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Systemic Psychology & Happiness
Happy Go Lucky © Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching , Counseling and Soulwork Training

Do you follow family traditions that you cannot be happier than your parents?
We can help you understand and heal toxic family traditions -
and we can train you to help other people.

You won't build a happy life unless you remember to be happy!

In ancient Greece, about 250 BC, Aristotle founded Western philosophy. He wrote that the highest form of knowledge is insight - because it's the only knowledge which leads to growth - and developing your potential leads to true happiness. Aristotle appeared to believed that many people are unhappy because they confuse "pleasure" with "happiness." Pleasure is about immediate gratification, while happiness is about long-term growth as a person - happiness is about nourishing your soul/self.

How can we follow this good advice from 2300 years ago? Has the human race changed in this time? We have more technology but the same bodies and minds.

Happiness: Being Happy

Most people search for what they believe they lack. Yet what they really seek is often what they overlook ... and undervalue. A search for wealth, especially if accompanied by guilt for hurting or cheating others, is a poor substitute for the state of well-being and contentment that we call being happy.

When you feel unhappy, do you know how to change?
We can help you find your lost or hidden qualities
and to change you beliefs, habits or relationships.

Like love, happiness has many meanings and synonyms. A dictionary might define happiness as a stable state of well-being. Happiness includes a sense of being in the right place, ranging from contentment to intense joy. Happiness refers to enjoyment of or pleasant satisfaction in life, with security and the ability to fulfill one's wishes.

Another definition of happiness: "a continued sense of delight, contentment, and joy emanating from a sense of self-goodness, sense of life and sense of destiny". This is worth watching ....

We find that happiness is different to fun. We use the word happiness to talk about long-term satisfaction, and the word fun to refer to short-term pleasurable distractions.

YOUR Happiness is YOUR Choice!

Early research on happiness described and compared the happiness of people in demographic groups such as sex, income, education, and age. In later research, theoretical models were explored that emphasized temperament, goal fulfillment, adaptation and social comparison.

We help people develop many types of long-term happiness:

  1. Clear goals and plans, without inner objections
  2. Clear relationships without guilty entanglements
  3. Living with integrity, without self-criticism or inner conflict
  4. Using your qualities, expertise and skills in service of life
  5. Healthy relationships without limiting beliefs or emotional bonds
  6. High motivation without unresolved emotional baggage
  7. Finding inspirational mentorship and ending toxic mentorship
  8. Enjoying partnership and inspiring children by living with integrity

Questions about sustaining relationship happiness have grown crucial,
given financial, social, and emotional costs accrued by frequent
partnership breakdown. Yet knowledge about constituents
of relationship happiness is sparse.
Dr Janet Reibstein

Relative Happiness

Lasting happiness seems to be about about quality relationships - including your relationship with yourself. Relationship happiness is about enjoying who you are and sharing yourself with other people.

Child happiness seems to revolve around being loved, exploring and preparing for independence. Adult happiness seems to balance between taking care of self and taking care of others.

Unhappy people are often obsessed with trying to change each other's behavior or deny each other's emotions. If you are responsible for your own happiness, you have no use for coercion. If you do not need to coerce others, you can fulfill your goals in ways that include freedom and independence.

If you take responsibility for your own happiness, you reduce the likelihood of coercing others. If other adults in your life share this assumption and establish rules based upon it, then you and they can enjoy independence and intimacy. Such independent intimacy is a strong basis for happy relationships.


  • "Each of us is responsible for our actions, reactions and use of resources."
  • "I am responsible for how I feel and how I use my time."
  • "We are together when we both want to be together."

Counter-examples may seem codependent and cult-like:

  • "Each of us is responsible for the actions and reactions of the others"
  • "People should not express unpleasant feelings"
  • "People must not spend time alone"

Such rules may satisfy people who prefer dependence or codependence, but could motivate healthy people to rebel and leave.

Relationship Intelligence

Authentic happiness includes everyday set-backs. We can help you explore your mistakes, symptoms and goals. You can enjoy shifting your sense of life direction.

We offer unique models of relationship coaching. What are your "gifts" in relationships? Explore the links between happiness, family history and everyday life. Explore your relationship intelligence. If you have a high relationship intelligence, you can listen to and understand people, and you know the elements of successful relationships.

You can increase your relationship intelligence. You can improve your integrity and honesty. You can affirm the worth of other people. You can commit to personal and relationship growth. You can recognize and solve communication problems. You can set boundaries.

You can identify and clarify core values, set priorities based on your core values, and make conscious choices to align with core values. And if you need help - we're here.

Online Coaching , Relationship Counseling and Systemic Training

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email