goals? Such questions can help you find more profound goals.

What EXACTLY do you want?

Maybe you want happiness, or love, or health. Abstract goals offer direction but are unlikely to support much success. Do you know how you want to achieve each goal? Do you know what will convince you that you have achieved each goal? Do you know why each goal is important to you?

WHEN do you want this?

Do your goals have deadlines? Do you want to feel wonderful - sometime? Do you want a healthy relationship - before you die? Even if you know exactly what you want - if you do not choose a time frame, your chances for success may lessen. Exactly when do you want your success?

We can help you define, plan and achieve your goals .

Online Help: Coaching, Counseling and Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers, 1996-2018 All rights reserved

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

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Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email