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Online Solutions for Emotional Incest
Recover your Mental Stability Martyn Carruthers

Online Relationship Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

We help people alleviate covert and emotional incest,
manage family chaos and live a life that makes sense.

Resolving Incest

Long-term effects of incest on the individual include: shattered trust of brothers and men in general; never marrying or making poor choices in marriage; poor self-concept; sexual promiscuity and using sex as the only way to relate to men; a tendency toward revictimization, sexual and otherwise; substance abuse; depression and other psychiatric symptoms such as dissociative experiences or loss of memory for large periods of the past; confusion between intimacy and sexuality; and a lack of support from family and society, who tend to blame the victim (Cole, 1982; Higgs, Canavan, & Meyer, 1992; Russell, 1986).

Sigmund Freud's early research into hysteria emphasized childhood seduction and incest, although Freud later insisted that many reports of incest were fantasies. His revision may have helped suppress public awareness of the prevalence and significance of childhood incest. Incest became a taboo topic.

Sigmund Freud wrote that every boy has an Oedipus Complex that greatly affects his adult life. He claimed that every boy represses his sexual desire for his mother and his jealousy toward his father. Freud wrote that a boy with an Oedipus Complex experiences emotional conflicts. This may be Freud's autobiography, or a facet of Central European culture at Freud's time. We only find Oedipus Complex in families where mothers are confused between Sons and Lovers.

Emotional Incest . Mothers & Sons . Fathers & Daughters . Mothers & Daughters

Sexual Abuse & Identity Loss

Although many therapists may "... lack the ability to help incest victims because they have never been trained to deal with the issue. In fact, they have been trained to avoid it" (Herman,1981), there are ways to counter the effects of childhood sexual abuse. But most incest resolution emphasizes the roles of toxic, abusive or neglectful parents - perhaps with a futile hope that blaming or punishing the parents will solve the children's emotional and relationship problems.

More elegant choices include dissolving the relationship problems that caused identity loss, trauma and suffering. Our coaching and training includes these skills.

What Really Happened?

Whatever the historical truth of an experience, memories are the remembered truth. But memories can be distorted. As you interpret and summarize your memories, you may recover information which validates or enhances your earlier versions of your remembered truth. Remembered truths can distort historical truths - and lead to false diagnosis of childhood sexual abuse - and wrongful blame of family members as sexual offenders.

Being close to an opposite-sex parent is not always comfortable. Sometimes a child or young adult may feel silently seduced by the parent. Instead of feeling appreciation and gratitude, the children may feel confused - and later in life, as adults, they may wonder if physical incest took place - especially if encouraged to do so by some well-meaning therapist.

Your memory need not diminish with time; it can grow and expand. Each time you recall some event you reconstruct it - and your memory changes with each reconstruction, depending on your current emotions and your perception of what was possible.

Client Abuse . Abusive Relationships . Codependence

Symptoms of Incest: Identity Loss

Despite the prevalence of abuse, depression, marital conflicts and dysfunctional families, some therapists seem to attribute identity loss exclusively to incest. We strongly disagree. If you accept this role as a passive victim to a toxic history, you may believe yourself as incompetent, passive or inactive in your own life.

Emotional incest can lead to Identity Loss. People who suffer from identity loss may become emotional or trance-like under stress, and ...

  • avoid finishing projects
  • offer endless justifications
  • cannot specify timed goals
  • express strong and inappropriate emotions
  • may feel depressed - life does not make sense
  • may seek distractions in obsessions and addictions

Although our systemic coaching includes systemic diagnosis and solutions for other complex relationship problems as well as emotional and physical incest, we do not cater to people who choose to remain childish or victims. We help people manage their conflicts and bonds, recover their integrity and lost resources, and move on ... as adults making adult decisions.

Resolve the Consequences of Incest

Helping professionals who were themselves abused as children may feel emotionally driven to find and punish people they perceive as victimizers ... even if the alleged victims are unsure what actually happened. We hear of many cases of therapists implanting memories in children who fantasized sexual activity with a family member. See Therapist Damage.

My therapist said I was sexually molested although I was not. She said I was hiding bad memories, but my family were good. My father would never hurt me, but my therapist tried to make me fantasize sex with him. She said "I know you were molested because you have symptoms of people who were molested as children - I have them too." London

We help people find rapid relief from the consequences of emotional or physical incest. We coach people to manage relationship problems and live with integrity. We help people define and fulfill important goals that express their highest values, as they consider the question, How do you want to fulfill your life?

Soulwork Coaching - A Medical Doctor's Review

Do you want relationship counseling or therapy?
Contact us to resolve emotional and relationship challenges

Online Relationship Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2000-2018
All rights reserved.

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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email