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Human Relationships & Online Systems Coaching
Relationship Ecology © Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Do you want to explore how your emotions influence your
relationships with your family, friends, co-workers and community?
Understanding relationship ecology can change your life!

Coaching & Counseling in Human Systems

Do you want to explore and use higher orders of cognition - systemic thinking and quantum thinking?

We offer coaching, counseling and training on solving emotional, behavioral and relationship problems.

When you are with other people, do you act differently than when you are alone? Do you act differently in different types of relationships? You are following rules that are semi-conscious at best. Much human behavior that may seem irrational or even insane can be both obvious and predictable when you know those rules.

Do you sometimes act like a parent to people who are not related to you? Or like a child? Do you sometimes act like a manager - with your family? Do you sometimes want time away from the people whom you love most?

Perceiving relationships from a systems perspective allows significant changes (paradigm shifts) in the way helping professionals diagnose and resolve mental health problems. A systemic diagnosis can expose underlying dynamics which, if not resolved, can be expressed as misery, disease, accidents and criminal behavior.

Our systems coaching is for people who wish to improve their relationship ecology - the appropriateness of the consequences of their actions upon their relationships. Successful relationship ecology leads to a sense of wellbeing and connectedness.

Systems Coaching & Relationship Ecology

Human systems are people who attempt to accomplish goals together. Many human systems include smaller groups that strive to achieve their own goals at the expense of the larger systems. (E.g.: an overly close relationship between a mother and son can alienate the son's father and disrupt the son's life ... perhaps for decades).

If human systems are perceived in terms of hierarchies and boundaries - then relationship problems will show similar hierarchies and boundaries. Sub-groups may sacrifice their members in the service of their goals - and some members may condemn or ignore systemic goals in favor of more selfish perspectives.

System Survival Some Systemic Goals
Humanity Human species Increase genetic diversity
Country National traditions Provide regions with national culture
Political Party Social power Provide communities with leadership
Religion Religious doctrine Provide communities with doctrinal support
Region Regional character Provide communities with bonding traditions
City Municipal services Provide communities with support services
Community Mutual Support Provide families with security and safety
School Knowledge & skills Provide children with skills for adulthood
Family Family traditions Provide children with skills for family harmony
Individual Physical body Protect body and create babies

Changing Human Systems

We use systems theories as a basis for identifying and interpreting relationship habits and for predicting the consequences to couples, families, teams and communities.

A family, team or community can include wonderful people who may operate well by themselves but do not integrate well. A systemic coach can recognize the systemic functions of a family, team or community members, and their interrelations, and can recognize the patterns of interaction. We focus on provoking behaviors that determine future goals - rather than just reacting to past disappointments.

Systems Theory, Systems Analysis & Systems Coaching

Systems theory, systems analysis and systems thinking are often ignored by helping professionals who prefer statistical models. Systems thinking helps people view the world, including its organizations, from a perspective of structures and patterns, rather than events. Our systems analysis can identify the (often obscure) causes of problems and how to change relationships ecologically ... so that all members can benefit.

Systemic Examples of Relationship Ecology

Family behavior depends on its entire system (not just the sum of its parts). A family structure determines its member's behavior, which determine family events. Too often, people only see and respond to events, and miss the broader scheme exposed by relationship diagnosis.

Too often in families and workgroups (and in training programs), people think that they can break up the system and only deal with its individual members; or that they can focus on one topic (e.g. performance) independent from other topics (e.g. team goals).

There appear to be optimum sizes for each type of human system. A larger system may break itself into sub-systems to achieve stability. Pre-systemic models (e.g. esoteric or statistical models) used to fix human systems may hasten their disintegration. (Consider the fixes tried as Russian communism disintegrated.)

If you consider families as examples of human systems, the principles include:

  • Family systems seek balance with their environments
  • Family systems are sub-systems of many larger systems
  • Family systems have sub-systems, borders and limits to growth
  • Family systems have optimum sizes (in balance with their environments)

A family may experience the same problems repeatedly over time. Family members typically recognize the patterns of behaviors, rather than their underlying dynamics.

It may be against unspoken family rules to know too much about family rules ...
and you may know less about your family dynamics than about other families.
This opens the fascinating topic of taboo beliefs.

Systemic Family Behavior

Families have predictable patterns of interactions (cultural and family traditions) that are passed and replicated across generations. Family interactions may modify but rarely end such cross-generational entanglements. External observation and assistance is often needed - which we can provide.

Each family member affects all family members. Parental moods and behavior affect children in predictable ways. Some solutions create new problems - and some solutions are worse than the problems. We seek solutions that benefit all members.

Systemic Coaching & Quantum Thinking

We incorporate concepts from quantum physics - for example from Dr Enrico Fermi (the absence of a part describes that part), Dr Erwin Schrödinger (all possibilities exist until a system is observed), Dr Werner Heisenberg (observation changes whatever is being observed), Dr Albert Einstein (change is relative to an observer).

You do not know what all members of a human system are doing NOW. You know what they were doing - and then only from some temporal and perceptual position. Attempts to determine what everybody is doing NOW will change what everybody is doing now!

Violation of relationship rules in human systems can lead to dysfunctional behavior - and to tragedy in subsequent generations. Cross-generational entanglements underlie many personal and professional problems. Restoring balance and harmony to a family system or management team can manage physical symptoms of its members, not only emotional and mental suffering. See quantum coaching.

Family systems create problems - and problems also recreate family systems. Do the problems exist independently of an observer who defines them? We coach people to change their family structure and systemic rules, rather than attempting to change individual compensation behavior.

We help people live lives that make sense.

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2003-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email