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Children who lack of concentration or
curiosity, or who are a nuisance to teachers may be labeled as learning disabled.
Learning disorders and disabilities are often associated with diminished creativity and
spontaneity, depressed motivation and loss of purpose or sense of life.
Family Chaos & Learning Disabilities
Relationship behaviors that support learning disabilities
are normal in some families and cultures. Many learning disabilities may pass unnoticed
(including apparently brilliant academic behavior) - until
adolescence. Latent symptoms may become obvious when an adult-child cannot
participate in adult responsibilities, or when an adult-child
lacks the skills required for partnership and parenthood.
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Feedback |
When I contacted you about my son's
ADD - you offered to work with ME! I felt insulted. I came anyway -
and again with my husband a few times ... Now our son is doing much better at
school - but you never even met him! Vancouver, BC |
A child with a learning disability may be an asset to a family
in which a problem child provides family members with
someone to blame or a reason to stay together. Family situations may also
precipitate eyesight or hearing problems, if children unconsciously find ways to not-see or
not-hear family chaos.
Systemic Family Coaching evaluates family roles and
responsibilities, and assists family members to
sort out entangled relationships. Remedial sessions can be with children or
adults, or with the parents of children with symptoms of LDs. During
sessions with children, coaching is often embedded within
isomorphic and interactive metaphors - within healing stories.
Sometimes a learning disability has a simple structure (e.g.:
dyslexia) and can be resolved with expert modeling or
behavioral changework (which are integrated into Systemic Coaching).
Couple Coaching
. Children of Divorce
. Parental
Alienation
We require that the parents or guardians of a learning-disabled
child participate in long-term systemic solutions. There seem to be
few long-term advantages of individually coaching LD children if immature
parents or other adults can sabotage a "disabled"
child's progress.
Children need emotional support from their parents. If one or
both parents are addicts, dysfunctional or
disinterested in a child's education; children may benefit by creating fantasy
parents who provide the missing emotional support. If a child tries to solve
their
parent's issues, they become entangled.
Caution for Coaches, Counselors, Therapists etc
As learning disabled children recover their intelligence,
concentration and resources, they will become more aware of covert
family behavior. If sensitive children learn that their parents
are immature or unloving; this may result in more stress
than that caused by a learning disability.
If this learning may lead to psychosomatic disease or mental health
symptoms; then some
learning disabled children may be better off maintaining their learning
disabilities until they are old enough to evaluate and fundamentally change
their relationships with toxic parents or dysfunctional families.
How Parents Can Prevent & Heal Learning Disabilities
A primary parental responsibility is that parents respect each other.
Even when they feel sick or neglected. Even when
they are separated or divorced. All subsequent actions flow from mutual respect.
These guidelines also apply to emotional problems and family entanglements such
as Emotional Incest,
Adjustment Disorders,
Relationship Bonds or
Personality Disorders.
Parent Coaching for Children's Learning Disabilities
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Relationship Coaching
for parents |
Parents who
avoid responsibility |
Children of immature parents |
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Help parents resolve family crises quickly and effectively |
Parent(s) ignore family crises, or pretend that crisis is “normal” |
Child is preoccupied and may show stress
symptoms (e.g. nail biting, nightmares, bedwetting) |
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Help parents resolve “guilt” issues quickly and effectively |
Parent(s) evade, hide or ignore uncomfortable truths |
Children become obsessed by “family secrets” |
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Help parents have quality friends with whom they discuss
partnership and parenthood. Help parents clarify
relationships with their own parents, partners and past partners |
Parent(s) abuse child
Parent(s) live through child
Parent(s) try to “own” child
Parent(s) are “children” of child
Parent(s) ignore / abandon child |
Child confuses roles, and bonds unhealthily with parent(s), siblings or
friends Child may be traumatized and withdraw from family
Child may try to punish one or more family members |
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Help a parent parent the child, and love the partner –
even if separated or divorced etc |
Parent(s) bond to
a child as a substitute for a partner (emotional incest) |
Child confuses roles
and tries to become a partner to the parent |
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Help parents discuss dead or missing family members |
Parent(s) ignore dead or missing family members (often to
avoid feelings of guilt) |
Child confuses roles and may identify with a dead or missing
family member |
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After an abortion, miscarriage, stillborn or cot death, help
family “honor”
the missing child |
Parent(s) ignore the absence of a potential (dead) family member |
Child confuses roles and may identify with the dead sibling |
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Help parents clarify who are parents and who are substitutes |
Parent(s) allow other people interfere with the parents’ roles and the
child’s welfare |
Child confuses roles and may identify with a displaced parent |
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Encourage each family member to fulfill their responsibilities |
Parent(s) allow family members to be manipulated or victimized |
Child confuses roles and may identify with a perceived victim |
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Help parents honor all acts of heroism by family members |
Parent(s) ignore courageous actions or bravery by a family member |
Child confuses roles and may identify with an ignored hero |
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Help parents work together as a team to maintain family harmony |
Parent(s) become resourceless, resorting to verbal or physical abuse or
ignorance etc |
Child identifies with parental beliefs, causing conflict and lost
self-respect |
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Help parents explore child’s emotions and how to express those
emotions appropriately |
Parent(s) insist that a child control or hide emotions |
Child may habitually hide all emotions and withdraw emotionally |
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Help parents explore a child’s goals and how they may be fulfilled |
Parent(s) ignore a child’s goals or punish a child for saying what
the child wants |
Child focuses only on what (s)he cannot have
– may develop little or no sense of life direction |
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Help parents explore child’s potential contributions to family
situations and goals |
Parent(s) communicate that a child cannot contribute to family goals |
Child feels unloved and “acts out” to
discover what is true |
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Help parents privately discuss partnership and parenthood concerns |
Parent(s) blame children for the parent’s problems |
Child withdraws from family. Depression &
psychosomatic disease are common |
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For Soulwork coaching or coach training, email:
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Systemic Coaching & Learning Disabilities
Systemic Coaching requires the participation of one or more members of
the same family who seek help for troubled relationships. Typical child problems
are delinquent behavior, poor performance at school, hostilities with a parent
or siblings, and severe disturbance or mental illness in a parent or child.
A systemic coach strives to understand the
symptoms in the context of the family, and then changes dysfunctional or toxic relationship
behaviors
that harm children.
Therapeutic or coaching solutions for children, without parental
participation, may only provide short-term relief. Soulwork offers conjoint
(simultaneous) family coaching. See also
Parent Alienation.
Neither young children nor immature adults can understand systemic dynamics.
Systemic coaching for children is often blended with interactive metaphors, art
therapy and play therapy etc. Soulwork Systemic
Solutions offers of coaching skill packages for schools. Contact us.
Relationship Coaching
... Systemic Coach Training |
