Soulwork Home Page

Check your spelling

Soulwork Online Help

Soulwork Humor: Funny stories


Soulwork Systemic Coaching: Summary

Soulwork Coach Training

Soulwork FAQ Questions & Answers


Emotional Issues
Anger & Rage

Eating Problems
Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Inner Child

Pain Control
Stress Relief

Toxic Beliefs
Trauma & Stress
Weight Loss


Relationship Problems

Dissolve Conflicts
Emotional Blackmail

Enjoy Partnership
Evaluate Partners
Long-Distance Love
Love & Hate

Past Partners
Sexual Issues
Soul Mates


Family Challenges

Brothers & Sisters
Divorce & Children
Emotional Incest
Family Meetings
Family Secrets

Fathers & Daughters
Fathers & Sons
Learning Disorders
Mothers & Daughters
Mothers & Sons

Parental Alienation


Life Lessons
Bad Habits
Being Alone
Children's Challenges
Observing Feelings

Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
Self Esteem
Self Improvement
Self Intimacy
Stress & Relaxing
Therapist and Clients


Chaos Coaching

Inner Conflict
Expert Modeling
Learning Disorders

Sexual Abuse
Soul of Soulwork
Systemic Management
Therapist Abuse
Training Abuse



Interview with Martyn
Fee, Cost, Price

eXTReMe Tracker

Online Solutions for Negative Emotions
Happy Go Lucky Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching, Counseling and Soulwork Training

We can help you understand and manage 
negative emotions and change toxic family traditions.

If you will allow yourself to be happier than your parents!

When Western philosophy started in ancient Greece, about 2300 years ago, Aristotle wrote that the highest form of knowledge is insight - because it's the only knowledge which leads to development - and true happiness.

Aristotle wrote that many people are unhappy because they confuse pleasure with happiness. Pleasure is about immediate gratification, while happiness is about long-term growth as a person. Happiness is about nourishing your soul.

Can we still follow this ancient mentorship? The human race has hardly changed in 2300 years - we have the same bodies and minds but many people have replaced their sense of life with a dependence on technology.

Without a sense of life, human existence is eating and mating, sleeping and moving the bowels. While all these are necessary, a sense of life gives them meaning.

Lasting Happiness: A Sense of Life

Most people search for what they lack, although they often overlook and undervalue what they really want. Wealth does not replace the state of well-being and contentment that we call sense of life.

When you feel unhappy, do you know how to change?
We can help you find your lost or hidden qualities
and to improve your beliefs, habits and relationships.

Like love, happiness has many meanings and synonyms. A dictionary might define happiness as a stable state of well-being. Happiness includes a sense of being in the right place, ranging from contentment to intense joy. Happiness refers to enjoyment of or pleasant satisfaction in life, with security and the ability to fulfill one's wishes.

Another definition of happiness: "a continued sense of delight, contentment, and joy emanating from a sense of self-goodness, sense of life and sense of destiny".

This is worth watching - Click here!

Happiness is different to fun. We use the word happiness to talk about long-term satisfaction, and the word fun to refer to short-term pleasurable distractions.

Your Happiness is YOUR Choice!

Early research on happiness described and compared the happiness of people in demographic groups such as sex, income, education, and age. In later research, theoretical models were explored that emphasized temperament, goal fulfillment, adaptation and social comparison.

There are many types of long-term happiness. Some are:

  1. Living with integrity, without inner conflict
  2. Clear goals and plans, without inner objections
  3. Clear relationships without guilty entanglements
  4. High motivation without unresolved negative emotions
  5. Using your qualities, expertise and skills in service of life
  6. Finding inspirational mentorship and ending toxic mentorship
  7. Healthy relationships without limiting beliefs or emotional bonds
  8. Enjoying partnership and inspiring children by living with integrity

Questions about sustaining relationship happiness have grown crucial,
given financial, social, and emotional costs accrued by frequent
partnership breakdown. Yet knowledge about constituents
of relationship happiness is sparse.
Dr Janet Reibstein

Relative Happiness

Lasting happiness seems to be about resolving negative emotions and building healthy relationships - including your relationship with yourself. Relationship happiness is about enjoying who you are and sharing yourself with other people.

Children's happiness seems to revolve around being loved, exploring and preparing for independence. Adult happiness seems to balance between taking care of self and taking care of others.

Unhappy people are often obsessed with trying to change each other's behavior or denying each other's emotions. If you are responsible for your own happiness, you have no use for coercion. If you do not need to coerce others, you can fulfill your goals in ways that include freedom and independence.

If you take responsibility for your own happiness, you reduce the likelihood of coercing others. If other adults in your life share this assumption and establish rules based upon it, then you and they can enjoy independence and intimacy. Such independent intimacy is a strong basis for happy relationships.


  • We are together when we both want to be together.
  • I am responsible for how I feel and how I use my time.
  • Each of us is responsible for our actions, reactions and use of resources.

Counter-examples may seem unhealthy, codependent and cult-like:

  • People must not spend time alone
  • People should not express unpleasant feelings
  • Each of us is responsible for the actions and reactions of other people

Such rules may satisfy those who prefer dependence or codependence, but could motivate healthier people to rebel and leave relationships.

Relationship Intelligence

Authentic happiness includes solving everyday conflicts and set-backs. We can help you explore your mistakes, symptoms and goals and shift your sense of life direction.

We offer unique models of solving relationship problems. What are your "gifts" in relationships? Explore the links between happiness, family history and everyday life. Explore your relationship intelligence.

Do you only focus on cognitive intelligence? If you have high relationship intelligence, you can listen to and understand people, because you already know the elements and skills required for successful relationships.

You can increase your relationship intelligence. You can improve your integrity and honesty. You can affirm the worth of other people. You can commit to personal and relationship growth. You can solve negative emotions and relationship problems.

Do you want help clarifying your core values, setting priorities based on integrity, and making decisions aligned with your highest goals? Do you want to manage your emotions, solve relationship problems and live a happy life?

Online Coaching, Counseling and Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2005-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email