We help people alleviate covert and emotional incest,
manage family chaos and live a life that makes sense.
Long-term effects of incest on the
individual include: shattered trust of brothers and men in general; never
marrying or making poor choices in marriage; poor self-concept; sexual
promiscuity and using sex as the only way to relate to men; a tendency
toward revictimization, sexual and otherwise;
substance abuse; depression and other psychiatric symptoms such as dissociative
experiences or loss of memory for large periods of the past; confusion between
intimacy and sexuality; and a lack of support from family and society, who tend
to blame the victim (Cole, 1982; Higgs, Canavan, & Meyer, 1992; Russell, 1986).
Sigmund Freud's early
research into hysteria emphasized childhood seduction and
incest, although Freud later insisted that many reports of incest were fantasies.
His revision may have helped suppress public awareness of the
prevalence and significance of childhood incest. Incest became a taboo topic.
Sigmund Freud wrote that every boy has an Oedipus Complex that
greatly affects his adult life. He claimed that every boy represses his
sexual desire for his mother and his jealousy toward his father. Freud
wrote that a boy with an Oedipus Complex experiences emotional
conflicts. This may be Freud's autobiography, or a facet of Central European
culture at Freud's time. We only find Oedipus Complex in families
where mothers are confused between Sons and Lovers.
Emotional Incest .
Mothers & Sons .
Fathers & Daughters . Mothers & Daughters
Sexual Abuse & Identity Loss
Although many therapists may "... lack the
ability to help incest victims because they have never been trained
to deal with the issue. In fact, they have been trained to avoid it"
(Herman,1981), there are ways to counter the effects of childhood
sexual abuse. But most incest resolution emphasizes the roles of toxic,
abusive or neglectful parents - perhaps with a futile hope that
blaming or punishing the parents will solve the children's emotional
and relationship problems.
More elegant choices include dissolving the relationship problems that
caused identity loss, trauma and suffering.
Our coaching and training includes these skills.
What Really Happened?
Whatever the historical truth of an experience, memories are
the remembered truth. But memories can be distorted. As you interpret
and summarize your memories, you may recover information which validates
or enhances your earlier versions of your remembered truth. Remembered
truths can distort historical truths - and lead to false diagnosis of
childhood sexual abuse - and wrongful blame of family members
as sexual offenders.
Being close to an opposite-sex parent is not always
comfortable. Sometimes a child or young adult may feel silently seduced
by the parent. Instead of feeling appreciation and gratitude, the children may
feel confused - and later in life, as adults, they may wonder if physical incest
took place - especially if encouraged to do so by some well-meaning therapist.
Your memory need not diminish with time; it can grow
and expand. Each time you recall some event you reconstruct it - and
your memory changes with each reconstruction, depending on your current
emotions and your perception of what was possible.
Abuse . Abusive Relationships
Symptoms of Incest: Identity Loss
Despite the prevalence of abuse, depression, marital conflicts
and dysfunctional families, some therapists seem to attribute identity loss
exclusively to incest. We strongly disagree. If you accept this role as a
passive victim to a toxic history, you may believe yourself as incompetent,
passive or inactive in your own life.
Emotional incest can lead to Identity Loss. People who suffer
from identity loss may become emotional or trance-like under stress, and ...
- avoid finishing projects
- offer endless justifications
- cannot specify timed goals
- express strong and inappropriate emotions
- may feel depressed - life does not make sense
- may seek distractions in obsessions and addictions
Although our systemic coaching includes systemic
diagnosis and solutions for other complex relationship problems as well as
emotional and physical incest, we do not cater to people who choose to
remain childish or victims. We help people manage
their conflicts and bonds, recover their integrity and lost resources,
and move on ... as adults making adult decisions.
Resolve the Consequences of Incest
Helping professionals who were themselves abused as children
may feel emotionally driven to find and punish people they perceive as
victimizers ... even if the alleged victims are unsure what actually
happened. We hear of many cases of therapists implanting memories in
children who fantasized sexual activity with a family member. See
My therapist said I was sexually
molested although I was not. She said I was repressing bad memories,
but my family were good. My father was devoted to me and would never
hurt me, but my therapist tried to make me fantasize sex with him.
She said "I know you were molested because you have the symptoms
of adults who were molested as children - I have them too."
We help people find rapid relief from the consequences
of emotional or physical incest. We coach people to manage relationship
problems and live with integrity. We help people define and fulfill important
goals that express their highest values, as they consider the question,
“How do you want to fulfill your life?”
Coaching - A Medical Doctor's Review
Do you want relationship counseling or therapy?
Contact us to resolve emotional and relationship challenges
Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
2000-2014 All rights reserved.