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We present interactive and
demonstration-rich workshops on systemic coaching, guilty entanglements,
family secrets and relationship bonds. Email us if
you are interested in a workshop in your area.
Are you guilty or not guilty?
Words like love, betrayal and guilt are
difficult to define. For most people guilt refers to
unpleasant feelings. A feeling of guilt
may be connected to beliefs about injustice and to other disturbing feelings:
- You feel you are responsible for a person's pain
or suffering
- You feel regret for real or imagined
mistakes
- You feel remorse for egocentric, aggressive,
critical communications
- You fear retribution for
abusing or
violating someone
- You feel confusion for not responding to a
situation in your normal manner
- You feel sad about missed communications
with someone who
has died
- You feel frustrated when you see someone suffer
that you cannot help
Under your emotional reactions may be a sense of
justice that limits choice until the real or imagined
injustice has been amended. This sense of justice seems to be stronger than sense of life
or desire for happiness. Soulwork can help you resolve this.
If guilt is based on self-hatred
or denying reality, then guilt may lead to depression rather than to improvement.
We can help you end your guilt by dissolving relationship bonds and
entanglements.
Guilt, Manipulation & Influence
Guilt is a common and powerful tool used to
manipulate or influence people. Some people may manipulate you, and
perhaps you influence others. If manipulated by guilt,
you may believe:
- you are bad
- someone will suffer if you do not fulfill a
demand
- you must fulfill demands, even if you do not
want to
- you should feel bad for past, present or
future actions
- you are at fault for inaction, and you should
do anything to alleviate it
- you are responsible for all relationship
problems
- you must perform tasks or duties that are not
your responsibility
- you will suffer (jail, hospital, death, divorce,
...) if you do something
Avoid Guilt ... or Resolve Guilt?
Poor ways to avoid or control
guilt are:
- distract yourself or overwork
- ignore your needs and desires
- become overly sensitive to other's needs and
desires
- become perfectionist about your actions, words and
decisions
- feel so anxious that you
retreat to inactivity and silence
- avoid making decisions in case you are "wrong"
- ignore your wide spectrum of emotions and
feelings
You can also use guilt as a barometer of your need
to live your life based on rational thinking.
Guilt & Beliefs
We can help you change beliefs by which you may attempt to
rationalize your feelings.
- I do not deserve to be happy
- It is my fault if others are not happy
- I am responsible for my family's happiness
- I am responsible for anything happens to my
family
- I must not be happy when people expect me to
suffer
- I must always be responsible, conscientious
and caring
"I can't forgive myself"
Systemic coaching helps you check if your reasons for
feeling guilty are valid. And then we help you resolve any hurtful
decisions.
- Responsibility. Was it really
your responsibility or fault?
- Motivation. If you harm
someone, their suffering is a result of your actions.
- Analysis. Remorse can be
constructive if you learn from consequences
- Forgive. You will make
mistakes: if you don't make mistakes you are not normal
- Reality. If you can overcome
your feelings of guilt and shame
Guilt issues don't just go away. If you have hurt people,
for example a parent, a partner or a child, your guilt can depress your
life. It can trigger depression, lost "sense of
life", psychosomatic disease and even suicide. Systemic coaching can
help you ...
- ensure that you not repeat regretted actions
- balance your abuse, abandonment or betrayal in ways that
ends guilt
- change your behavior by changing your
communication or focus
- remedy any damage or consequences
- forgive yourself ... and forgive
others
Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? We can train you to coach individuals, partners and teams to resolve emotional, educational and relationship challenges.
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